Damaging Friendships

I have apparently developed the ability to walk away from damaging relationships - in a friend sense at least. In some ways I feel friendships are more intimate than what you might experience with a lover. The physical aspect may be missing but friends are entrusted with darkest secrets in the expectation that they won't be turned against you. My friends used to be fun. I used to be a happy person. Being young, drama was welcome as fodder for coffee conversations and drunken story telling. The drama, like a drug, had to become more and more severe in order to get that same rush one used to get from minor things. As this progressed, friends that thrived on crisis became the centre of the frindship circles and those who were more stable fell to the backburner. I have literally spent the last two years in crisis mode. Stressed, angry, and exhausted. The first friendship to go came about when the drama became not about someone else - but surrounded me in its life-force sapping grip. A friend backstabbing and plotting an eviction - a friend refusing to discuss the issue further - finding it easier to walk away completey. I didn't understand walking away at the time, I wondered why she didn't want to fight to keep the friendship alive.. I mean... what fantastic drama! Months later, an apology email of sorts has arrived. I don't harbour any hard feelings for the individual, but I have begun to relish the lack of crisis on that front. The phone rings less.. but anytime I answer the phone it seems I have to work. In the meantime, I met someone who has mastered the art of living lightly. He has stared ego in the face and managed to separate, establishing firm boundaries between that feeling that comes when you've been "wronged" and happiness. I'm also reading Eckart Tolle, as the pages turn the lessons present themselves. That's background: the story now begins. I have a friend I felt obligated to stay with (at times). When things were good - they were amazing. Brilliant human being, an interesting angle on anything, and a firm believer in researching an argument before choosing a side. When things were bad - they were horror movie bad. A close relationship with this person seems to come with months of good followed by being torn down, called the scum of the earth, and branded an ******* until one caves and agrees that they are indeed the scum mentioned prior. The third round of this started last week when I woke up to a text stating simply that the friendship was over. Sick and at work, I was in no mood nor had the time to reply. I then got three more texts about how hurtful it was that I didn't answer the text. I replied, saying I was working and the response was vitriol followed by a speech about different paths and not wanting to talk to me further. This was fine, I put the blackberry away. The first day was odd, there was a noticeable absesnse. The flip side was that I wasn't feeling angst. My stomach felt.. normal. There was no weight on the chest, I wasn't bitter about my job, my lot in life, or worrying about someone that's wronging someone else... in other words.. relief. Now the issue here was that my partner had left his glasses and leash at her house, and not understanding what would ensue from such a request, wanted his things back. Long story short, the response was anger, passive aggression, and ridiculousness. I doubt she even remembers what was said the week before to prompt the beginnings of the break. No apology coming forth however I feel my stand is done. I removed her from blackberry messenger after deciding that I was indeed done, which prompted two emails, both vindictive and designed to inflict pain - but I know her tricks, I've seen her use them on other friends, boyfriends, boyfriend wanna-bes. It offers a sense of immunity when you know what's going to happen before it does. Out of respect I did read her emails, I combed through them for anything that could be a lesson. It was empty, a flailing of someone who has realized their bluff has been called. There will be more messages, of this I'm sure. The pattern is if the first inflammatory email doesn't get a response, send another meaner nastier one. Now the challenge is to locate those drama-free friends that fell to the back burner.
dooder85 dooder85
26-30, M
Aug 9, 2010