Since I Was 13

I had a pretty rough childhood. I won't go into detail here, but I internalized everything negative in my life and when I was 13 years old, I locked myself in my room and cut myself with a razorblade, just to feel something different. It was cathartic. I slept like a baby the night I first cut, and I continued to cut for years. No one found out until I was about 19 because I learned to hide it very well. My mother said it was for attention, but if I wanted attention, I would have shown my cuts and scars to the entire world. lol
I stopped cutting at age 27 (I'm 30 now), and though I have no intention to ever cut again, I can't deny the fact that I do still have stressful moments where I have to work very hard not to cut. It's like any other addiction, I suppose- you can stop but the craving rears its ugly head from time to time.
SpiritOfTheRabbit SpiritOfTheRabbit
36-40, F
1 Response Jul 17, 2010

Well done for being able to stop, I know it must take a lot of courage and will power when you are already feeling so many difficult feelings. Hope you get to find some peace with what ever troubles you experienced.