Behind My Locked Bedroom Door.

No one knew what happened to the "perfect" daughter when she locked her bedroom door. No one had a clue what happened when she turned on music just loud enough to cover her cries. No one knew of the demon that lay in the bottom drawer of her dresser. No one.

     Sixth grade; I look back to sixth grade and I scream. I cry, I wish that I could go back and redo it all over again. This time, without a knife. Last year, yes, I am a seventh grader, I did not know who my real friends were. The girls I hung out with almost caused me to kill myself. I hated them so much. But, being with people that I hated seemed a lot better then being the loner, again.

     I have never fitted in. Never really had to. In elementary school it was all so simple. You parents planned out everything for you. You knew what was going to happen, when it was going to happen, and why it was going to happen. There were no questions, it just was. But then, middle school. It's spossed to be a great time, three years of friends, learning, new classes. And I ruined a year of it.

    I can stare at scars now, and say never again. But I know that is not the whole story. I could say that I swore never again to three of my friends who I told. Cause I did. But thats not a very good story, is it?

     The first time I cut, I was amazed that I could do it. It was so simple, it caused very little pain, and I read that after awhile that it even feels good. So I kept at it. How I wish that I would of just went and asked for help. It would of saved five months of childhood that I will never get back.

     When I first found the box-cutter I was amazed at how deep it cut. I was told so many times when I was little not to play with box-cutters, they could hurt me really bad. Oh how I wish I would of listened! It was simple to hide, simple to get upstairs. No one ever noticed it was gone. Never. It's in the trash can now. I threw it away in June. How I wish I would of kept it! I have my scars but, they will fade. I want something to remind me that I have fought a battle, and I have won.

 

Sorry that it is not a very good story. I'm not that great at talking about this stuff, I tend to cry. Sorry 8(

    

redupp redupp
13-15, F
3 Responses Mar 3, 2010

Hi :]<br />
I am an ex cutter also. Well, really working on it and trying to aviod the urges.<br />
I am very proud of you! :D It's so hard to get over this addiction. I used to cut with a box cutter also.<br />
But, it's never really good to keep the ob<x>ject you cut with, urges can come up and the ob<x>ject could be there and bring you to do it. It's kind of a temptation. So I'm glad you've gotten rid of the box cutter.<br />
Your scars will either go away or not. It depends.<br />
I still have scars from the very first time 2 years ago. But I'm using Mederma to help them go away.<br />
<br />
And don't be sorry about how you don't think it's a good story. You don't need to have a good story. It just has to be your story. :]

thanks, i guess. they are still scars, but i haven't felt this sad since last year. i'm scared that they wont stay that way.

Congratulations on winning the battle!!!! That is awesome!!! I think you are a good writer. Don't stop writing. But I'm glad you stopped cutting!