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My Brief Time On Crystal Meth

I'm probably the last person anyone would have expected to be on Ice. I come from a good family, I went to private schools, and I have degrees from two of the best universities in the country. When I was at school I don't remember ever hearing about Ice. Drugs classes put me off doing heroin so much I always swore that's one thing I would never touch. Mostly because it's so addictive and I was scared of getting addicted to a hard drug.

I remember reading about Ice when I started uni. The media reports made it sound really scary. My boyfriend told me he used it in his country. When I moved to his country he introduced me to it. I asked him if it was really bad and he told me it wasn't. I believed him. A very stupid act, for someone supposedly so smart. But I trusted him, foolishly. I only had it a few times during that period and then left the country. I only found out recently that he was on it a lot during that time. I moved back to Australia, and went years without doing Ice. I never once even saw it in Melbourne. Then this year I moved to the Gold Coast.

It's hard for me to know how big the Ice problem really is on the Gold Coast but in the circles I ran in it was everywhere. My boyfriend at the time introduced me to it again. He did, however, discourage me from making it a regular habit. One thing I have learnt, is friends do not encourage friends to take Ice. I took it a few times over the next couple of months, and then I swore off it. Many of the people I know on the Coast have already lost heaps to Ice.

Two months ago I moved in with a girl from the Ice crowd. I had no idea at the time that she's on it hard and has been for years. For the first month I still had no idea. She hid it from all of the other housemates. We had it at her birthday shortly after I moved in, but I still had no idea of the extent of her using. Then about a month ago she broke up with her boyfriend and I was in her room and guys offered it to me. It kind of went from there. In the past, when I'd taken it, it would be a few hits. But this time, after being high for a couple of days, I was offered it again. I asked the guy if it would be bad to do it again. He asked me if I'd slept, and when I said yes he told me it'd be fine. You may think I'm really stupid to trust these people, and you'd be right, but it's not uncommon. I've always seen the best in people, which has led me to get involved with some really shady characters.

I had a psychotic episode. It was terrifying. I thought people were plotting to kill me. I had some thoughts about my housemate, that she was talking about me behind my back. I told her about it afterwards and she convinced me that it was all in my head.
The thing with Ice psychosis is, some of the paranoid delusions are really ridiculous, but when you're hanging out with people on Ice, they might actually be true. It takes all the good out of people. Your “friends” actually might be plotting behind your back. People on Ice do terrible things to each other. I remember my housemate talking about her friend, saying she got away with many things because she was plotting several steps ahead, and people would never believe her actual motives. Well, that's exactly what my housemate did to me.

I asked my housemate a few questions about one of the guys who had been giving it to me, so it was clear I liked him. She was happy about that and really encouraged me to get with him. I knew she had liked him in the past and I thought it was really nice that she was actually encouraging me to get with him considering this fact. After about a week of hanging with him we hooked up. She seemed happy for me. But I knew I had to get out of the scene, and I knew the only way to get out was to get off the Coast. I didn't think my housemate would take well to that, and I was right.

My last weekend this guy was there and of course I wanted to spend some time with him. We had what I thought was a beautiful moment when I gave him a massage and he fell asleep in my arms. I actually thought she thought that was sweet. He was really sleepy and I tried to get him to come to bed with me, thinking that was pretty innocent after what had been going on between us. Meanwhile she started having sex with her friend, a girl she has ********** with, right in front of us and another guy. I thought that was our cue to leave, so I woke him up and brought him to my room. We started having sex and she walked in on us and went psycho. I didn't even understand why until later. She actually thought I was supposed to share him with them! She was actually angry at me for not sharing him! I really don't think he even had any intention of having an **** anyway. For starters I really don't think that's his style and secondly there had been plenty of other occasions for that to happen if that's what he'd wanted- he just didn't want to get with either of those girls. Which is understandable because he knows that they are total ******* *****. I know that sounds like a terrible thing to say about anyone, but in their case it really is true.

It's hurtful to think of the lies she spread about me after that, but I can only hope that one day people will figure out the truth about her. At the end of the day, though, it doesn't matter. Several people from the scene are dead already. Many have been in jail. I have way too much to lose. I will not go down that route. I left Australia and have moved to a country where Ice isn't prevalent yet. I'm so grateful that I know there is more to life. I know the difference between right and wrong. Ice totally twists people's morality. It takes away your desire to do good things. It makes you selfish. It takes a strong person to overcome it. Just look at the statistics- they're absolutely terrifying. I'm proud to say I was one of the ones who got away.
sunnygirls2 sunnygirls2 26-30, F 2 Responses Dec 29, 2012

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It amazes me people willingly do drugs like Meth. It can kill and does kill. It is highly addictive, extremely so. You are better than drugs. To do drugs because its offered to you by "friends" seems weak to me. People who offer drugs to you aren't friends. They know the destruction associated with the drugs and if they don't know all it takes is a google search and you can easily enough get the facts. I am the first person to admit, I am not perfect and I have done some stupid things in my life, life is hard enough why make it so much more difficult by using drugs but especially those that are extremely dangerous like Meth.

The thing that must scare people about drugs is not the addiction, but the fact that they are toxic. So the way they twist our body is the same they twist our mind and how we see love, sun, wind, friends.
I had a indirect connection with the world you described in this confused story, and I succeeded in cutting all possible connection with it. I've been lucky? I don't know I never had interest in drug, so it's not that I'm lucky, it is just the way I am.
Anyway I want to thank you because your story, and all stores on ep about this argument, is one of the best way to learn how good it is to remain on reality.

