After The Burning

I was Eleven when I started burning myself. My Grandma died and I was moved to the middle of nowhere. It just seemed to solve the problem at the time. When the burning stopped working, I started cutting. A little at first. Then deeper, then everyday, then as often as I could. Alot of times I'd ask to be excused from class because I couldn't make it through the school day without it. Most of the people around me didn't think twice, I'd always wore hoodies and they covered the marks. Then one day my mom saw them. She threatened to send me to live with my grandparents. I wasn't allowed in a room by myself, she started checking my wrists. So I told her I stopped and moved to doing it higher on  my arms. Then A guy friend noticed and told me if I didn't quit he'd start. I didn't listen and was shocked when he came to me and showed me that he did indeed cut. That's when it happened, I btoke. It took along time, and quite a few relapses, but I started getting better. I haven't cut in a little over a year, and sometimes I get the urge, but I don't know. I just dont.

AidoHwedo AidoHwedo
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 16, 2010

I'm glad, hon. Sometimes having a sympathetic but honest, older woman who is both a sounding board and a stranger is just what a young adult needs. I know I did! I had a cousin in the Navy stationed in Guam! (of course we had only snail mail way back then; it was hard to be patient while waiting for a response.) I think you have both a good head on your shoulders and a good heart --<br />
clearly you use both. Yes, you have a wounded spirit, but you are immensely capable of finding the way to becoming a well-developed, loving, strong, healthy woman. In a few years you will doubtless find yourself mentoring someone very similar to you now.

Thank You. You always have something really good to say. It always makes me feel better.

Not uncommon. You know why you do it, Kitten. Glad you are resisting, but unless you address the pain in real, therapeutic manner, the pain and your failure to manage it will come out in other ways. Believe that I know this. Writing is good, and does "bleed" away some of the tension. Don't let it control you. YOU are the soul in charge, the pain may feel like it has a voice of it's own but only the one you give it.