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Breakup? What Breakup?!?

Here's my own story about a ridiculous breakup. I don't know that it's the worst EVER, but it's certainly infuriating.

I had been dating this guy for about a year. He had some serious issues, but he was really sweet and considerate, always surprising me with little presents, etc. So I kept hoping that there was a future to the relationship. But at some point I finally realised that it needed to end.

I worked up the courage to call him (we were living about an hour away from each other at the time, so we weren't seeing each other too frequently) and told him it was over. We could still be friends, we could still hang out, but our relationship issues were just too much to be overcome. He cried. I cried. We were on the phone for awhile before I finally called it quits.

I was going to let him make the next move, since he was the injured party. If he wanted to be friends, that was fine. If not, that was fine too, and probably easier.

About a week went by and I hadn't heard from him. Then I got home and apparently he'd been calling all day trying to reach me. I thought something might be wrong, so I called him back.

He was acting evasive, trying to make small talk, etc. I was trying to figure out why he was calling me all day if he didn't have anything to say. Then all of a sudden he comes out with it: "I think we should break up. It's not you, it's me. Blah blah blah." After saying this, he immediately shifted to, "There's people at the door, so I have to go. Bye." Click.

I was absolutely stunned. I don't think I said anything. My mouth was hanging open. I threw the wireless phone across the room in my fury. What the heck?

Did he legitimately forget that I had broken up with him? Did he suppress the memory of that hour long tear filled conversation? I don't think it's possible that he misunderstood what I was saying in any way. Maybe he had people on his end that he wanted to convince that he didn't get dumped, that he had dumped me? I still can't make sense of it. What the heck?!?

journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 670 Responses Oct 18, 2007

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I think you're spot on about wanting to convince his friends that he was the one doing the dumping. It sounds like he really cared about you a lot. He probably put a lot into the relationship and felt like he'd failed when it ended. Not wanting to look like a failure for his friends, he says, "Ok, I'm doing it now." and calls you. The time when he didn't talk to you at all was probably his grieving time, if he had blocked out the memory of you breaking up, wouldn't he have acted as if nothing had happened? Instead of breaking off all contact with you and then randomly calling a week later to "break up" again? I think he had someone to convince.

Really sorry about it. It's never a happy moment you lose a love, from either end. I'm in the midst of it myself with a divorce. Hang in there, all things come to an end.

pride, yo!

It sounds like he isn't dealing with it AT ALL and is making one last shot at self preservation. I know from experience, sometimes when you break up with someone, they can get irrational and act out of pain of rejection or heartbreak and I can understand that. It's one of the saddest things most of us have to go through at some point. But it passes. I wouldn't invest too much thinking into it, just know you definitely did the right thing and move on xo

Well atleast you aren't my ex who needed to cuddle a little after the break up (we had a bad fight or whatever) then he says, you think exes do this? wE AREN'T TOGETHER!

You know the actual truth,therefore let him think it was his moment and you go forward.

That is the major thing with breakup

This is just silly. Seems immature. Who cares who broke it up? Respect the hopefully respectable and respectful person you mutually entered a relationship with

he probably saw that Seinfeld episode where George did the same thing “it’s not you it’s me” thing, and thought, what the heck. LOL

He wanted leverage so he pretended to be the one doing the break up ;)

My ex gf did that to me it made me so pissed cus I blatantly and obviously broke it up

that wasnt the worst break up...that may just be a double break up......hahah!!!..but seriously, I think he's trying to hurt you the way you have hurt him. and I really think he just wants you to think about him.

Haha, that's absolutely not the worst break up at all. In fact that sounds like a pretty smooth break up without anything really bad happening at all. Its really really strange but not bad.

Obviously the guy didn't want to break up... so when you broke up with him, he was giving it a week, hoping and thinking you would come back. When you didn't he said well I need closure and need help getting over this. So he called you to break up, but its really because like someone said below, his ego was bruised... I think he is also still kind of trying to get you back. The only reason he called was literally to try to make it seem like he was over you and didn't want you. he was hoping that if he did that, then you would want him back... Want you can't have type of thing...

