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Breakup? What Breakup?!?

Here's my own story about a ridiculous breakup. I don't know that it's the worst EVER, but it's certainly infuriating.

I had been dating this guy for about a year. He had some serious issues, but he was really sweet and considerate, always surprising me with little presents, etc. So I kept hoping that there was a future to the relationship. But at some point I finally realised that it needed to end.

I worked up the courage to call him (we were living about an hour away from each other at the time, so we weren't seeing each other too frequently) and told him it was over. We could still be friends, we could still hang out, but our relationship issues were just too much to be overcome. He cried. I cried. We were on the phone for awhile before I finally called it quits.

I was going to let him make the next move, since he was the injured party. If he wanted to be friends, that was fine. If not, that was fine too, and probably easier.

About a week went by and I hadn't heard from him. Then I got home and apparently he'd been calling all day trying to reach me. I thought something might be wrong, so I called him back.

He was acting evasive, trying to make small talk, etc. I was trying to figure out why he was calling me all day if he didn't have anything to say. Then all of a sudden he comes out with it: "I think we should break up. It's not you, it's me. Blah blah blah." After saying this, he immediately shifted to, "There's people at the door, so I have to go. Bye." Click.

I was absolutely stunned. I don't think I said anything. My mouth was hanging open. I threw the wireless phone across the room in my fury. What the heck?

Did he legitimately forget that I had broken up with him? Did he suppress the memory of that hour long tear filled conversation? I don't think it's possible that he misunderstood what I was saying in any way. Maybe he had people on his end that he wanted to convince that he didn't get dumped, that he had dumped me? I still can't make sense of it. What the heck?!?

journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter 26-30, F 671 Responses Oct 18, 2007

Your Response


Grief from a loss can make people act in crazy ways from the pain. The injury is not always just ego, it could be perceived as the loss of the love of your life, (worse, that the person does not share the idea that they are the love of your life). People don't even act like themselves. I see nothing surprising at what he did. One possibility is that he was in denial that it could possibly be over, and that that was beyond his control. Then he realized that he wanted it to be over. Since that is in his control and is a small comfort in a terrible time, that is the perception he chose. People don't act rational during breakups. Its dealing with the death of something.

It explains a lot. This guy is so broken up and it affected his self 3esteem. What he has done is a defence mechanism to keep his self esteem up. If someone dumped him, that is something negative of him, so he suppressed that fact. But since he is no longer in relationship with you, he have to break up, by himself.<br />
<br />
If you got what you want done, then everything is fine.

why does every one think that men are always trying to prove that they are right?.... there are times when men really assess a situation from their gut feeling rather than what every other sees, which normally turns out to be true. All men are nt the same. My girl friend dumped me for a man of 55 years who she had known only for three days.... Our relationship was eight years old..... She never told me that she was into other relationship. But it was me who found out all odd messages from this old man...... I tried to speak to this guy and win her back. But she completely was into this guy. DO YOU ALL STILL THINK THAT MEN ARE THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS CHEATING AROUND?....... Moreover, she blamed me that I was the onewho pushed her to go into a relation ship. Why?.... Because I am in the navy and I was not always available. Great answer from the females who are always considered to be the faithful one.

hi julio,<br />
i read ur story.........<br />
sounds that u must have been hurt aftr hearing that mr serious issues. i feel that wen u told him u want an end to ur relation, he must have felt bad too. and when he was not able to overcum that, he made his mind to hit u back wid ur own mark. may be he wanted to make u feel that how it does suck wen u make these words to someone who is in relation wid u since a yr. <br />
and anyways its fine that u r away frm him now.....<br />
getting presents is not a big deal to make. may be the next one who falls in luv wid u will be the best gift for u ever. <br />
all the very best to u for the best nd the biggest surprise gift waiting for u....<br />
<br />
wid love<br />

What just happened?

with all the asumptions and theorys and brainstorming....<br />
the truth is you may never know...<br />
relationships of today seem false to me...<br />
devorces are so common and not really taken seriously now is my opinion .<br />
trust is an issue but hey....

