Life Is Hard.....

I have gone almost 6 months without cutting which I am extremely happy about, but it has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I moved out Sept. 20th and moved in with my boyfriend at the time. Thinking this was a good idea...which turned out badly. Through everything that happened between me and my ex I managed to not cut. I thought about it so many times, but was determined that I was not going to cut. Not even a month after he and I broke up, I find the most wonderful guy ever. A month after after that we were dating. (I know it is fast to move on and date someone I hardly know, but we really cared and liked each other by that month mark.) Now we have been dating almost two months. It has been a hard three months for us. He lost his job, my hours got cut, and we are dealing with exs. We had the smart idea to help one of his friends, but today it back fired and we got in our first actual "fight". I don't even know if that's what I should call it, but main point is I pissed him off. If I could have just okay and been done...there wouldn't have been a problem. But I didn't. He told me saying sorry would just **** him off more...I wanted to cry because I felt so bad for making this worse for him than it was supposed to be. I didn't mean to mess up his vacation or make him mad at me... I was just trying to figure things out. As soon as we got off the phone, my mind went to cutting. I am sitting here in my house by myself trying to remind myself that cutting isn't who I am anymore and not what I want. That it won't solve any of the problems going on. Plus, I promised him that I wasn't going to cut anymore. I don't really want to cut anymore, but my mind is still in the habit of going there. And that doesn't make things easier..... moral of the story life is hard and I plan to make it through no matter how many times I **** up.
jenn070809 jenn070809
18-21, F
2 Responses Mar 8, 2013

yay for you! you're such a strong person, you can beat this.

I know what you are going through. I know how hard it is to stop. But it is worth it. Try to find other ways to deal with your pain. Think about it this way: it may be easier to deal with physical pain, that's why most people cut. But the emotional pain doesn't go away when you cut. So you are basically doing it as a temporary fix. Plus I don't want you to hurt yourself. You are beautiful and I know it is hard but you have to try to stop. You are amazing and it may seem like nothing is ever going to get better, but I promise, it will.