I Have Been Cheated On By My Husband And I Am So Broken...

I have been married to my husband for 4 yrs, but we've been together for 6.  Initially, when we started dating in the military, I was coming out of a period of abstinence and I decided to give it a go with him because he seemed convenient.  I soon found out that he had lied about his name (Tyrik), having a vehicle (his friend's), and other small things that normal people just don't have a reason to lie about.  He moved in with me after like 3 months of dating and soon asked me to get a cell phone for him in my name.  After doing this, I begin to notice him talking to other females behind my back and he just simply started being disrespectful. When he would get caught in things--it was as if he had no remorse, like he had no soul whatsoever.   I would get ticked off at him and we would argue and I would do things out of my character like turn off his cell phone and throw stuff of his away out of anger.  Long story short, we maintained the relationship and things just got worse and worse.  The disrespect never stopped and he also was cheating on me the entire relationship in some form or fashion, all the while I was the one taking care of him the whole entire time financially, emotionally, and physically.  After I moved down to his hometown to be with him I soon found out that I was pregnant.  Omg, the ex girlfriend started coming up to my job, he would tell me to leave and go move in with my parents back home during heated arguments.  If I didn't feel like having sex with him, he would say I would regret it.  When I was 8 months, he got saved and asked me to marry him--that was the only reason I did it because I know he would never have been a good man for me before.  6 months after he got saved, he backslid and started the same old mess again; the disrespect, calling other females, cheating, and even became physically abusive at times with me.  I had a son by him in the situation so I just dealt with it the best that I could but all the while I had resentment towards him.  He would get fired from job after job and he did not have the persistence to get up and do something with his life.  I stayed on his back about doing things for himself to better his life and even helped him get the job he has now.  So, when he got the job I began to see an even worse change in him.  He began to dress better and became more cocky about himself.  All the while, we would argue at home more and more and he just never provided me with any security in the marriage and he didn't help 50% with the things that he was supposed to.  I withdrew from desiring him in the bedroom because it was like he always wanted to have sex, but never do things that made me want to give myself to him willingly.  He would treat me horribly throughout our relationship but expected me to always want him as he wanted me.  I just felt like we never had a real relationship and that he never treated me the way that I deserved (to be treated as a woman) because he would always watch **** behind my back, get loans without me knowing (over 18-20 of them over the course of our marriage), and anything else he felt like doing behind my back.  This made me lack so much as a woman and take a second look at my decisions that I've made over the course of our entire lives together. He also tried to rape me February of 2009 while my 2 little ones were in the bed with me.  Not a situation where he started having sex with me and I didn't want it.  I am talking about kicking in my bedroom door and strangling me until I almost lost consciousness while the kids slept with me in the bed...ripping my clothes off and pushing me down the stairs to go have sex with him.   Fast-forward to the present time 2 kids later and pregnant with the third, he ups and leave me 2 weeks after I quit my job and told me that he wouldn't give me anything to help me with the rent and bills.  I had to go file for child support and things started to get really messy. When he left, he went to go stay with an ex female co-worker he had worked with 2 yrs ago and basically played off her emotions of liking him for a place to stay.  Mind you, allowing my kids to meet her and having her drop him off to come see the kids, etc.  A few months later, I learn he is also sleeping with someone, as I discovered his affair on his facebook page and I lost it.  I totaled his vehicle (mind you he stole my money to finance it after he left) and I was in such heartache and pain. He told me he was sorry he didn't leave the single life alone after I went off on him, and he said the affair was done and over with (although he keeps convincing himself that he had move on with his life in August after abandoning us).  He moves back home after 4 months and after finding all of this out because I was about to go in labor and I needed help with the children. This was around 4 months of PURE HELL!!!  Now, he wants to make this marriage work but I am so broken that I don't know if I have the strength to do it.  He seems apologetic at times, but I get this real cocky side to him when we argue as if he really isn't remorseful.  He had no std testing results and expects me to have sex with him and has also been pressuring me--which makes me sick to my stomach at times.  I feel like I am totally losing myself and I feel so stupid for allowing him to come back into my life.  Just the other day he tells me I don't know how to dress and I embarrass him in public sometimes when he is the reason I don't have money to by myself things because he keeps us in debt and he never does anything for me--no hair, nails, clothes, nothing.  I am a beautiful woman and I get hit on daily from guys.  My husband says he doesn't want to see me with another man, but I feel like he has had all his fun and wants to play daddy and hubby now because it is convenient for him.  I feel so used and I just don't know what to do.  I feel that if I leave him, he would not be in my kids lives as he is supposed to because that is what he did when he abandoned us a few months ago.  He still doesn't treat me as if he owes me anything and he told me if I expected that, I have another thing coming. Mind you, when he came back he agreed that we can take it one day at a time but that was a lie.  he expects me to just forget about the past and deal with the now, yet he doesn't like to answer questions I have for him without an attitude and shutting down.  We went to counseling once and he shut down in there after I expressed one of the things he does to hurt me and would not accept it for what it is and did not talk to me for days afterwards.   I know I need to pray, but what can I do? My oldest (4 y/o son) loves his father and thinks he is his world (when he abandoned us, he began to have emotional issues and went into fits often).   I am so lost and hurt and I am tired of this man preying on my inability to simply walk away.  I know I will never rebuild on my self-esteem and my life if I continue to deal with this.  Also, I am afraid how it will affect the kids if I leave.