My first boyfriend and I were going out for about six months. He was sweet, seemingly very into me, and, we hit it off right away. Anyway, he was growing all...strange, just after my birthday. I rang him one saturday after a week of silence. He picked up the phone, I was really glad to hear his voice....until he said 'I have other friends, I don't need to hang out with you anymore'. That was his breakup. So, we were reduced to just friends, huh, and hanging out? So I was crying, and ring a few schoolfriends for support. <br />
<br />
Bet you can guess what comes next?<br />
<br />
Single, he told me. Single my ***. Not only did he already have another girlfriend--he had two. Turns out one of my mates had known all along. :(

Let me get this straight. Yoou called and broke up with him,you waited every day for him to call and when he did you were worried something was wrong and called him. You found out after the breakup he got engaged and who he got engaged to. Then you googled his name to find out he moved. OK my question why are you so obsessed with someone you supposedly wanted to break up with. I have broken up with people before and I didn't follow their every move afterwards.

he was trying to ease his conscious over hurting you.<br />
<br />
that guy sucks!

the "egoist".....had to have the last word.<br />
BTW .. i have been dumped several times since i was 16 years (I'm 35 now) and i would like to ask what do you women mean when you say the reason we ware breaking up is "you're too good for me" & "I'm sure you will find someone better than me" or /and "i just want you to be happy"<br />
i have definitely under stood what s going on when this was dished out to me but but please all my nice ladies out there pls give me your version of the truth

Omg.. this may not be the worst break up but surely the weirdest. I hope you're not sad anymore - I think it's a good thing you got this weird guy who's in the deepest denial i#ve ever heard out of your life.

it's always very embarrassing when a man is dumped by a take is,he knew it was over but still wanted to proof that he was still a man ' this is where we men get it all wrong,in these times we are never superior,we are all equal and should be willing to accept defeat when it comes our way.

being dumped is no less embarrassing for a woman either. i know from experience.

Doesn't really matter who broke up with who, all that matters is that you wanted out of that relationship and you got out. What he did is indeed very strange, but at the end of the day you know the truth and so do those close to you, what he does to validate himself is no longer your concern and just thank your lucky stars that you got out of that relationship when you did because he is obviously insecure and immature.

The poor guy. Sound like he went into denial and the hurt was so bad he blocked out the scene where you broke up with him and then called and broke up with you to help himself cope with the hurt. Guys are funny creatures, we are.<br />
<br />
But, I hope your doing ok.........

He definitely wanted to be the "dumper" and not the "dumpee", and his issues ran deep enough to make him think this would change the fact that you dumped him already.

hi i know it does hurt you even if you tried not to show off <br />
well you do know well that you were the first to end the story and to throw him off your life and then concerning his reaction i guess that the fact that he is hurt pushed him to behave that way if it is not that he won't even call you then he will find it as a golden occasion if he has been fed up as he wanted to show <br />
really this story has moved me a lot though it is rediculous to a some degree but i have a feeling that both of you still love each other concerning his new attachement i think that it only a reaction to the act of leaving him

life is too short just laughed at him and enjoy the life.

WOW that guy seriously had an issue. but i would still talk to him about it to see what he comes up with.

Hi there :) ...well first of all I would like to say thank you for sharing hehe... In my opinion this is, "HUMAN, ALL TOO HUMAN!" ...And as for the above comments, if I may, (e.g.) He probably just wanted to get the last word and hurt you back., Also, it is insecure for someone to be engaged after 3 months. How long do you think that is going to last?, one of the wisest people i ever met said to me its the end result that matters, etc., ..."HUMAN, TOO HUMAN!"

this is just crazy! lol ive heard cases like these before. and im not sure if to break up with my bfhe kinda has some issues as well.

wow either this guy is really delirious or he was infact trying to show his control infront of his friends still trying to be "The Man" wow why are some guys just so inmature?

Wow, stunning.

one thing that struck my mind is: i think this lady stil loves that guy. sorry i dont mean to hurt you but its absurd for you to check back at someone you cut of from, especially if you are the architect of the breakup. As of the guy ithink he is trying to safe his face from humilliation, i.e from himself or from others.

thaaaat sucks,,, some people just need to end it on their own terms i guess.

For his own vision of manhood, he probably felt like he needed to by the one to end things. Good luck with your next relationship.

You say that you needed to break off the relationship, and in the end that is what happened; so I wonder why it matters who felt "dumped"?

Ummm... can you say immature, insecure male?!? It sounds like you made the right move by cutting it off when you did (even though he'd like to 'pretend' that he did). It sounds like you're MUCH better off and I wish you the best of luck!!!!

Hi.<br />
Thank you for putting this up and to all the commentary.<br />
It has been a very interesting read.<br />
I have only read the first two pages of the comments and I agree with the lot, <br />
<br />
However <br />
xerxes211 on Jul 24th, 2008 at 6:10<br />
and<br />
PMkeepingwarm on Aug 29th, 2008 at 2:44AM.<br />
<br />
said it for me the best.

Some people really had a problem confronting reality! alot of people i know thier BFs did the same maybe a lil differently..... as sayin why dont u give us another try then the next mornin' they just say its not workin' .... i think all kinds of males have a problem accepting they can be dumped !!