Crushed By My Wife Cheating On Me After 9 Years.

I just found out two days ago that my wife who I have been with for 9 years has been cheating on me with a guy she works with for thr past 5 months. We just got married in July and we have a beautiful 18 month old daughter. Im completely devasted. We have had a awsome relationship full of love and happiness. We have has some ups and downs, she comes from a very broken home and has always struggles with depression, anxiety and self worth. We have always worked through her issues and I have always helped her get help when she starts sliding into one of her depressive states. It has never even come close to being this bad. She is completely devasted over this as well. My family is her family, my friends are her friends, and now she has just realized that she has completely alienated herself. Everyone that cares about us is shocked because if you know my wife this is something you couldnt imagine her doing. I had to bring her to the hospital yesterday because she was so depressed and had no one to talk to she was literally going out of her mind. She is completely broken and I know that this person is not the woman that I have loved for the past 9 years. I am so devastated and completely heart broken but I still love her more than anything. Even through all my pain right now, I feel worse for her because I see her pain, and I see how hopeless she feels because of what she has done. I don't know what to do. I don't know if it makes me as crazy as she is if I try to forgive her and travel down the long hard road of being the happy loving couple that we have been for most of our lives. Of course on top of it all I found out a week earlier that I have skin cancer (melanoma). They believe they caught it early so I should be fine, but why would two horrible crushing things like this happen to me in the same week. Im so sad. I know things can always be worse, but its just so hard. Any comments or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening.
Devastedguy Devastedguy
26-30, M
5 Responses Feb 11, 2013

Don't give up on her, you have become more than her husband. You understand her life, her problems and reasons for her mistakes. She needs you in every way you could need, and love another person. Self-worth is insidious and creates demons in us that would put us on a path that is far from what our core belief in right and wrong are. I believe you are like me with a deep soul and are caring, understanding, loyal, loving person who believes the best in everyone can be found. At times I feel we are a dying breed. Stay the course, hold on to her, don't let every one of your family and friends abandon her, forgive her, and then forgive her again. Check this website, it made me feel different about my whole life.

my girlfriend was depressed and ended up cheating on me multiple times after everything i did for her and helping her through all her bad times. it is really a horrible feeling but i wanted to put it behind us and work through it. my opinion is if there is something to salvage it is worth fighting for. it seems like the two of you don't want to give up. she made a mistake and it sounds like she knows that and how much it has hurt you. the important thing is that you show her that you don't want to give up and hopefully neither does she. it is possible to forgive but never forget! when i got cheated on she got depressed and after helping her through it she did it again and again and she never once sat me down to apologise for it and in my opinion i let her off easy because i assumed it was the illness making her do it. don't let her mistake your kindness for weakness, that was my mistake. if you feel like she isn't putting the effort in to salvage your relationship tell her and start preparing yourself for the fact that it might not work out. always remember this is not something you did, it is so easy to blame yourself and forget that it was her that made the mistake, and thats the wrong road to go down. and always remember xp is always here. i found xp when i was looking for help with my girlfriend being depressed and saw all the stories on here and that gave me hope. this is a very supportive place with no judgment, remember that and good luck too the two of you, here if you need to talk

That's a hard one, I am the female side of all the above( except cheating) 9yrs, new marriage, new baby. I have to say I came to this site after googling "why my husband hates me" I have been alienated for so long. Though I get glimpses of who he used to be since I got pregnant 2 years ago, he's more this other person, aggressive, angry, confrontational person. It's not in me to cheat but if someone one were to give me that kind attention I long for I wouldn't know how to handle that. Worse of all I keep going back to a memory of when I was 8 mo preg, we were having the house painted and the new handrail needed to be put up but I somehow pissed him off and he watched a football game instead of helping me. I was 8 mo preg using an electric saw and drill.... To me my heart says "no matter how made I made you, what man lets his preg wife do that alone?"
I'm not sure of the logistics of your relationship but for me marriage is doing everything to work thru whatever, so whatever you can do to get past this needs to at least be attempted. I think this day in age and the hyper sexuality of our society, cheating isn't a deal breaker( once!) sounds like she needs help and then you two will need it to recover from this. Marriage is good and bad, this is just the worst of it all. Lastly, I had melanoma as well, and I'm perfectly fine, just scary till it is cleared. When it rains is pours. I know all the above is in retrospect, I'm so sorry about the cheating, I know your heart drops and feels like the ultimate deceit. But you can't change that it happened and unfortunately now it's just about getting over it( or at least accepting that it happened and has nothing to do with you). Good luck.

I'm so sorry....I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I hope you two get the help you need and you are able to fix your relationship. A happy marriage is a wonderful thing and it sure sounds like you wouldn't want to throw it all away. Try and be strong and hopefully it will all work out for you. Also, I hope the melanoma will be eliminated and you stay healthy and strong. Good luck to you!

I'm sorry my brother. Im going through the same today. I just found out yesterday.god bless you. I know your pain