**Update**

I decided to forgive him after playing back and forth in my mind when considering to continue this marriage.  We have been trying to do the family thing for a few days now...he has a new phone number and let me borrow it to take care of business yesterday.  I leave and decided to look through the phone and saw that he completely lied about when the affair ended.  He was still texting this chick for about a week or so after I found out about it (Nov. 25).  On top of that, I see that he has been having something with several other chicks as well during the time he was gone.  He had ask one of the females he had been involved with for nude photos like 3 days after our new baby was born.  Asking all this nasty stuff like "spread your ***** lips wide open for daddy, and all this sickening stuff.  All the while, he was in the hospital with me trying to play the husband-like role and ideal father.  I was trying to be a good person although I resented him in my heart and he did this to me.  He even sent the third female a picture of my newborn baby the day she was born.  I was floored yesterday and I let him have it.  I have the names of these females, all except the one he asked to send him nude pics.  I asked him her name and he told me this is considered the past since I forgave him.  I forgave what  I knew though.  He absolutely lied about the extire story and then there were other women in the mix.  I just feel l ike I am wasting my time trying to make a hoe a housewife.  He doesn't want to treat me with any type of decency and his excuse for sleeping around is "I was wishing it was you the entire time".  Upon reading the messages, he tells the first woman he is going to miss her ***** Dec. 3 when they stopped the affair.  I don't know if he is still keeping up something with the woman in the nude photos, but I don't want to wait around to find out.  He has not even attempted to explain anything to me and I told him he can make it right by calling these chicks and proving to me that the affairs are over.  He doesn't want to do anything.  I feel so disgusted and unclean because I gave myself to him a few nights ago after i forgave him.   He has already given me HPV (which causes cervical Cancer) and Chlamydia during our entire relationship and thank God that I am disease free in this present day.  My mom and dad have been indifferent up until this point but now my dad is telling me to leave him before I have a nervous breakdown.  I have been going through a lot of stress enduring all of this drama for the past 6 months.

