Here We Go Again...

It had been months since I last cut. I thought maybe I'd got over it. But last night I got home from a great day out with friends. Wasn't feeling particularly down or anything. But I suddenly found a desparate need to cut. So I did, just once, on my arm. Not that bad, no big deal... except now I'm sat here tryng to find anything to do to distract myself, as I want to do it again. I need to.

But I so don't want to get back onto that downward spiral again...

I don't know which is going to win out... the logical part of me which is saying "don't do it, you'll only get addicted again" or the part of me which is craving it?

 

:(

Sirilla Sirilla
18-21
3 Responses Mar 14, 2010

Hey, I know exactly what kind of situation you're going through. <br />
I started to cut 2 years ago and I've been going through the same thing you have been.<br />
However, I cut in October and I was "clean" for 5 months. And I experienced exactly what you explained, that unexplainable urge and feeling to cut. And I cut. That was about 3 weeks ago.<br />
It's so hard to get through cutting. I try to distract myself throughout the day and try not to think about doing it. The urges still come, but I try to push them away.<br />
I also go to therapy every once in a while and my therapist gives me new ways to control my urges.<br />
It's extremely hard, but getting positive reinforcement really helps a lot. <br />
But yeah I agree with rescueangel, cutting is an addiction and it's deadly.<br />
I would love to help you out, I know a few exercises to do when you get the urges.<br />
You can message me if you'd like. :]

I have found my self facing the same type of issue that you wrote about. I started to cut when I was about 13 and as I got older I was better able to control it but it was always thair and I found my self wanting to cut even after months, or even a year. You called it an addication, and although the "experats" debate if it is or not, I feel that it very much an addication. My friends in NA or AA say they look at recovery as an on going process, even if they have been clean for years, and I have relate that to to cutting. I know that the time may come when the ulgy beast comes to call, and I am going to need to deal with it. I have a few friends who know about my cutting, and I have also reached out to friends in AA or NA, not by attending meeting or the like, but for the reminder that I have an addication, but just because I feel the desire, I don't need to fall in to a full blown relapse. Even if I cut, they have helped me to understand that it happens, but that one slip dosn't mean the end of the world. I can have a night when I make a few small cuts, and although it may not be good, it dosn't mean that things are going to go back to as bad as it once was. I hope that I might have been able to help you, and if you ever want to talk feel free to message me.

I am so sorry- for I know your urges... I've transformed my cutting into other bad habit's/escapes- not that alcohol or gambling is any better, but it carries less visible scars... try to remember that... what you're feeling now is forever imprinted on your skin... it's like an emotional tattoo!