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Unhappily Ever After..

I've just come out of a five year relationship and I chose to end it myself recently & for good. I have tried to end it many times before, but because of my deepest love for this person I couldn't. And as unhappy as I was becoming, I stuck with it because of my true love for him.

I was going through so much hurt and it was painful. My personality was changing and I started to hate myself, thinking that I was at fault for all his mistakes he had made in our relationship. All I wanted was him in my life and nothing was ever going to make me think otherwise. I often thought of him as my knight and shining armor and that he was going to whisk me away and we'll get to live happily ever after. Well, so I thought..

I can't believe I waited this long for him and hoped that one day soon we will finally live together as a couple and get on with our lives (we lived apart becos we both care-givers for each member of our family) I was committed to him and helped him in every way possible. I cared for him when he was sick, I made myself available to go with him to any appointments he had made, I went along to support him in family functions and when my family invited me to spend christmas time with them, I always declined becos I wanted to be with him & his family. I was there..I was there..I was there!

Even my own children complained becos I chose him & his family over my own. I did it, because I wanted to show him how much he meant to me and how much I was in love with him! But, these last few months have been the pits for me. And I've had it with his mindgame tatics & his egotist ways. I've even expressed to him of how i was feeling and even cried out in desperation for him to stop doing the things he was doing to me! But, as usual it fell on deaf ears. I was extremely let down, but then on the other hand I know now where I stand. Hence the reason I left..LOVE does strange things to people, but it's the LUST that is truly evil, but LIFE goes on & I hope it will be for the better :) He won't find out what he has truly lost until it too late.

Gosh, thank goodness that's off my mind..Thanx EP :)

MoonLightLover MoonLightLover 41-45, F 3 Responses Aug 1, 2012

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My heart goes out to you in the pain of withdrawal & loss. I hope you know you made the right decision.<br />
You deserve a happy & loving relationship. I'm recently coming out of a relationship too, I hit rock bot. Each day it's getting brighter, It was so dark.<br />
Now I can see when she is being cruel or manipulative before I couldn't. <br />
Bless her the relationship was as much good as a chocolate tea pot. ;)

Hi Restfully, thanx for the reply &amp; the friendship add :). I feel stronger within myself than I have in such a long time. At least I know where I stand in my life now &amp; intent to keep going.

I do hope u find peace &amp; happiness too. I guess, in some (if not all) relationships, a breakup can be healthy, but also brings with it a lot of unworthy emotions. That's what life is all about I suppose! :)..Pls take extreme care of yourself &amp; hope u will find happiness in the near future &amp; well done for seeing things in a brighter way &amp; moving on up! Good luck for the future Restfully..:D

i sincerely hope you will find happiness and be more of you, please be there for your family as they will always be there in the end, no matter what.

Thank you for ur reply. Yes, I realize how family is more important than anyone else on this earth. I am gradually healing &amp; getting back into my own self again :D..Thanx once again..TC :)

oh god you wrote the story i have been trying to write for the last few months. Damn. Thank you. If you can get out then there is some hope for me.

Thanx for your reply hardcorecandy. Yes, I eventually saw myself changing for the worse and I didn't like me, for such a longtime. Because of the way he was treating me &amp; that kinda woke me up and decided it's best I leave, because nothing I saw in this relationship was ever going to make things any better (on his behalf) so, there was absolutely nothing I could do about it, but leave.

There is certainly hope for you and you will found it when you are ready :) Good Luck and I wish you all the best..Blessing &amp; hugsss :)