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Breakup? What Breakup?!?

Here's my own story about a ridiculous breakup. I don't know that it's the worst EVER, but it's certainly infuriating.

I had been dating this guy for about a year. He had some serious issues, but he was really sweet and considerate, always surprising me with little presents, etc. So I kept hoping that there was a future to the relationship. But at some point I finally realised that it needed to end.

I worked up the courage to call him (we were living about an hour away from each other at the time, so we weren't seeing each other too frequently) and told him it was over. We could still be friends, we could still hang out, but our relationship issues were just too much to be overcome. He cried. I cried. We were on the phone for awhile before I finally called it quits.

I was going to let him make the next move, since he was the injured party. If he wanted to be friends, that was fine. If not, that was fine too, and probably easier.

About a week went by and I hadn't heard from him. Then I got home and apparently he'd been calling all day trying to reach me. I thought something might be wrong, so I called him back.

He was acting evasive, trying to make small talk, etc. I was trying to figure out why he was calling me all day if he didn't have anything to say. Then all of a sudden he comes out with it: "I think we should break up. It's not you, it's me. Blah blah blah." After saying this, he immediately shifted to, "There's people at the door, so I have to go. Bye." Click.

I was absolutely stunned. I don't think I said anything. My mouth was hanging open. I threw the wireless phone across the room in my fury. What the heck?

Did he legitimately forget that I had broken up with him? Did he suppress the memory of that hour long tear filled conversation? I don't think it's possible that he misunderstood what I was saying in any way. Maybe he had people on his end that he wanted to convince that he didn't get dumped, that he had dumped me? I still can't make sense of it. What the heck?!?

journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 667 Responses Oct 18, 2007

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I think you're spot on about wanting to convince his friends that he was the one doing the dumping. It sounds like he really cared about you a lot. He probably put a lot into the relationship and felt like he'd failed when it ended. Not wanting to look like a failure for his friends, he says, "Ok, I'm doing it now." and calls you. The time when he didn't talk to you at all was probably his grieving time, if he had blocked out the memory of you breaking up, wouldn't he have acted as if nothing had happened? Instead of breaking off all contact with you and then randomly calling a week later to "break up" again? I think he had someone to convince.

Really sorry about it. It's never a happy moment you lose a love, from either end. I'm in the midst of it myself with a divorce. Hang in there, all things come to an end.

pride, yo!

It sounds like he isn't dealing with it AT ALL and is making one last shot at self preservation. I know from experience, sometimes when you break up with someone, they can get irrational and act out of pain of rejection or heartbreak and I can understand that. It's one of the saddest things most of us have to go through at some point. But it passes. I wouldn't invest too much thinking into it, just know you definitely did the right thing and move on xo

Well atleast you aren't my ex who needed to cuddle a little after the break up (we had a bad fight or whatever) then he says, you think exes do this? wE AREN'T TOGETHER!

You know the actual truth,therefore let him think it was his moment and you go forward.

That is the major thing with breakup

This is just silly. Seems immature. Who cares who broke it up? Respect the hopefully respectable and respectful person you mutually entered a relationship with

He wanted leverage so he pretended to be the one doing the break up ;)

My ex gf did that to me it made me so pissed cus I blatantly and obviously broke it up

that wasnt the worst break up...that may just be a double break up......hahah!!!..but seriously, I think he's trying to hurt you the way you have hurt him. and I really think he just wants you to think about him.

Haha, that's absolutely not the worst break up at all. In fact that sounds like a pretty smooth break up without anything really bad happening at all. Its really really strange but not bad.

Obviously the guy didn't want to break up... so when you broke up with him, he was giving it a week, hoping and thinking you would come back. When you didn't he said well I need closure and need help getting over this. So he called you to break up, but its really because like someone said below, his ego was bruised... I think he is also still kind of trying to get you back. The only reason he called was literally to try to make it seem like he was over you and didn't want you. he was hoping that if he did that, then you would want him back... Want you can't have type of thing...

