Not Anymore.

I found this website because for the first time in 8 months, I was seriously considering it tonight. I am so much healthier now, that the fact that it even passed through my mind tonight scared me. I'm not anxious, I'm just sad. I feel like a bimbo for it, but I came to realize tonight that the idea of cutting mostly comes around when I feel unloved by some stupid guy that shouldn't have the power to make me hate myself.

The main rule on an airplane? Put your own oxygen mask on before you help the person beside you. Over the past 8 months (+ 4 days! :) ) I've learned that I need to make myself happy. I became mentally and physically stronger, occupying my mind by training for competitions and in the process creating new goals for myself and thus giving me purpose to wake up in the morning. I surrounded myself with amazing people, and when times got tough I took a piece of paper and constantly wrote my sister's name down. Or wrote the emotions I was feeling and tore the paper to shreds. I ran my first marathon this fall and with 5 km to go, I looked down at my scarred wrists and before I realized it, I kissed my scars. Those scars renewed my life. The crisis point they represent serves as a reminder to look beyond the hard times, because I am so much better now. I know I am strong now, and I know I am a lot more than the scars I have on my wrists from kitchen knives and Ikea scissors.
skerr123 skerr123
18-21, F
Jan 5, 2013