Not Proud Of My Actions But I Am Happy Where I Am Now.

My boyfriend and I had been together for about 3 years and he wasn't happy at his job. I wasn't happy in the relationship, but I thought a change might make things better so he got a job with my dad doing maintenence work. We lived two hours from the place so we moved in with my parents while looking for a place of our own. Seeing how he acted in my parents house gave me pause...he didn't clean up after himself after dinner, he was loud in the mornings (he hated getting up early and would stomp around like a child). I told him I wasn't happy and I wanted things to change, but he didn't think anything of it, just me complaining. For the last two years I had lived with him away from my friends and family so being back home I reconnected with my friends. He would rather come home from work and play video games than hang out with my friends and I so I went by myself. I ended up hanging out with my now husband at a friends house every weekend and as it will happen some feelings faded while others grew stronger.
At the end of August we went up to his families house on a lake in NY, we argued before we left and for the first two days we barely spoke. While driving up there one day I heard a song on the radio (Hate me by Blue October) that made me cry because I knew where all this was heading and I knew what I had to do and I knew he was going to hate me.
I told him that we needed to break up and he asked if there was any hope of us fixing it and I said I didn't know. He tried to have an intervention with my parents which didn't go well, I was like a dog backed into a corner. I started staying at my best friends house every other night and he just stayed at my parents....for three months after. I had surgery during this time and a couple days after my now hubby stopped by to check on me. My boyfriend showed up (he was supposed to be at work) and assumed the worst. (He hadn't even said a word to me after surgery to ask how I was feeling or anything he just ignored me.) He wrote me a terribly hurtful letter which I ripped to pieces but will live in my brain forever. Also, he left it where my nosey mom would read it, which made it even more embarrassing. The next day he told me to say goodbye to our cats because he was taking them. I cried and cried but knew I couldn't do anything about it and he just wanted to hurt me anyway he could.
We spoke through email a few times about separating our insurance and phones and the like. They were terse conversations at best. I let him take what he wanted from our storage, and he ended up taking all of the CD's and some of my home videos from years ago. I assume he threw them away because any time I asked about them he just ignores my email.
I went to a show at a club last weekend and while there I found out from a friend of his that he was working that night. He must have hid out because I didn't see him once.

"I guess I let you down, I'll see you around... But not if you see me first. Then I won't see you at all."
someblonderedhead someblonderedhead
31-35, F
Jun 15, 2011