That dude is strange, even my most recent breakup, a few weeks ago, which wasn't that bad had more theatrics than this one... this one is just kind of strange and funny. I'm sure its not funny to you and I'm sure you hurt.. it hurts to break up with someone, it hurts to hurt someone and to realize you are once again at square one and have to build up a relationship to the comfort stage you were already at with another person.. so I understand, but good luck with it all!

Poor guy, you bruised his ego and the best way to heal it was a little jerkyness. He deserved a little payback and at the end of the day You got what you wanted in the first place, a break up :)

His pride was crushed because he had been dumped, he cried about it to you and he wanted his friends to think he broke up with you. Don't feel bad for dumping him, its not your fault he is insecure and prideful. Sorry tht you had a similar experience @prakashprabodh we all pity you.

He gave you the feeling you gave to him. Pity you, writing this on a website, searching for solace. Happy he dumped you

My only guess is because he wanted to be the one to do the break up because he thinks its only the man's job to do the break up to be more of a man.

Oh my... too funny!

He has many issues so he is trying to resolve one of them by trying to break up with you

hi,
emmmmmm ... wonder!!

maybe he has a big problem and he was hesitating to ask you to help him ,, & when he met you , he decided to not ask !

His pride is hurt... and he sounds like a fruit cake if you ask me... Don't let him get to you and move on with your life..... he was just trying to prove his manhood which was a total fail.....

His Pride is hurt.... that's all that's wrong with him.... sooo don't let him get to you!!!
Move on with your life, and don't worry about him.

Just let the poor guy have it. He clearly has issues. The fact is, either way the relationship is over, and that's what you wanted. You both know what really happened (well, at least one of you does), and that's all that matter. Now get on with your life.

If u say so. lol.

its so even if i dont say so

Sure.

i dint really attension . i thought the storys about u.

Your right.

u r the bf then. u better start running .4 ur life

No, im not the bf. i wouldnt run even if i was. Are you trying to troll me? lol

3 More Responses

so u were trolled!

Liv if he is of such a type character. V can hav a chat at my mail. I l giv u an intro ter. U too .expectng ur rply.

Try not to think about it really. You already know hes got problems. If it comes up in a conversation around acquaintances you can explain what really happened, how bizarre it all really was, and be the bigger person by saying "if that's the way he has to lie to himself in order to move on, then so be it. I just want it to be over for my own sanity," and let it be at that. The guy probably did have someone on the other end and was either making a joke or he was trying to save face. Either that or one of his multiple personalities just got around to telling another multiple personality that the 1st personality's girlfriend just broke up with him so the 2nd personality decided it wasn't working out in a similar situation with it's own GF...still you... and that they should live as bachelors and go clubbing, get lap dances and matching WWJD tattoos. I dated a real crazy one once. Married him.

He was doing it to feel more like a man. I've experienced this a little. To make himself feel better he has to believe you are hurting and not him and probably ignored and made himself forget that he cried for you that way he don't seem like a "girl"

I agree with you my ex did that too.

You dumped him, I don't know why you tortured yourself by answering his phone message. Forget about him. I say this with all due respect to you. I had to dump my boyfriend because of a computer hacker so I know the pain your experiencing.

princessJayme

Guess he wanted to keep you in tune with him for backup - the fact remains though, that he got you interested again. even, if it added a feeling of to fathom the hideous painful attachment ! Question : Until when ? Duration?

This might be a bit insulting and you'd have a legitimate concern if you 2 were stuck around, say same school or job, fearing he'd tell everyone he dumped with pretension. But remember:
If he wanted to be friends, that was fine. If not, that was fine too, and probably easier.

He doesn't seem friendly. Shouldn't it be easier in this case?

Sounds to me like this guy had some major insecurity issues and the idea that you broke up with him was just too much handle im not sure he meant it as a direct emotional attack but more a way of him convincing himself that he still has absolute control over the situation.Being a man who has had previous issues such as these i believe that its probably best to just let him have his "bunny ears" victory.This would have been a painful experience for you but some times "sometimes" the old saying is true "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

Doesn't surprise me! Men....

yeah.....can understand.....
boys do have this ego stuff hanging with them....
i also met with some similar boy-ego situation......

