Ending The Insanity Of A Toxic Realtionship...it Is Hard

I have been in an on again off again relationship with a youn woman 11 years my junior. She struggles with manic depression and is certified as bi-polar. I really do not know what that all means. But I can tell you that i have been injured heavily by this person but yet still have the gall to say that I still love her. It is tragic to see this bright person constantly destroy everything around her. i believe in God and for some reason I feel that I am to lay down my life for this person. Thus far I have truly done this. Did it help? No not at all it has only made things worse. This person has abused me to no end. I have been jailed bcause of her I have lost ministries and friends because of her and now I am hurting inside because once again she is in trouble and I can not do a thing to help her. I guess this is God's way of moving her on and I really need to accept it. Fortunately for me God allowed a friend of mines from the pst to actually rescue me. For that I am grateful but I am starting to think that this too may be a toxic relationship. I do not understand why as intelliegent as I seem to be I cannot seem to stay away from the lunies. I will ask for help on that one. But I was watching a show the other day where a group of guys was talking about dates that they had had before that the girls had the crazy eye. I am now at the age where I hopefully will be ale to see the crazy eyes and run. I do not know I need friends to help get throught the greiving process of loosing this person. I hate her for what she has done but I hate myself more. I need to end it and find it so difficult to do so. I feel so like just being there for her, but when I do she cuts me to shreds with the things that she does. I know this is not love it is truly insanity. I need to stop. It is like being on drugs actually to me it is worse than being on drugs at least with drugs there was a temporary satisfation from it. This leaves me empty al;one and very confused.

disciple0829 disciple0829
46-50, M
1 Response Mar 4, 2010

This sounds simular to my story. Your right! It is Toxic. I guess I relate because I am wondering Why Me. Why can we not stop and analyze before moving forward with these people who only bring us down. I have been searchin for answers. I think we love too much and want to much from people. Or we have been lucky enough to find people that fit us. There are different levels of these relationships and they also include subtle narcissism. Keep fighting forward and cut off all ties.