I Used to Self Harm

I have had Bipolar Disorder for 16-years now. I came down with when I was 14. For 6-years I was unmedicated while the Dr's were trying tio figure out what was wrong with me and and above all not wanting to Medicate a Child either against my wishes. It was during those 6-unmedicated horrendous years I took Razor Blades to myself. When i think back, i am not sure wether it was a cry for help or just tryling to release the demon that was trying to destroy me. I remember after cutting myself I felt this feeling of utter release, total exhileration, everything went away, until the pain set in. I remember a hidious Nurse at my Local Medical Practice say to me "why do you do this Rebecka?" and i said "I don't know?" and she said "RUBBISH!" Thanks for the comforting words, NOT. But I was used to idiots thinking they knew what was best for me for years until I changed my Dr who was horrified I was unedicated. My Life started again from the age of 21 but I also lost my Mother to Cancer. At the age of 22 I went to college and got my Admin Qualifications :) I am now under proper care and have not self harmed since. Thanks Mum for standing by me. I miss you and love you always xxx

Thanks for Reading.

Beck xx

BeckyUK2001 BeckyUK2001
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 8, 2009

I, too, suffer from bi-polar disorder...and I used t cut until I was medicated--what are you taking for yours?