Sorry about your situation. I just had almost the same thing happen but even a little worse. I was living at my boyfriend's house but I still had my own place. My boyfriend picked a fight about nothing and it kept escalating until I felt extremely uncomfortable. I told him I had to leave (his house). I told him I needed some space to get things in order in my head. I wasn't necessarily saying we should break up at that point. Over the next week he says he missed me and I should come to his house for dinner. Now mind you, I do everything for this guy, cook, clean, laundry and I work. When I get there he tells me he wants me back at the house and he forgives me for going home. So I am there about two days and he starts acting weird, quiet, won't talk. In my head, I am thinking this is bad but he won't talk. Two days later he kicks me out of the house. He says he's too scared I will hurt him. Is this the same scenario. Did he invite me back so he could be the party that did the break up?

Maybe he just loves you too much he was scared.

Ya, that so sucks!! He probably just had the male ego thing going on, is my guess. But you'd know better than me. I'm sorry, that really sucks.

Hahah, (not laughing at you) this guy didn't forget, he just refused to let you dump his ***.

Dont take this the wrong way but i literally loled when i read what he did omg what a douche

True I also believ that he had people on his end,lol!

Thank you for sharing your experience .....

I really found the story funny, because I have been in the same sitsuation. His ego was bruised badly lol....

He sounds like a bit of a dooshbag!!! But then again, he's a bloke, just like me!!!

I recently broke up with a girl who I had been going out with for two years because I wasn't happy. I felt free and single for a while and it was great so maybe it was the right thing to do because before I made that step I wasn't entirely happy.

But now a bit of time has gone by I feel quite alone and am starting to wonder wether I made the right choice or not. Should I go back or should I move on? Not really sure yet so have told her how I feel but have made it clear that there were things I wasn't happy about and if nothing changes then I won't be able to step back into the relationship.

Why am I asking these questions though? Surely you should stick to your decisions but then again there isn't a right or wrong answer. I think women have a lot more clarity over these kinds of situations. I think it is in a mans nature to not be sure and to question things before they can obtain that clarity. If it is the mans decision to end a relationship, he will usually regret it for some reason shortly after. But if the decision came from the woman then I think it is natural for the man to become frustrated.

I wouldn't let it bother you, he is clearly being a **** and isn't willing to accept that he wasn't giving you what you wanted. You've been true to yourself and done something that you felt was right for you. Don't let his stupid behaviour allow you to question that and throw your toys around cos you'll break them and then you'll feel stupid. Let him be a dickhead, you should just ignore him and move on.

I think he just wants to be able to tell people that HE broke up with you.

I don't know what to say to that????

4ne breakup is da worst....bt hei its hs loss

i think phone break ups are the worst... but i think more that he just wanted to fell like he had ended it. other side of the coin is he found someone else and was trying to close your chapter of his life... i know it sounds messed up but a lot of guys do try to break up with someone that broke up with him. Plus i see this all the time at the collages that i work with.

His loss :)

Sorry to say this but good for him!
Next time you decided to break up with someone have the balls to meet him face to face.

That's ****** up
But it's also very smart. You shouldn't have picked up the phone or thrown it. Next time his number appears on caller ID, ignore, ignore, ignore or try and sound like you're having sex or at a party.

Me & my ex-girlfriend dated for 3 years. In the beginning I thought we had no secrets,I told her that the buck stop here & minor stuffs did not bother us. To my big surprises, we had miscommunication problems and she became resilient when I always felt like we understood each other. I can relate to this story and the frustration.

Did your relationship get physical at any moment? i mean did you have sex? just curious.

Since you accepted the call and responded it means you hadn't dumped him, now the ball was in his court and he used the opportunity and dumped you. So there is no heck just smart play.

I don't know his side of the story and really don't care since EP is about you sharing your personal experiences...However I do feel like he wanted you to experience more of the hurt he felt from the initial breakup...and he successfully did that when in anger you threw the phone. It's kind of like "Who got the last laugh" I hope you didn't attempt to call him back afterwards & he didn't respond...Because if you did he is probably still celebrating what he may see as a Victorious moment in his life. Life is about having experiences you can learn from and sometimes share....So thanks for sharing.