What scares me is both its toxicity and its addictive properties. Along with the possibility of me doing something while on the drug that will hurt/kill me or those around me. I find it childish to want/need to do drugs. Reality is so bad that you endanger yourself and others around you by your drug use. Honestly, what good comes from doing drug use aside from a little escapism to get away from whatever problems you see that a psychologist, psychiatrist, or medical doctor at the very least can make better or correct in full? It is certainly more productive and better physically for you than to resort to use an unregulated, unmonitored, unprescribed substance most likely made by a fellow junkie that has been lucky enough up to the point of you ingesting the poison to avoid blowing up their house in the process.

Then most people are childish because most people take drugs, alcohol being one of the worst. Before you go around judging people as weak, maybe you could try to understand that I had been through absolute hell before this. Try being held pretty much captive by a man in a foreign country, a man who has destroyed your bank cards, hit you on numerous occasions and threatened to kill you and your friends and family, fleeing him and having to move to a state where you know nobody. But I did overcome the desire to take Ice, which actually shows a lot of strength. I'm nearly 6 months clean now. Not many people can say that.

The fact is shityy things happen to all of us at some point or another. That doesn't mean people who have been through bad things automatically resort to drug use/abuse to deal with their adversity. I don't need to hear a laundry list of the **** you've been through in life. I know one thing and that is you willingly made a decision to take drugs. No one put a loaded gun to your head and said, take these pills, or take a hit of this, or smoke this, drink that, or inject this, or you are going to have a bullet lodged into your head. The fact is, you obviously knew that doing drugs is not the best, smartest or wisest thing your could do. I honestly, hope you stay clean in your pathway through life.

We all go through **** in life. One person can look at another and say, you have it easier than I do, but one persons hell is another persons walk in the park because we are all different and all handle things differently. The problems I have you might think are easy to deal with, and the same might be said for me and your problems. So your story of what you have been through is irrelevant because you made a decision to do the drug in the first place, your addiction issue is a result of your decision to use in the first place. Nothing good can come of drug use and it saddens me and surprises me people can use that crap when the chances of addiction are extremely high every time you use it. For someone willingly using drugs its no different than someone hitting themselves in the face with their own fist. Its a form of self injurious behavior no matter how you slice it.

I don't really know why you felt the need to comment in the first place. I thought EP is supposed to be about being respectful and supportive. If you're just trawling people's stories to issue your judgment I don't see what you're gaining unless you're just trying to make yourself feel better. Have you done nothing in your life that anyone else could judge? Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I am commenting to try to understand what was your motivation to willingly make things a million times harder on yourself doing drugs in the first place? As I said, **** happens, what justifies your behavior to be so self destructive? That is what I am trying to understand. Why did you go to drugs when its obviously not the best way to handle the **** you are going through in life?

I resent the fact that you are jumping to conclusions regarding my motivation to in essence throw you under the bus in my previous postings. I am not trying to beat you up in the thinking that it will bolster my own life problems. I have been respectful to you. Have I openly belittled you or your addiction? NO! I did say I wish you well in keeping yourself clean throughout the rest of your life. I am being honest and matter of fact. I speak the truth and pull no punches with my directness. There is a difference in mean spiritedness and directness. I wish you would take the time in learning the difference between the two before you try to smear me with false claims as to what my behavior and my intentions are. I guess I could make the claim as you where your respect is towards me? I am trying to understand others and their situations, is that so bad? Obviously your life experience and mine are very different, am I wrong or bad in trying to understand your motivation in doing something like drugs when they are clearly not the best thing for you on so many levels? Since you feel I am beinh judgemental/critical, isn't is a fair thing to say that your knowledge and life experience might make me (from your perspective) more understanding to your situation?

"To do drugs because its offered to you by "friends" seems weak to me."

"People who offer drugs to you aren't friends." - If you read the whole piece you'll see I said that friends don't give friends Ice. But you say "drugs"- does that mean you have never given anyone a drink of alcohol? Alcohol is one of the worst drugs out there.

"I don't need to hear a laundry list of the **** you've been through in life."

If you really want someone to explain this kind of thing to you maybe you could try being more empathetic.

I did not "smear you with false claims", as you put it.

I don't find your language empathetic at all and I certainly don't feel the need to "justify" my behaviour to you. I don't ask you or anyone else to justify their behaviour to me. I hoped this story might help some people, that is all.

First, there is a little bit of a difference between alcohol. Alcohol isn't something that is addictive necessarily from the first time you use it. Drugs like Heroin, and Meth and coke are highly addictive from the very first time they are taken. Besides alcohol is a legal substance so you are comparing apples to oranges. By using an illegal drug you know there just might be some validity to it being illegal, you don't have that with alcohol. I have never been one to fall for peer pressure when it has come to drugs or drinking so I can't identify with it. As far as my dismissiveness towards your history, I didn't find it relevant because I thought it wasn't. All that important. I have had addiction hit my family in the form of a gf of my father. She was with him for 19 years and was drunk much of the time. She died because of her addiction on June 12th 2008, it will be 5 years since her passing. Its sad, needless, and a complete waste. I am not being harsh, I am being blunt and honest about things. I could go on and on refuting your claims of my insensitivity but I won't. I don't feel you'll care what I have to say and no matter how blunt I am being your going to think I am being mean spirited.

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