You Cant Break My Halo!

One Year.  One whole year "babe", and now youre gone. Poof! All those wonderful things you said to me....

 

Oh! How I love you! And you took that with you and I have none for myself. Thanks a lot "hun!"

 

You selfish son of a *****. 

You knew. You knew how this would affect me. That I have no one else. The things you said to me: " ....just sex to me"  "I never learned anything from you."  "I wasted months of school on you"  " You took my money, love ...gave nothing but sex" You never loved me'"

All terrible lies. How could you say this to me? Has your mother brainwashed you so thoroughly or are you that stupid on your own? How could you say I dont love you?

I never wanted you to skip school- you were doin that dumb **** years before you met me, so dont try to blame me. I "wasted" days away with you when I should have been at work (because-unlike you- I buy my own food, without the help of 'mommy')

I listened to you talk about things you said you normally wouldnt tell anyone. You felt comfortable enough to cry in front of me multiple times.

 I sneaked over to your house countless summer evenings to suck your **** for you. I put up with bed bug bites so i could please YOU. I had to ******* hide in your small closet nearly ******* my pants with fear.  Why? Cuz you wanted me to.  We had plans. We were supposed to continue to grow together. But, according to you, we never grew in the first place.

I was your FIRST. I handled you so delicately, because I didnt want to break you. Though you think I was hard on you because my personality is so blunt. Get the **** over it. I tried. I tried to change for you, and I did. You know I got better. But now that doesnt matter. Nothing matters, I dont matter to you anymore.

Im nothing. Right?

Did you know that I spent the night at the hospital the day before yesterday? Do you know how scary it is to feel so angry with yourself-to want to take your own life? Do you how painfull it is to have the people who are supposed to love you the most LEAVE YOU?! I gave you all of myself -my time, my love, my everything- and I have nothing left. You should know this. How dare you ever say anything otherwise?

I hope I get the courage to do it. I am so angry with this life- with myself. Im so sad, so tired, I dont know if I can do it anymore. I cant trust anymore, I dont want to love anymore. You ****** me up for life. You, my family, middle school and high school, there are so many things that lead up to this- the breakup was just salt in the wound, the final straw. I cant take it anymore. I hate you so much. I love you so much. YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU YOU  WHAT ABOUT ME?? Im done.

You said you wouldnt judge, you loved me, only a fool would leave me you said....you gave me all that.  And now youre trying to break my halo.

Lamchops Lamchops
18-21, F
Mar 4, 2010