He thought you were another girl. Someone he was cheating on you with. Men are like that.

....and I'm sorry! But that's just how they are.

**** off them

you can blame only people in general ,,not men.....in private talk, i opine that women are best tactical cheaters than men.******* *****.. let them to hunt on their ******* happiness.

of course, he deserves one better than u. i have about same experience from a lady whom i believed and loved most. As you said, most Girls want always gifts and surprises where as they choose only better..if the man stops it a while, they search for new and be bothered... you did same.. u dint ask him what was his problem. he may have faced a sudden financial or business problems which you get bored to hear of. . u-like-ladies are devil and selfish.. it is your problem dear.. be retrospective..pls.. call men for **** but not for love.. because u cannot be loyal to it as there is no love in your heart but only flush..

Actually, she never said that was why she was breaking up with him. I don't know the whole story, but she DID say he "Had some issues". I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she knew what his problem was and just didn't type it in because it's personal. Im guessing the reason why she mentioned that he was sweet and always buying her little gifts was so we could understand that not everything in the relationship was bad, and that's why she hadn't left him yet.

how can a man or lady leave their partner for another one if they truly had been in love and miss? And being bored with their choices in different tastes, they may find the perfect taste in the backward which they made fun during their continuous cheating habit.. onetime cheater is next time repeating.. what is the inner meaning of dating dear? that is just a bartering of love and pleasure only. there is not commitment in it and no trust. so that , the couple postpone their family making and love making in arrangement.. ******* is the real cause of such relationship. if it delays, they have freedom to find new. i dare to call it cheating life.

Dedication is something we all need to learn before loving blindly

I think if you threw your phone across the room in a fit of rage, he got the result he desired .

You said he has issues. Maybe there's something wrong with him and he needs help. He's not childish or weak, he's broken and he needs help to fix himself and get to a point where he can act more normal. I have trouble with my short term memory as well as handling my emotions because of my mental illness. Don't hate one him, he didn't do anything to hurt you so get over it. Maybe you're the one with the problem for posting a poorly written article designed to make a sick person that you hurt look "crazy."

Hah! It's not even worth it! I had a similar thing happen. I had this guy friend I had been avoiding because he was getting to clingy. He emails me one day to break up with me! I wasn't even aware we were dating! These guys are delusional. LOL.

Saving face, trauma, denial, childish? Yes probably a bit of all those and definitely emotionally manipulative.

Bottom line, you were done with it already, continue to be done with it and move on.

Peace and good luck,
E.

isn't this called like trauma loss or somethin... where it is so traumatic and the person can't understand it, then it just erases from their memory because they're too weak to deal.. don't let him get you all confused, just cause he is.

Well there is nothing you can do except think that he was not mature enough for the relationship anyway. Cause just from your point of view you had already made it clear that you were breaking up with him. And still he goes ahead and calls up to repeat is just immature and childish. Of course we have no clue about his side of the story but that is irrelevant to his actions. Good Riddance i'd say

Your experience reminds me of a scene in The Rocker where Rainn Wilson tries to out-breakup his girlfriend.
The guy is acting out like a child. Penelope33 has a point; you are being too nice. People usually aren't. So good riddance with him. And good luck.

Laugh it off and move on! You know what happened, that's all that matters

Similar thing happened to me ---- in 6th grade. But he broke up with me, after I broke up with him with a few of his friends so he'd be the cool guy.

This would have had my head spinning for a long, long time. I honestly would have been trying to figure out what was wrong with me, and if my judgment had been that bad. That's me, all over, thinking some crazy behavior on someone's part is my fault. Sorry, I have no idea what was going on with him. If it were me, I would say, OK, that happened. What kind of boundaries can I set so I can be serene? What can I learn from this? and probably talk to my best friend, or see a psychologist to get some perspective. Where is your own power in this? You don' owe this guy friendship. My guess is you are a person who is "too nice." Lots of luck. Remember, you are an important person in this world and deserve love.

