I Give Up

im tired of everything i have tried to get my life together to bring my children home again, i keep failing there is always something that comes about i dont have the money to pay the rent, pay the bills, get a place big enough nor do i have the money to put food on the table for them and the father of my daughters want let me see my daughters so when she can his mother sneaks them out to come see me about twice a year and i just cant take that anymore. i have never been good enough to keep the things that mean anything in my life. my sons stay with their grandmother and they come when they want but to feed them i take the gas money, the laundry money, and whatever i can gather to feed them. im a failure and im truely feeling i dont want no one around me im more happy sitting in the dark it's been 3 years since i put my children in the places where they are and i should have known when i couldnt do it after a couple of months i should have given up then instead of making my children suffer. waiting for when they could come home. yes im married to a wonderful man and he works everyday that he can, but still there is not enough money, sometimes we go days without eating, but i have to save for when my children want to come, but now theyre getting used to the places where they are.

linnn linnn
36-40, F
2 Responses Mar 9, 2010

Don't give up hope and on yourself that you CAN do a good job of things. If you keep thinking that you are going to make a hash of things, things tend to follow suit to your internal voice be it positive or negative. Gratitude is so important in finding your way out of a hole because it reminds us that we ARE special and that we can see difficult situations through to better times. Keep your spirits uplifted by trying to find things that inspire you and then you will find that you have much more purpose and something to give that is uniquely you.

this is the first story from a struggling mother that i have read here. i don't have anything really to say as advice but i just wanted to say, you are giving a voice to a lot of other struggling mothers. mothers by virtue of their nature don't communicate their fears so easily. i have a mother who probably could have written ur same story. i rarely ever see her weakness and reading ur story i sensed that this is what it would look like. i know that you need money to provide ur children with a good life and to feel that you can support them adequately. but kids need more than just that. if they could give a voice to their experience of you i am sure it would be coloured with a lot of love. i wish u all the best in ur journey as a mother. it is the hardest job in the world and i really really really felt from ur words that you are doing the best you can. god WILL bless you.......bf.