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My First Love, Ruined By An Untrustworthy Friend Who Stabbed Me In The Back.

At the start of my second year of University I met a girl who was the most beautiful and unique person I'd ever met. She instantly found me attractive and I her. We had a lot of mutual friends and soon after we met for the first time she came around my house for a party, she was so nervous that she had to drink rather a lot to be in the same room as me! We ended up kissing that night and she stayed the night on our sofa with me. She left in the morning saying call me please, but only if you want to. She was so sweet and wonderful.
We became a couple and were together for two and a half years, during that time we used to argue about things like which one of us love the other more (soppy i know!), went on holiday together, went to family members' wedding together, she had a wonderful family as well. She told me on numerous occasions that she thought she'd hit the jackpot with me. She also told me that her ex before me had really messed her up, and there was distance involved, he told her that he'd cheated on her, then said he hadn't really. He sounded like a jerk. I could go on for ever but basically I was in love with her and became completely comfortable in her company. I completely respected her and always told her the truth, even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

About a year into our relationship. I was introduced by a mutual friend to a guy who seemed charismatic and charming, he should have graduated a year before me but he missed all his exams to go to the Philippians with his then girlfriend. We got on well and after a while he told me he'd looked at my group of friends with envy as we always seemed to be having fun, and meeting me was his way in. I see now that he would have left me high and dry there, had I not introduced him to my girlfriend and her's and my other friends. My girlfriend and him got on really well and only after a couple of months of knowing this guy, I went home for a few weeks, and he made a move on her. They and another male friend went out for a few drinks and went back to his house to watch a movie. She fell asleep and later woke up to him stroking her hair. She called me the day after in a panic and told me everything, and also was really worried I'd be angry, she said that she loved me sooooooooo much and it meant nothing (to her...) said she left in a hurry because she felt really awkward. My foundations were shook, I didn't know what to do, I didn't get angry and said thank you for telling me I love you too, she asked me not to confront the guy about it so I didn't and to this day he doesn't know I know.
This guy and I still hung out all the time, and I considered him a good friend, shortly after the hair stroking however I got my girlfriend into scuba diving and this 'friend' started too. I got a text from his phone one day saying "I've been spending a lot of time with your gf and I think I'm falling for her, just letting you know so watch out" I completely stopped trusting him from that moment on he clearly had no respect for me or my relationship with my gf and his ego was so huge he thought he could get her to cheat on me.
Despite all this we still hung out a lot and I see now he was just using me to get to her, he always put me down and made me feel small, was always quick to highlight my negatives. He sensed that I wasn't the most confident person I guess. I should be flattered because clearly he was jealous of my life.
That went on until University finished, and last summer a huge group of us went on a scuba holiday, including this guy and my gf. On that holiday she noticed how much of a **** he was to me and it really angered her, she told him that his humour had turned harsh and he said he didn't realise and started being far too nice to me.
Come September she stayed at uni to do a masters and I came home, to this day I don't know why. I didn't have enough money to do a masters straight away. We were both nervous about it but determined to make it work. I got a job working nights that I hated and moaned about a lot and It exhausted me. The time we could talk was greatly reduced I promised I'd move back up and quit my job and I did.
Pretty soon though whenever we talked on the phone, she'd tell me that this guy was always coming around her house to 'hang out' and stay overnight a lot, I started to get paranoid, but I still trusted her completely. I visited her when I could and wanted her to feel like she wasn't tied down by me because she didn't have a very fun first year because of her then bf at the time, I also felt threatened by this guy so I naturally took a back seat, when I feel threatened my natural response is to back down.
This just allowed him to worm his way in even more. It was no secret that my gf didn't like distance so he just made himself indispensable and waited for her to open up and trust him. He even went as far as getting a dog, because she missed her own. I started to get down and put her above me and my well-being. I asked her if she liked him a couple of times and she always assured me that he had nothing on me, he was like a brother to her and he wasn't anyway near as good looking or funny as I was. So I trusted her completely.
I finally quit my terrible job in November and was ready to move back up, she wrote me a letter saying she was so happy I'd quit and she loved me lots and lots and lots and told me to hurry up and move back up as she missed me loads. I couldn't wait. We spent Christmas apart as she always spent it with her family and I my family. we spoke new years eve and she said she loved me.
I went to come back for good in January of this year I was so proud of us both for beating her fear of distance and I was ready to treat her like the only girl in the world and make up for lost time. I arrived at her house and knew something was up, she hugged me but didn't kiss me, she broke up with me that evening and I just broke down and lost all dignity, we both cried, talked for days, she was so apologetic hugged me loads and kissed me loads and said she wanted to still be friends and I meant the world to her, but she'd been feeling distant for months, and mistook me backing down as me not caring anymore! Turned out that the person I thought was my friend had gained her trust and she had started telling him her issues and not me. I was blind-sited and so hurt, four months later I still miss her and love her deeply. I stayed up there after the break up for a couple of weeks in the jerks house if you'll believe it, and he started going around again and doing all the things she'd promised her and I would do together. I left and three weeks after I left, I found out he whisked her on holiday for his birthday and told her he liked her for ages and everybody knew. As far as I know she put up a fight but he didn't take no for an answer and I guess she must have been under enormous pressure to say yes due to the fact the holiday and journey home would have been awkward as hell not to mention it was his birthday as well. When I found out about them i was still wondering why I was suddenly single, still in love and missing her like crazy, I hit rock bottom and felt like nothing, so insignificant and lonely.
Up until that holiday was happening me and him were still talking and he was being nice (which was weird) telling me to hang in there and that I'll feel better soon. He stabbed me in the back and betrayed me and I hate him, I'm stuck at home without any independence and he is there with her while she finishes her masters and he is hanging out with all the friends I gave him. I have no doubt that he has made up lies about me and he treats girls like jerks, he just wanted my gf because she was unavailable and it posed a challenge for him. He practically boasted to me that he cheated on his gf before my ex. I'm worried that he is going to hurt her and mess her up even more.
I have a meeting with my ex next week for coffee we both kind of suggested it and she said it sounded like a great idea. She doesn't know that I know about them and I don't know whether to tell her how he treated me and the real reasons I seemed distant and uncaring???? I guess I stared to think, whats the point in trying hard when I hardly get to see her and this guy will just undo all my hard work. She came back from her holiday with my 'friend' to a letter from me, basically pouring my heart out, saying why I fell in love with her and that I still loved her, and apologizing for everything i felt I did wrong. She finally replied but the letter was short, she said she really appreciated the letter (not what you want to hear from the only girl you've ever loved) she said that I was truly a wonderful person and I meant the world to her, she said she'd understand if i never wanted to speak to her again, but she said she'd always be there for me if I ever wanted to meet or chat up. I think towards the end we both stopped feeling sexy and hadn't done anything romantic for ages. Mainly because of the geographical distance though. I think she got impatient and the distance got too much, I became hard to deal with and tough to motivate to do things like look for jobs and houses. She will always be the one I let get taken away from me. I'm afraid that i'll never find anyone again, and I'm not sure I want to. Instead of looking back on my first serious relationship with love and happiness, i just see him constantly trying to come between us and finally succeeding. Like I said I don't know whether to tell her when we meet up or not.
anonamous42 anonamous42 22-25 May 26, 2012

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