I've Been In Love But Got Too Scared

He was my best friend. He knew me better than I knew myself. And he loved me, and I loved him. I was naive, and got too scared to lose what we had. So we remained friends, we both loved each other, but we will always just be friends.
I was in love with him, and he told me he was in love with me.
I might have just walked out on what could have been the best relationship in my life, just because I was dumb and got scared and focused on "what ifs."
I just betrayed myself, and now it'll be "What if it worked, what if he was the one?"
Its all just a mystery now.
lonelydinosaur lonelydinosaur
26-30, F
4 Responses Jan 15, 2013

Living in the past I think we are only teasing ourselves, however I understand I do it myself. shoulda woulda coulda I can sure beat myself up a lot. I really try not to go there, I look forward try to keep my head up and positive. Past is just that, the past. People change however I would never say never, just keep an open mind and stay positive and I bet you will find somebody better. Somebody is waiting I bet there closer then you think. Good luck to you, look forward to future chats!

Part of life is throwing caution to the wind and gambling. It very well could be the high point of your life :) If things don't work out, you can remain friends. If not, then your friendship was a false prophet to begin with.

Thank you, yes, I learned it the hard way. I was young then and felt I wasn't ready for a relationship. But now I weigh my options, whether they are worth gambling or worth waiting. We are still friends, we still talk a lot and keep in touch. He's with his long-term girlfriend in another part of the world, and they are happy. He actually knows about my depression and he tries to fix me,esp during my lowest times.

Well don't get too discouraged if you still have feelings for this person. The term "girlfriend" is one step away from "Single" lol Until he marries her and has kids and buys a home together, the door is still slightly cracked ;)

I am not so sure about having feelings for him. Cause I also love his girlfriend. Not in a creepy way, okay. I mean, I like her for him. They actually show me that I could get that kind of happiness for me someday. They aren't married, but they're families are really tight and act like they already are.

Makes it even worse when you like the person they are with lol I know the feeling though. I didn't quite understand your comment of how they show you that you could get that kind of happiness for you - how does them being happy make you find your happiness? Did you mean to say that you are happy *for* them?

1 More Response

My dear Lonely dinosaur, First I am so sorry for my cold and hard heart. No excuse for my action please except my sincere apologies. I can relate to your heartbreak however mind happen few weeks ago. I was married over 25 years , we divorced and my life was turned upside down. Long sad story short I picked myself up and started to get involved with my church, taking class after class working hard on getting my head back on and healthy. 6 years later I felt great I had my bounce back in my walk, everything was good till, I met this lady, I was cool at first but she had this look about her, the way she would make eye contact with me, the way she would hold my hand, even how she would sit next to me, she would put her leg over my leg, Only way I can explain is We fit like a glove. I love to cuddle so did she, when we would cuddle she would just fit in. It was like we were one. And before I knew it I was falling in love and she said the samething she was in love too. It just kept getting better and better and it happened. We were making love and something came over me, I didn't say anything till I saw tears coming down her beautiful face, Then my tears started to flow I said did you just feel what I felt I cant explain what took place but I do know it was a God thing, it was like we became one. I was in love and it couldn't feel any better for me. As any relationship there will be some peaks and valleys however I knew with her on my side nothing was going to break us up, Then I lost my job, that hit me pretty hard however I still had my lady I was trying to stay positive keep my chin up. Now its getting pretty close to Christmas, we went out and bought a tree. I was so looking forward to spend our first Christmas together. Everything was ok, we would talk a lot over the phone and then I tried calling her for something not sure but she didn't answer and that was strange she would always answer me, text msg it didn't matter she would text right back I don't care if it was 2am she would text me back. I called again and same thing no answer and again and again she wouldn't answer. It was the day before Christmas I pack up my cloths and headed out for my ladys place. I get there and she answers the door and stood there didn't say a thing didn't invite me in

Im sorry I cant finish I will get back to EP soon

Its okay. I guess it was most of your anger and emotions talking earlier. Life does give us a hurling ball of $#!+ sometimes. And we try to shove it off and get up, and when we finally think we're up and standing, somebody comes to push you off the cliff.
I can't say I'm with you on your divorce, but I do sympathize with you. I haven't been married or engaged or anything. But I have been in love then cheated on. In love again then left behind. In love then turned down. In love then betrayed. In love then used. In love then he died. I haven't given up on love. Sometimes I just want to wait for it to arrive, but it gets lonely at times. I am no longer afraid to take risks with love, I was young when this story happened, but we are both happy for what turned out with our friendship. We remain good friends, and he's always there for me.

I would love to hear more of your story if you're up to telling. You can leave me a message or something. For what its worth, my Christmas was terrible too. and my new year was even worse. But I'm trying to be okay, it's difficult and lonely, but I'm giving my best.

Looks like you are living in a cage, to afraid to step out, take a leap of faith. So what you get your heartbroken, go back in your cage and watch from the window. I just had my heart smashed days ago, yes it hurts so bad sometimes i just cry. With that said I love life I will heal and be a better person and stronger. Im ok being alone with myself, I love who I am now and you cant destroy me, you are weak and a coward shame on you, get back in your cage and stay there.

If you read it and tried to understand, it was years ago, when I was very young and immature. Yes, I used to be afraid, and I wrote about it. But now I no longer am, and for your information, I do put myself out there. I've had several guys who I really loved after that, but they all broke my heart. And yet here I am, standing, still alive, fighting, and trying to be happy. My heart's been broken too many times for you to be saying I am weak and a coward. I do not live in a cage, I still love wholly despite getting hurt so bad, I still trust even though I get betrayed a lot. You have to be more careful with what you say, you should read in between the lines and understand what really is going on.

Just because you had your heart smashed days ago, doesn't give you a right to say mean things. I was just sharing my story. Knowing that you also cry when it hurts so bad means you are also weak. We all have weak points in life, that is when we need people who care, and not people who bring us down. Hope you are happy with yourself!