Well my question to every one is why do v even love some when we can not keep that relation with someone forever. It's easy to dump a person all of the sudden but have u thought what that person will go through if that person really loves u. Do v even think of talking to that person before dumping. People trust me it's not easy for ur partner to take it that he/she was dumped by the person whom they loved the most.
Try and check with that person if he tried to end his life or did something crazy to vent out his anger on life

Maybe couldn't handle being turned away. Needed to feel closure by feeling he inflicted the same emotional hurt on you, ended it on his terms.

Hilarious well he has sort term memory loss

my opinion is that between both of you there may not be the right mature emotions on both sides. I would seriously look at what transpired to ask yourself why am I reacting with anger (is it because he is "one up on you"), do I want to seek another relationship and leave this behind me?, do I want this to start consuming me?.

Do not start compiling bad, negative baggage in your life. love yourself with the positive thinking that around the corner he may be waiting. reflect on this past experience throughout the relationship, learn from it to bring a better understanding into your next relationship♥

OK - you made him feel bad because you told him you wanted to break up. So he probably wanted the satisfaction of breaking up with you to make you feel bad. Even though you were the one who broke up with him, he still made you feel heartbroken by saying he was dumping you. But you were already broken up, regardless of what he said, so it doesn't really matter. It's time to move on.

This is the weirdest story I have ever read... Nothin but love for you and what your going through though!

Chin up make a bridge and its better to let go and it might take time BUT THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE OCEAN, and be thankful its over cuz if the relationship lasted longer it would have hurt more

Haha.. This definitely sounds like he was saving face in front of friends by pretending to be the dumper, not dumpee. Or he was high the first time you broke up.

I'll be honest with you I think it was him trying to save face in front of his boys. Im a very confident guy when it comes to things like this but if I lost a girl who looks like you I probably do the same.

I had been dating a guy for about 3 months. We had known each other previously from professional theater and he had just moved to my town. We saw each other at least twice a week and talked on the phone every night. We would have seen each other more but our schedules did not always permit it. He had mentioned sex once or twice, but I told him that we should wait a bit as 1-3 months was simply not enough time for me. He agreed. (or seemed to)

One evening, close to the 3 month mark, we went and saw a movie with my brother. I thought everything was normal. There were no indications of him being upset with me or anything. I accidentally left my sunglasses in his car. That was the last time I saw or heard from him. He drove me home that night, kissed me good night, and never answered another phone call, deleted me as his facebook friend, and it was as if we never knew each other. To this day, even though I moved on and ended up marrying a wonderful man, it still drives me nuts that someone would just stop talking to you like that, completely out of the blue. Worse yet, he never gave me back my nice and probably too expensive sunglasses. I was definitely more upset about the sunglasses.

I don't think u break up u just give each ather a break to that get a new boyfrnd. He will be jealus

Lol best breakup ever. I would have been so pissed too.

I love you now

He lived in a fantasy world for that week and convinced himself you didn't mean it then the defense mechanism kicked in and he decided you had to go.
"Breaking up is hard to do" Neil Sedaka.

Susan: "I'm sorry, Bob, but we're going to have to let you go. SOX compliance has been difficult for all of us, but Steve's been all over me about your late and incomplete reports. You've got an hour to clear out your stuff. I've already notified IT about your accounts and security clearance, so Sheila will check you out at the front desk."

Bob: "I'm sorry Susan, I wish there was something I could do. You'll have my letter of resignation in the morning. It was a pleasure working with you, but sometime's a man's just got to move on."

Susan: "???"

Lets be honest he was being an ***. Bad behavior is bad behavior. We should not excuse it. And if it was a woman I would say the same thing.

WOW, I just realized this question was asked 6 years ago...

Yes John in Miami it was thank you for posting this. I will pay more attention to the dates. I received an email with the beginning of the story. I feel silly for responding now.

