Can't Sleep, Old Habits Die Hard

I used to self harm.  I used to hide my razors under the garbage bag in the bathroom, no one ever found them there.  And i don't do it anymore, I'm a mother now and my son is my life now, he comes first before my needs or wants.  But sometimes, sometimes, like nights like this I miss it.  I miss that adrenaline rush, that first stabbing, burning pain of a cold razor across my arm.  It makes everything all right for a little while, causing myself pain would take away my own pain.  I remember sometimes in the middle of the night I would go to a gas station to buy blades.  And it makes me laugh bc the clerks don't even look twice, they have to realize what they are for right? Cutting can be like a drug sometimes or a drink, you crave it.  I don't want to hurt myself anymore nor do I have any intention of doing so, I just wish the wanting would go away...

kellyshistory kellyshistory
26-30, F
Feb 11, 2010