I've Been Alone Ever Since

I had a horrible experience over six years ago and I've been ****** ever since. It wasn't me breaking up with her that was so horrible it was the day after when she called me up with some other guy and claimed that she was breaking up with me. So anyway, I am a white male in my early twenties and it seems I will live a short a life, mostly because of very undesirable body and within that, my small hands and arms, bad teeth, huge head, bad stretch marks fat belly, and my small and crooked penis. Its is roughly 5in by 5in. ( I rounded up) Besides this I am not horribly ugly but I am now getting fat at 190lbs now because I just don't care about taking care of my body for the sake of finding a partner who will not be satisfied anyway. I have only had sex with one girl and in my mind at the time, it was a very serious relationship. It was six years ago. It only lasted about nine months and its the only relationship I have ever been in. Its was a long distance relationship and I now strongly believe that she was cheating on me most of the time and she defiantly was at the end of it. When we were together she would sometimes say things like "it needs to at least go up to your belly button." or she might kind of laugh and point at the tag that was on my underwear that said "hang ten". I didn't get that at the time, but I do now. Its a long, painful story but in the end, the day after I broke up with her (after she was acting suspicious and I heard from people that she was cheating on me) she called me up with some other dude who was saying "hey I heard you have a baby ****" and she was whispering "baby ****" and telling me that her past f-buddy was much better in bed than I ever could be and so on. I should also point out that during this relationship she basically forced me to get engaged to her. I never treated her badly, not ever. She would never put any effort into sex especially if it was oral or anything where she had to do something, she would just f around holding it not really doing anything. Whenever I went down on her and a small handful of the times we had normal sex she tell me that I'm "driving her crazy" and have me stop. I cannot forgive her to this day. I am not at all open to using any kind of toys or extenders or any of that ****. I, myself have strong sexual desires, but apparently from the research I've been doing using the real world and the internet I will never have a girl who wants to fulfill those desires because I am physically inadequate. So in these last six years I have had absolutely no 'more than platonic' contact with a girl. I don't want anything but a serious relationship, but I guess when it comes to what I want it doesn't matter because it seems that there is no one that I would consider "adequate" myself, who would have me. It seems as long as I exist in this physical body, I will never be happy and will always feel soul crushing pain/loneliness and feelings of hatred, envy and wrath. Girls probably think I'm rude because I hardly ever say hi to them or say anything to them but the only reason I don't is because I feel that it is pretty pointless because either it is impossible for me to ever be with them or they are already so tainted or I know that they have been with guys who I'm sure are bigger down there than me so I just don't try at all. I have nothing to offer them that they would actually want and consider it enough reason to stay with me. I also don't want to be just tolerable enough to stay with for awhile, I want to be a girl's everything and nothing less so they don't even consider other guys even in the slightest bit. I know that  that is supposedly unrealistic but I don't care, that's how I feel and I will not be lied to about that. This is the only way that I can express my feelings because I can't trust anyone enough to tell them what the main problem is because it is exactly the kind of thing that everybody, especially girls, just love to make fun of. And its not like a damn thing can be done to get rid of this problem. My existence is a contradiction to itself: what I need the most, I am the most ill-equipped for.I don't think that there is a one or anyone (for me) at all. I don't have enough personality or enough ANYTHING for any girl that I would like. I don't want to play up the 'motherly instinct' in a girl and I don't really want pity. What realistically want now is a permanent rest from this, I want this to end. Also, no religion, it does not help.

So girls, is it wrong for me to feel this way?

Opinions please

 

 

DEADALREADY DEADALREADY
22-25, M
3 Responses Mar 27, 2009

You are giving this ex-girlfriend entirely too much meaning in your present life. You have accepted the ugly things she said to you as FACT. That relationship, and that horrible girl are gone from your life, and you should be glad of that. Stop letting her define who you are and how you view yourself today. <br />
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So you are not physically flawless. So what? Most of us aren't. Perfection is a bit boring, anyway. Most of us have stretch marks, cellulite, and other physical flaws that make us feel insecure about our bodies. I think it is probably even harder for women. <br />
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You have got to make peace with the skin you are in. It is the body you have, and I doubt you are hideous, regardless of how you view yourself. Accept yourself, flaws and all, and put that past relationship behind you. Get out there and meet someone new.

Well, I'm a girl. I can assure you, that there are girls out there who will love you anyway. The problem you seem to have here is that you have no self esteem and you believe that the s**t who screwed you over is like all women. You can work out and such, but only because it will make you feel better about yourself and have more confidence. It is all about personality and everyone has one, so don't say you don't. You can get involved in different things to meet people and have things to talk about. People in general (not just girls) are drawn to happiness and confidence like birds to shiny cars.

Well, I'm a girl. I can assure you, that there are girls out there who will love you anyway. The problem you seem to have here is that you have no self esteem and you believe that the s**t who screwed you over is like all women. You can work out and such, but only because it will make you feel better about yourself and have more confidence. And about size, it doesn't really matter (it is still very possible to please a woman :) ), you just found a cruel heartless b***h. It is all about personality and everyone has one, so don't say you don't. You can get involved in different things to meet people and have things to talk about. People in general (not just girls) are drawn to happiness and confidence like birds to shiny cars.