I Met A Boy So Long Ago

I met a boy so long ago; it was about three years ago.... I love him and care for him as he didn't back
when we were together he play game with me in my head and not realizing it, as he told me he love me but he stable me in the back. We created something special and she all I got of him. I loved him, I loved him, and my tears just run down my face. He broke my heart and there nothing I can do about it.
Will I be happy again, why can I just move on.. why do I miss him and can't get him out of my head.
I can't sleep I just toss around, there no one there to whisper I love you in my ear, to tell me how beautiful I am inside I don't think I will find love when love is not around, I don't think I am beautiful, I don't think am sexy but who cares , there nothing for me, I can't trust men anymore.. There no feeling inside of me to love anymore, I get to scared when I get close to someone, I get to scared if I say something wrong. This guy I knew three years old is married man now .. He married to a girl he only knew two months. We fight all the time but relationships do, but it my fault. I know they fight two, I heard all the time.. But why did I get left behind when we had a child. I feel she in the middle as my oldest one two.. was it because I complained, as he left every night and went to her house, and slept with her as are kids were in bed. Why does this happen to me as all I want is someone to love me. I don't know what to do, when he slept with three other girls, and I didn't know why this happened to me.. Was I good at bed when I was not love instead. There nothing to say when all I do is run around doing things on my own when going to bed alone, I just look up at the ceiling and tell me self it will be ok! Why do I have to be treated like this when all I have is a good heart inside Is God telling me something that I don't know, is God punishing me for something I done wrong. I talk to guys to overcome this to see if someone out there for me, I push guy away when only I don't think it will ever be when I can't stop to think .. That all I wanted was him, and there nothing I can change him but just move on and put one foot after the other. I don't talk to no one else, I lie to myself telling people I don't care anymore, I don't want him anymore but I do ... Will my heart see light again, with happiness and love, I don't think that will happen because all my dreams I feel are just fantasy.
What is wrong with me, but he gone. He works at the same company and it hard for me to let go, I can see him around with his wife and all i think is hate but truely deep down inside of me is a man that i will always love.
May 14, 2012