Friendship Is A Choice.

Because I was never blessed with brothers and sisters, I value my friends so much because friendship is by choice and not a given.  My longest friendship started when I moved here from another state.  I met a lovely woman who became my friend for over thirty years now.  We have seen each other through divorce and marriage.  We have watched our children grow up and start lives of their own independent from ours.  We saw each other through the loss of parents and personal tragedies.  We have laughed together and cried together and we have kept this friendship alive by giving each other support and kindness. 

Another friendship with a woman I consider my sister-of-the-heart came about in a strange way.  My son was in the navy and stationed at a base where he needed some help with a problem.  The woman that helped him five years ago started a dialogue with me about my son and we slowly came to realize that we had many things in common.  There was a slow and gradual bond that kept growing to the point that I have spent my last two birthdays with her and her husband.  This friend and I have led parallel lives in many ways.  We talk almost every day and share our joys and sorrows.  She has visited me and helped me with my art shows and is an excellent sales person.  She is also creative and makes beautiful jewelry. We have shared more of ourselves with each other then anyone else I have ever known.  Our thoughts and dreams and wishes.

I have other friends that are precious to me.  One is a man I have known for over thirty years.  When I travel, he is the person that worries about my safety and I have called him when I had vehicle problems or am traveling on bad winter roads and he always encourages me and gives sound advice.  We too have shared joys and sorrows and he understood my hurt when my wonderful old apple tree split in half and part of it fell to the ground after an ice storm.  We share a love of nature and have spent so many wonderful times driving through the mountains looking for wildlife.  He always makes me laugh when I am down and I have helped him recover when he had to have surgery. 

I have made friends here on EP and we also encourage each other and share in triumphs and pain.  Some I have grown very close to and I love all of them dearly.  I have shared sorrow and joy with them.  Been inspired and humbled.  Learned about life and taken their knowledge and applied it to my own life.  Grown as a person and hopefully given the same encouragement back that I have received. Blessings to you all.

My life would be empty without friendships.  The ones that remain by choice are the true friendships.  Time and distance does not matter.  The thread of friendship is picked up as if it were yesterday that we last met.  My husband once said to me that no one ever calls him but this is not true at all.  People have called and invited him to go to an event or fishing and he rebuffs these offers.  I have always encouraged him to seek out friends but he is content to be alone for the most part.  He asked me why I have so many friends and I told him that no one ever came knocking at my door wanting to be my friend.  To have a friend one must first be a friend.

Friendships are built on shared experiences.  A common ground of understanding.  Realizing others viewpoints and respecting each other for our differences.  Being able to say the words "I am sorry" when something one does or says  hurts the other person.  Friendship takes effort like any good part of life.  I have had friends leave my life not because of a fight or disagreement but because people grow and move on.  Because common ground disappears.  I have mourned the loss of these friendships but accept them.  This is life.  However the friends that grow with us and understand where each other is coming from remain a constant.  These friendships will endure as long as there is life. 

dartist dartist 56-60, F 10 Responses Mar 27, 2009

Your Response


I enjoyed this, too. I also do not have any brothers or sisters. Hence, having 1 best girl friend and 1 best guy friend is a miracle. The only problem is that they hate each other but, love me (as a best friend). I wish that they could get along so that it could be just the 3 of us.

I enjoyed this, too. I also do not have any brothers or sisters. Hence, having 1 best girl friend and 1 best guy friend is a miracle. The only problem is that they hate each other but, love me (as a best friend). I wish that they could get along so that it could be just the 3 of us.

Pagennite, I looked at your profile and am at a loss as to why you find it hard to establish any meaningful friendships with the opposite sex. Friendship always has to be a two way street and takes effort on both people's parts.

Sometimes a person has to take stock of just what kind of person they are looking for. It helped me to take time and think on what qualities I like in myself. Then I could determine what qualities I wanted in a friendship that could possibly turn into something more. As you appear to be a man who loves nature and would be happy with a person that shares this, you might look for women that share this appreciation.

Many men are first attracted to how a woman looks and wants the beautiful appearing woman but the true beauty of any human being resides in their soul. I am not saying this pertains to you as I do not know you and am not making a judgment but a thought. As you have approached at least 50 women with little response, so far you are casting your line into an empty stream.

Do you approach women much younger than yourself and disregard the ladies of more mature years and experiences? Finding a potential long term friend takes a lot of effort and also a knowledge of just who one wants in life. Friendships have to mature at a slow pace for them to endure over time. Opening up your search to women of varying ages and likes means that you will have a better chance of finding someone compatible with yourself.

I am not sure about your comment on women of the 21st century and internet women. Perhaps some women of today like the chase and attention more than the person? I am a gal from the old school of thought and know that there are a lot of women who would appreciate a sincere man who makes an effort. I do know that two people have to be looking for the same things in life to make a friendship work.

It does take some amount of luck to find the right person so keep trying and think back on your approach to potential friendships. Gals love a sense of humor. Keep things a bit more light hearted and don't give up in your search, Pagennite. Write letters that are funny and perhaps shorter in their content at first. Share experiences and concentrate on the positive but always be yourself.

Fifty letters written with no response is a lot. I cannot say why this happened but am making some suggestions that hopefully will help. Am wondering if other men have had similar experiences and why this happens? It has to be frustrating. Peace,D.

well...I have met at least 50 women on these internet sites that say they want to be friends. After that I make every effort to start that friendship. I have writen enough letters to write a novel. There is NO effort in reture. Is this the women of the 21st century or the women of the internet?

Thanks to all of you for your comments. A true friend will always listen with an open mind and heart. It is true that women seem to make a greater effort to stay in touch but there are some wonderful men in the world capable of making an effort to be a true friend. Blessings to us all gifted with the ability to be a true friend to others. Friendships change lives. A kind word or gesture can make a difference in someones day. Blessings to all of you who realize the value of being a friend. D.

Dartist, your stories are inspariational to me. Friendship are so valueable and a great blessing of llife. be blessed. bw

Dartist, your stories are inspariational to me. Friendship are so valueable and a great blessing of llife. be blessed. bw

Yes .. I am very glad men and women are different : )

lady T

we are different; men and woman.

oh my, if you behaved like a man, I would be bored in this world. hehehe


I love this story.

But it has been my experience that women make much more effort with friendship than men.

The men in my life have friends but they dont talk to them half as frequently as I talk to my friends and they dont phone them unless it is for something in particular. Whereas I will often ring a friend just to keep in touch and chat about anything and everything.