Desperate Measures..

There's a lot of stuff i'm going to vent in this post. Okay, so I've always wanted someone to need me, I think everyone does! in fact no i think people need it themselves, but every time i come close to it i get scared and i do panic. Basically I've cheated on a few people, and i hate myself for it i really do and i don't know what i was thinking doing it again after the first time because that was the worse, maybe i realized after i was in love, but i'm not even sure what love is, i guess i thought that he was the one and doing it to anyone else doesn't matter. I've had it done to me a lot myself so i can see how horrid it is from both sides, it's repulsive, i'm only 18 but I've been with 16 guys, most of which were in those type of stupid and pointless little relationships that are guaranteed to not work out, some of them have been for love and some have been drunken things in which I've gotten into the state of mind of having someone want me, want my company and do something for me, it's disgusting and defiantly not how i should seek attention, luckily i haven't got a reputation about it as i always kept it on the low and was careful about it, protection and all but I've lost some of the people who made the biggest impact on my life and I've broken my own heart and i wish i realized it sooner that, this isn't the right way to get attention or make someone need you, it's how you make someone want you, and for the wrong reasons.