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Worst Feeling Ever...

Back many moons ago while still in college, I was in a 5 1/2 year long relationship with a woman who upon first meeting, had a 10 month old little girl named Madeleine. After six months of dating, she finally told me that she had a daughter as I was always wondering why we were always at my place instead of hers.

Fast forward 5 years - we had an issue in our relationship while living together. In August, she decided to move back "home" which was about 8 hours away - which at the time was just fine with me. Over the next few months, we still continued to talk - albeit by phone and email. She decided one day that she wanted to tell me how stupid she had been for leaving (blah blah blah) period and leaving me high and dry to fend for the high rent that I was forced to come up with every month as a college brat. Suffice to say, I entertained her notion of getting back together and we decided that it would be a good thing considering our history and at the end of the day, we were both happy with each other. So in December, she came for a visit and we had a few awesome days together. We decided that she would move back at the end of March. So for Spring Break, I decided I was going to go visit her - but prior to going, I knew she was at work and I accidentally called her home phone instead of her work phone.

Some guy answered......which I thought was quite strange.

I proceeded to tell him I'm an "old friend" of hers, etc etc etc so I asked how they knew each other. He told me that they had been dating for the last few months and were still together. I graciously thanked him for sharing all this info with me. I immediately called her and acted like nothing had happened and quizzed her in a round-about sort of way about her life. Finally I came out and told her what I knew (I'm sure I trashed her a bit, but I don't really recall) - and thanked her for her time. That was the last time I ever spoke with her even though she telephoned me countless times afterwards, but ultimately got the message.

Fast forward to 2010 - I still send her daughter bday and xmas gifts during the holiday season as I loved that kid like my own blood. I have no idea if the cards and gifts actually get to her because I have never once left a return address on any of the packages.

So...that is my story about heartbreak and how people can throw away history in the blink of an eye - at the end of the day, it boils down to respect.

Thanks for reading.
idlewatcher idlewatcher 31-35, M 38 Responses Sep 1, 2010

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During your earlier relationship, you were her plan A and her plan B was home. When she wanted back in your life, she was having issues with her plan A at the time, so she was trying to switch back to plan B, as in you. Luckily you found out about it. You showed the strength of your character by sending gifts to the little girl and whether or not you'll ever see her again, you know in your heart that you did the right thing. People should be clear about their intent without playing games.

Ok perhaps i should have read this before i had you placed with the others in the red box. Hey, sorry. I do hope this does not effect your decisions for the future.

What red box? And yes, you should never judge people b/c most of the time you'll be wrong in your assessment :)

Oh baby... You don't know me very well do you?

You're supposed to answer the question that was posed :)

What, what, what did I miss. Selective answering and/or reading ability.

WHAT IS RED BOX?

Ahhhhh.... That question. And a good question it is.

Are you high? lol

Another question? Man you are killing me.

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You will make a good husband and a father. Don't wait too long. You were young then. You are ready now. Unless you are already happily married;)

haha nah I'm not married. Thank you for the vote of confidence however :)

That's horrible! What a two timing ***** lol!

Tell me about it lol In the past so now worries :) Thanks for reading!

That had to be really hard, I know how u can love someone else child as ur own and how hard it is when u lose them.

Yea it sucked at the time, but was a long time ago now :)

need to forgive and move on
what she did is her stuff
don't let it poison you or your life

I don't understand how people can play like that. They must have no conscience at all.
I'm glad you found out and I admire you for how you handled that situation. I can only imagine how you must have felt.

Appreciate the words :)

It says a great deal about your character that you could look beyond betrayal to the innocent little girl who probably loved you just as much as you loved her. But that really doesn't surprise me - I had you pegged as a good guy all along despite your protestations. :) Don't be surprised if she comes looking for you someday just to thank you for the gifts and to tell you how much you meant to her all these years .

Thanks LB :) Your smart *** comments don't go unnoticed lol Nah, I doubt she will come looking for me although I did have some rather creepy thoughts about going to see her though. That was many years ago however. Plus, knowing her mom (and her family for that matter), they probably don't even pass along anything I've given nor sent. A shame really but I've moved on :) Thanks for your kind words as usual.

Hugs ~ :)

Great story and I admire how you handled it ;-)

Much appreciated Koko :)

You are a very proud man. I say this based on your honesty as well as your integrity. You did the right things, including sending 'your daughter' gifts...You should always feel pride in knowing the type of person that you are. You certainly deserve to find 'Your Lady'.