That dude is strange, even my most recent breakup, a few weeks ago, which wasn't that bad had more theatrics than this one... this one is just kind of strange and funny. I'm sure its not funny to you and I'm sure you hurt.. it hurts to break up with someone, it hurts to hurt someone and to realize you are once again at square one and have to build up a relationship to the comfort stage you were already at with another person.. so I understand, but good luck with it all!

Poor guy, you bruised his ego and the best way to heal it was a little jerkyness. He deserved a little payback and at the end of the day You got what you wanted in the first place, a break up :)

His pride was crushed because he had been dumped, he cried about it to you and he wanted his friends to think he broke up with you. Don't feel bad for dumping him, its not your fault he is insecure and prideful. Sorry tht you had a similar experience @prakashprabodh we all pity you.

He gave you the feeling you gave to him. Pity you, writing this on a website, searching for solace. Happy he dumped you

My only guess is because he wanted to be the one to do the break up because he thinks its only the man's job to do the break up to be more of a man.

Oh my... too funny!

He has many issues so he is trying to resolve one of them by trying to break up with you

emmmmmm ... wonder!!

maybe he has a big problem and he was hesitating to ask you to help him ,, & when he met you , he decided to not ask !

His pride is hurt... and he sounds like a fruit cake if you ask me... Don't let him get to you and move on with your life..... he was just trying to prove his manhood which was a total fail.....

His Pride is hurt.... that's all that's wrong with him.... sooo don't let him get to you!!!
Move on with your life, and don't worry about him.

Just let the poor guy have it. He clearly has issues. The fact is, either way the relationship is over, and that's what you wanted. You both know what really happened (well, at least one of you does), and that's all that matter. Now get on with your life.

If u say so. lol.

its so even if i dont say so


i dint really attension . i thought the storys about u.

Your right.

u r the bf then. u better start running .4 ur life

No, im not the bf. i wouldnt run even if i was. Are you trying to troll me? lol

3 More Responses

so u were trolled!

Liv if he is of such a type character. V can hav a chat at my mail. I l giv u an intro ter. U too .expectng ur rply.

Try not to think about it really. You already know hes got problems. If it comes up in a conversation around acquaintances you can explain what really happened, how bizarre it all really was, and be the bigger person by saying "if that's the way he has to lie to himself in order to move on, then so be it. I just want it to be over for my own sanity," and let it be at that. The guy probably did have someone on the other end and was either making a joke or he was trying to save face. Either that or one of his multiple personalities just got around to telling another multiple personality that the 1st personality's girlfriend just broke up with him so the 2nd personality decided it wasn't working out in a similar situation with it's own GF...still you... and that they should live as bachelors and go clubbing, get lap dances and matching WWJD tattoos. I dated a real crazy one once. Married him.

He was doing it to feel more like a man. I've experienced this a little. To make himself feel better he has to believe you are hurting and not him and probably ignored and made himself forget that he cried for you that way he don't seem like a "girl"

I agree with you my ex did that too.

You dumped him, I don't know why you tortured yourself by answering his phone message. Forget about him. I say this with all due respect to you. I had to dump my boyfriend because of a computer hacker so I know the pain your experiencing.


Guess he wanted to keep you in tune with him for backup - the fact remains though, that he got you interested again. even, if it added a feeling of to fathom the hideous painful attachment ! Question : Until when ? Duration?

This might be a bit insulting and you'd have a legitimate concern if you 2 were stuck around, say same school or job, fearing he'd tell everyone he dumped with pretension. But remember:
If he wanted to be friends, that was fine. If not, that was fine too, and probably easier.

He doesn't seem friendly. Shouldn't it be easier in this case?

Sounds to me like this guy had some major insecurity issues and the idea that you broke up with him was just too much handle im not sure he meant it as a direct emotional attack but more a way of him convincing himself that he still has absolute control over the situation.Being a man who has had previous issues such as these i believe that its probably best to just let him have his "bunny ears" victory.This would have been a painful experience for you but some times "sometimes" the old saying is true "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"