But It's Really All I Want To Do Right Now

I REALLY REALLY miss cutting myself. And I really really want to do it to. But since I dont have any of my tools anymore that poses a bit of a problem. Considered using my kitchen scissors or a knife but they are kinda unwieldy. So now I am contemplating the merits of breaking one of my razors. I used t use those old-fashioned razors or a really good craft knife. Quick and sharp.

Really I think cutting was the only thing I could rely on. Coz I have realised that all of my so-called friends are selfish fakes who are really just concerned about themselves. I support them and take their sides in everything and when I reach out I'm told to just stop feeling sorry for myself. Well I guess their pain and issues are somehow more valid than mine?????

I had one reall friend. The only one who knew EVERYTHING including the cutting and she NEVER judged me. Ever. But she's dead now. Killed in a car crash. And I just wish I had someone to talk to who actually gives a **** about me. But well apparently I don't deserve that.

So maybe I should just add a few more scars to remind myself how useless and unwanted I am. Not like anyone will ever see me naked anyway so I might as well do my worst. Maybe I'll even go too far and accidentally kill myself. No one will miss me and no one will care. Oh and don't give me any of that of course someone will rubbish. NO ONE WILL CARE BECAUSE THEY DON"T NOW.

Ok off to find that razor.

annathom annathom
26-30, F
2 Responses Feb 27, 2010

Thank you.<br />
I didn't do it. I still want to but I didn't. I kinda have to remind myself of how hard I worked to stop and that even though I know it will make me feel better it's just a temporary fix. That all the things that make mw want to cut will still be there. Now I just have to find a way to deal with those things.

it may seem like the only answer, but its not.<br />
theres better ways of dealing with your problems<br />
dont damage your pretty skin!!<br />
<br />
we can message me if you want someone to talk to