All the best to you, Sir idlewatcher!

Very much appreciated my friend - thanks :)

My pleasure!

Wow, that sucks! I have been deceived in a similar way. It is funny how those who are deceptive weave their web. I always try to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but after having been burned badly I am much more suspicious now, such as when the woman can only spend time at my place versus her place. There are a number of things I know now are "red flags" in a relationship. In the end, I found out I was dating a married person! It was really bad and just about ruined my life. What made it worse was I loved her very much.

Appreciate the reaching out ZTush - much appreciated. I do agree to an extent that it makes you a tad more suspicious when trusting someone, but we need to separate the two situations completely as they have zero relevance to eachother. Fortunately, this happened quite some time ago and I'm way over it :) Hopefully you are healed yourself :)

really sorry this happened to you.

:( Sorry to hear that. It must have really hurt.

Damn. Totally understand what you feel about this situation. Without the kid of course.

Some folks... it's just how it is. Hopefully you either got someone that reciprocates the love and respect you deserve, or you are just cruising through Life, enjoying every experience as it comes. Either way, you win :)

Thanks for the kind words Lysander!

Wow....some people are just plain stupid.....I"m sorry your heart was broken....but she didn't deserve you anyway....

This makes me angry

i believe your a good man idlewatcher and one day you will make a good father. dont give up on love because one woman betrayed u. it just meant that someone better was going to come along. i hope you have found or will find yourself a loving and faithful companion.

Thank you for the thought :)

Stop sending gifts. Do not send anything. Your "ex" is a just another *****.

You sre special....

he is a turd chaser.

Lol ....i couldnt tell glad thats clear now!

I admire you so much for being so gracious about everything and moving on the way you did it. I'm in a similar situation and I am finding it so hard to get past it. Part of the reason is because I really adore my boyfriend's son and his family. You make it sound so easy :)

why is it so hard for people to be honest? the truth may hurt but i would have preferred to be told the truth about her dating someone else. why even pretend that she's going to get back with you when she's seeing someone else all along? this is the BS games i hate.

Betrayal is such a painful experience. But you are right. At the end it all boils down to respect. No one can really say that they know how you feel but somehow being betrayed myself, I know that knot that seems to tighen every time you are reminded of the person and the deed. Sincerity and honesty are key to a lasting relationship.<br />
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I am glad that you have started to move on and happy that in spite of the pain and betrayal, you did not involve the daughter which you have learned to love like your own. She is apart from all this and we should never blame them for the "sins" of her/his parent.<br />
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God bless and I do pray that you will find the one person who will define you and appreciate you for the person that you are.

so sweet of you , that u still send gifts to that little girl. that shows how human you are at heart. be same always whatever bitter experiences you get in life. go on... this is how life is :)<br />
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www.bloggerkhushi.com

Wow, I've had my downsides with significant others and such, but wow...and to include that child. Nice to know you do honestly care about the kid though.<br />
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Sucks man, that sometimes ya gotta walk away to come back, and sometimes you just need to walk away period. ("Don't go away mad, just go away" lyrics come to mind, oddly)

I just read this. Uh, I'm so sorry to hear you were betrayed like this. It is unbelievable the deception people put us through.

Thanks Missjj - but this was many years ago so I don't give two sh*ts anymore :P

That sucks! I feel bad for you. I can totally relate, won't bore you with the details but i had a relationship with a guy for 2.5 years and he had a double life, he was a master manipulator / sociopath and i had to do lots of detective work cause he covered his tracks pretty well. The future can only get better and you are one step closer to finding the one you are meant to be with.

I know that hurts and its sad, and most everyone has had something similar, so youre not alone, and yet, dont let it skew your feelings, the brightest thing in life is that one out there for us all, and the journey to that heart can be amazing, despite the hurts, pains, that passes to make you who you are today and hopefully, the person for the one you do find happiness with, and we all want that :)..stay positive.:)

You need to completely cut ties and stop sending her daughter anything. Move on. Don't be foolish.

{{hugs}} <br />
ya know...you've learned...but i'll bet she's looked back and wished for what she and that precious child once had!<br />
there is just one tiny thing that caught my attention, though. it's that when you first met...she didn't tell you about madeline. how long was it before she revealed that rather important info? 6 months? that would , to me, indicate a person who leans toward deceit....and since she wasn't honest there...it is no shocker to me that she pulled what she did with the other guy! so unfair.

You should've listened to what she had to say.