New Update 12/30/2010

Wow, where do i start.  Although my husband never went into detail about the two other "unknown" chicks.  I wrote down their numbers for potential evidence in the future and I decided to attempt to make the marriage work considering he showed some type of remorse  by uncontrollably crying about how he ruined myself and the kids lives.  I was so hollow inside...I prayed to God to give me the strength to work it out because God knows I wanted to leave and get a divorce oh so bad because this guy isn't even up to my standards in a man.  This was the beginning of 2010 and I had just had the baby, so I was fat and feeling so worthless because of everything.  We got into a heated argument over him sleeping with the Brandy chick and he goes and mocks me about her continuously calling him after it was supposedly over.  He then goes on to tell me that I don't dress well and I embarrass him in public.  I told him that is because he neglects to take care of me--instead, bringing me down and draining me in every way.  Long story short....miraculously, I found it in my heart to forgive (nothing but the Lord there) and we started to mend our family back together.  We had gone to marital counseling a few times, yet it didnt work because he shut down. I gave him an ultimatum to go on his own because he started doing things again to let me know he hadn't changed.   We tried to make it work on our own...and....the drama started back up once again (sighs).  OMG,  he got mad @ me one day because he didn't agree who would watch our kids (his sister Renee and her husband he didnt like) while I had gone to a doctor's appointment so he takes off with my car and I missed my VA appointment with my psychiatrist (he has taken off with my vehicle on numerous occasions to spite me when I was leaving for school, work, appts. etc.).  I got a job on the military base and day I started working he took off with my truck and didn't help me with the kids.  We had made a pact like a month or so before I started work that he would switch shifts to watch the kids while I work to make things more convenient so it would be more of a benefit than cost in me working.  THAT WAS MY LAST STRAW WHEN HE MADE ME LOSE MY JOB.  I knew I wanted a divorce at this point--no if, maybe, or buts.  I ended up telling a childhood friend  on facebook (who was a guy) that I wanted a divorce and I was so heated I just went off about how unhappy I was in my marriage, etc.  The friend used to like me as a child so of course he flirted a little bit about how he crushed on me as a kids....it was harmless though.  I didn't log off because at this point...i could care less about my husband and if he saw it or not.  He needed to know how i felt.  He logged into my page (i guess being suspicious) and went off on me in front of my kids (calling me all kinds of black b****es) and I had to end up calling the cops on him.  The cops came out...he casually lied to them as if nothing ever happened.  The police had to interview my 4 yr old son to get the truth.  The cops threatened to take him to jail if he didnt leave.  Fast forward...he moves in with his parents and starts living the "single life" again...only this time the entire family condones it.  Everyone is cool with it and treating me as the enemy.  Myself and my kids were left abandoned....vehicleless (as he blew my fuel pump on my truck and ran my car hot) before he left) and nobody tried to look out for me and the kids to see if we needed food or anything.  They certainly made sure he had transporation though from work to home and wherever else he needed to go.  At this point, I knew this was not my family.  I learned my lesson--as long as we were together I was considered "family".  I put my trust in these people...I was thoroughly hurt beyond recognition.  He started sending the cops out to my house after finding out i got both vehicles fixed (i got student loans because I had no job, no money, no nothing).  In Georgia, we have the community property law...so he knew that and used the cops to come take my property knowing full and well he never had a car since I have known him for these past 7 yrs.  I was uttlerly disgusted in him and his family and how they were treating me and my kids.  I picked up the little dignity I had left in me and I relocated to a remote location with my kids.  Right before i left, I had heard from a reliable source close to the family that he had a girlfriend who was paraded around the family, and accepting in like there was no issue.  This is coming from a 'christian" family  now....supposedly so many morals regarding stuff as such.  Now, I am relocated...I have been struggling to take care my young ones and moving past all the scar tissue that he had left me with.....and my kids.  I have no contact with him and I intend on filing for divorce when I get my taxes and prove in court about all the abuses I have dealt with at the hands of him (physical, emotional, psychological, and verbal).  I am a graduate now with a bachelors of science in business administration--human resources management as of December 18, 2010.  I have been doing research on what could possibly be wrong with my husband (I always assumed he was bipolar or manic deppressant) but soon realized through many searches that he is indeed a SOCIOPATH.  I am certain that this is his illness because every symptom I have a testimony relating to it.  I want to send him the printed researched papers but I know it will fall on deaf ears and so I just focus on my little ones and myself.  He recently contacted me 3 weeks ago begging to get his family back...telling me he loved me...etc.  but I knew in my heart he was just trying to manipulate me.  This was around the time of my graduation...I eventually allowed the kids to see him---bringing them down there.  He starts making plans to come to my house....getting way off track based off the fact that I was being nice to him.  He told me he never cheated on me after I kicked him out in august (wow, really dude?)...yet females started playing on my facebook page telling me all sorts of stories of his transgressions.  the girl he was sleeping with was at my graduation. and rubbed it in my face over the phone and I didnt even know who she was.   I felt like a total fool for even attempting to listen to his reasoning --only to really come back and ruin our lives.  I ended up cussing him out over the phone and I told him to lose my number.  I had to change it because I knew he would not leave us alone.  He uses people and is a MASTER MANIPULATOR.  He always ignored my kids when he used to be mad @ me when he lived at home.  The only reason he is talking to his family is because he needs them right now..(he also talks really bad about his brother in laws) he has no transportation and living off 500 bucks bi weekly roughly with mommy and daddy.  The female who he stayed with and had a relationship with during these few months told me she kicked him out because he cheated on her (go figure), how she didnt give a damn about his family, and that he cried and cried at her house and displayed irrational behaviors that wasnt normal.  She told me that "he needs some professional help really bad" (as if I didnt know).  I asked her why would she not only sleep with a married man, but go around his family as if it were ok...her only response was I didn't know her situation.  Ok, Whatever. Although his family judges me, they know that something is definitely wrong with him...as he disowned all of them last year...and I took so many months to convince him to make amends with them.  My kids and I have been abused for so long during this entire marriage...I am moved and I am rebuilding on our lives.  His family despises me but they know deep down inside that I am a very intelligent woman who will not let anyone get in the way of my kids and I having a bright and happy future.   I am content right now because my life (although seemingly at a low point right now) is going to get better with time.  Throughout the pain, I feel blessed because God has truly stuck by me when nobody else has, and I still see a light at the end of this tunnel~

wifeynmommy06 wifeynmommy06
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 4, 2010

Your husband is a textbook sociopath.

Ah, yes....I've determined that. I LEFT HIM a while ago and he calls on a whim to act like he misses the kids, but he is only trying to find out what I'm doing. He feels like if we aren't together he shouldnt have to support them.

Have you ever visited www.lovefraud.com?

S'paths don't have a functional sense of loyalty or obligation. He doesn't feel that he should support anyone, period. They don't really understand loyalty, they only know that when they repeat certain words and phrases and play-act a certain way around others, it makes people more likely to give them what they want.