Being Bumped By Msn While We Were Engaged And I Was At The Point To Move To His Country

MR and I met in Helsinki and soon after my visit, I went to see him in his Finnish town, Turku so after a while we became engaged. It was fast but I was really in love with MR and eager to share my life with him.

As a foreigner and despite a high social position in my home EU country, I was at the point of moving to Finland just for this guy and was actively searching for a job there. My fiancé was aware of it and fully encouraging me to come.

As I was the only one making huge decision like leaving my home country and job, before I did this, I asked him to commit on one point which was crucial to me: having children and raise them together.
Soon he behaved like a fish and as, in addition, I was also puzzled by his friends' interference in our couple and life projects intimacy, I started to doubt about his commitment to me. I started to think MR was just a nice liar who told me a lot of things just to have me and to brag about the mature woman who was engaged to him (I was 18 years older than him). It started to occupy my brain and I needed an answer and decided to open the book of questions. So one day, MR and I had a light Facebook argument during which I asked MR in front of his virtual friends to take his part of responsibilities for parenthood and our common projects.
I was insulted back by his friends with very xenophobic comments.
None of his commenting friends treated me like his fiancée and respected me.
In opposite, they were really agressive towards me.
What I have learned since when, was that, apparently, MR was calling them on the phone saying he was so hurt, and claiming he did not understand what happened and so they were answering back based on what he told them. To me MR said he was not responsible of his friends comments...He did not even try to protect me...
But in opposite, he did not like to be confronted like this on Facebook. So instead of behaving like an adult and simply admitting he had made promises he will never respect, he became angry.
He could just have admitted : he made those promises too fast, that he was too young, that he was not ready.
But no : instead he broke-up in a very brutal manner without any proper and respectful talk with the excuse I should not have behaved this way on Facebook. He first broke up by sms with me that day (while I was at work) and then that night, we had a msn chat during which he broke up a second time (by webcam) with me in 30 s.
He refused to have a closure talk in person face to face.
I told him that, due to the fact we were engaged, it would be more appropriate to see each other in real life and to break up this relationship in a more respectful and peaceful way for both parts. I offered to fly to his hometown : Turku. but he refused and said "it was not necessary". And 2 days later, my ex-fiancé sent me a sms not to contact him anymore. I was shocked and stayed in this state of shock during 2 months (I lost 10 kg and I am not exactly fat). I was so shocked because it was the first time such a story happened in my life.
One week ago, he wanted me to move to his hometown just for him, I was his "big love" and suddenly I was persona non grata in his life just because I asked him to commit and to tell me the truth publicly on Facebook. I was persona non grata just because I confronted him and it hurt his ego and good image publicly?
He even told me cowardly 'we never said we should be exclusive"...No comment. Can an engaged man say that ?
And to make me silent, to avoid having me telling to my own version of the story, my ex-fiancé started to give an insulting image of me to his friends and family members. As he did not want to bear his part of responsibility in our story failure and break-up, he chose instead of destroying my image. It was easy : as I was abroad, speaking another language, being from another nationality, I could not fight back, tell his friends and parents what really happened, my version of the story, this version you read. My only communication media was internet or sms.
So MR started to tell them he felt threatened by me and started to perform as is... And to give a complete different version of this story (a version in which he depicted me as "disturbed" and as a “stalker”). The more I tried to explain to his friends the real story, the more, some of them believed what he told them : it was a huge trap. For some other, they are now more distant to him.

This break-up was the worst ever break-up I had in my life because :

* he bumped me by sms and then msn chat like if I were a teenager (I am 38 years old)
* while we were engaged, he refused to have a peaceful and respectful closure talk in person with me
* he started and online and offline communication campaign depicting me among his friends & relatives as a "stalker" and "disturbed" to ruin my reputation and image (My mental health is excellent thank you :o)
* he refused any mediation talk I could have with him (even now) so it forced me to assign him officially by a lawyer letter
* he withdrew all the commitments he had taken with me (we were engaged) in a very brutal manner

For the records, the few other break-up I had in my life went very peacefully and among my friends, I have a lot of my ex'.
Raudaskoski Raudaskoski
36-40, F
Aug 9, 2010