Consider stepping back, who broke up with who is unimportant, what is important is that you care about him as a human, but you're not meant to be lifelong partners. A few things to weigh as you settle into being single... examine how your ego is building emotional protection, understand that he too is having a protective ego reaction. Look for reasons why you were drawn to him from a standpoint of what it was <br />
that you didn't like about him... usually, what we don't like in somebody else is a mirror of ourselves.You will be in many relationships, with many people, and on many levels, each will reflects things in us that create tension, anger and annoyance, see these moments as an opportunities to learn about yourself, to expand consciously. :)

Hmm. I dated this guy from my college. We were only together about a month and a half-it was his first real relationship. Being the horrible chicken I was, I dumped him by message, not face to face. We went our own ways, dated other people. We were both single and started talking again, and started dating. Eventually we got engaged. Things weren't easy, but I thought we would make it. He said he would always be there and that i could trust him to never leave... And then i got home from work one day and he was gone.... Talk about getting the last hit in.

wow, if that guy had planned that from the start.... i dunno that\'s just beyond my level of payback

I recalled going through this twice with online dating. You find all kinds of everything online and all I did was respectfully end it. I sat the exes down to have a discussion on our irreconcilable differences. At least I was trying to make us arrive at a mutual decision. But with men it is always a power struggle. In their point of view they 'felt' they were being dumped. Both instances, the men tried to seize control of the situation. They pretended that they were still into me and told me we were going to be alright, then as soon as I believe the b.s, they pulled the carpet from under my feet, like 234mph!

Soon after the plea to stay together, they get distant, stop calling, put off seeing me, so me being clueless I would naturally text endlessly and leave voice messages to find out if anything awful happened to them. After I had sent enough texts and voice mails to massage their ego, they broke up with me by text!

The male ego will not let you have the last say.......

Ego, is simply a construction of personality, and both genders are equally skilled at creating powerful ego protections that are drafted from fear and emotional pain.

Well, there you go. My husband did almost the same thing. In a nutshell: I discovered his alcoholism and told him if he didn't address it I would have to leave. He didn't address it. I told him I was leaving. A few days later, he told me he had decided that I needed to leave because he didn't love me anymore.

Exactly! ;-)

Like u said he gt issues..and mayb ur rght a sence of pride to salvage infront of his buddies dnt concern urself with who dumped who its over thats wat u wanted and unlikely ull stay friends thats an added bonus so move on..

Hi! Thank you for sharing this " bitter- sweet" experience with me 😃 I think his ego wouldn't let him get away, with the fact that YOU have broken up with him, so he just acted as if nothing happened, and let YOU have it ! It probably feels good for him, now that he is convinsed that HE actually left YOU, and he felt that HE was the one that actually got the " last punch" in, and that he was therefore the " winner" and you the " loser" 😃 Quite an interesting one, indeed !! Keep well, kind regards, Hennie

My ex emailed me this story, no doubt to shatter my mirrored attitude. Hey even tho she was the girl... she walked out thru pressure of events after 7 months...
6 months later a rekindle thru email leads down a path of my support , hoping to re-establish a work in progress (a book ). The oddest thing was a complete absence of intelligent feedback , so i mounted a campaign of psychology that frustrated the heck out of her , even tho our mission was clear ... simply write a critical reply , as a response of how and why u feel 'this ' about what i say. As beautiful a person she is the general reaction was going nowhere... it was so frustrating , i threatened the friendship, pointing out distinctly the failings which un-nerved me.

The whole process collapsed ... and reading this inspires me to continue the book without her ... whilst there is nothing more than yourself to laugh at , i'm sure each soul sees their life in a hilariously different mode from ANY partner , purpose is not often shared ... We all have our own walled garden...
So i leave you my thoughts to the new beginnings that are made possible :

Of course u prefer intelligent reply , not hardcore bitchin ... I truly sympathize, except for those branches in your tree, that refused new wind ... no matter how agreed with ... Do you know what i mean ? Some peeps refuse to change their ways anew, resist all change no matter how good it seems ... Tis a natural thing , and we so much believe ?

Nature waits for those who sing New Ways to change its thing. Then it moves aside, and so it must be within ... When 2 strong arrive at a same place , whose song will Nature hear ? The one with which the other does agree, not keep insilence imprisoned within. So take advice those listeners that now hear, and always seek to mend toward a better thing loudly with an open heart, not sulk your hardships closed within...

That is just bizarre...

Funny but who dumped who is good to boast? Ahh I still felt the pain of break up. Dumped by a heartless person WTH