Breakup? What Breakup?!?

Here's my own story about a ridiculous breakup. I don't know that it's the worst EVER, but it's certainly infuriating.

I had been dating this guy for about a year. He had some serious issues, but he was really sweet and considerate, always surprising me with little presents, etc. So I kept hoping that there was a future to the relationship. But at some point I finally realised that it needed to end.

I worked up the courage to call him (we were living about an hour away from each other at the time, so we weren't seeing each other too frequently) and told him it was over. We could still be friends, we could still hang out, but our relationship issues were just too much to be overcome. He cried. I cried. We were on the phone for awhile before I finally called it quits.

I was going to let him make the next move, since he was the injured party. If he wanted to be friends, that was fine. If not, that was fine too, and probably easier.

About a week went by and I hadn't heard from him. Then I got home and apparently he'd been calling all day trying to reach me. I thought something might be wrong, so I called him back.

He was acting evasive, trying to make small talk, etc. I was trying to figure out why he was calling me all day if he didn't have anything to say. Then all of a sudden he comes out with it: "I think we should break up. It's not you, it's me. Blah blah blah." After saying this, he immediately shifted to, "There's people at the door, so I have to go. Bye." Click.

I was absolutely stunned. I don't think I said anything. My mouth was hanging open. I threw the wireless phone across the room in my fury. What the heck?

Did he legitimately forget that I had broken up with him? Did he suppress the memory of that hour long tear filled conversation? I don't think it's possible that he misunderstood what I was saying in any way. Maybe he had people on his end that he wanted to convince that he didn't get dumped, that he had dumped me? I still can't make sense of it. What the heck?!?

journeyfulloflaughter journeyfulloflaughter
26-30, F
664 Responses Oct 18, 2007

woow that is ridiculous. he obviously didn't forget, he probably just wanted it to seem like he broke up with you instead of the other way around.

yeahh i know how that feels i broke up with him cuz he was cheeating and i walked upo to him with my friends and they wtzched me do it and a week latter he told everyone he broke up with me?? im like uhmm chirss nnoo and my girls had my back and he switched schools beouse eveyone thought he was a complete liar

it seems that when it comes to breaking up, if it's not the guy's idea, he doesn't like it. but it's perfectly ok for them to break up with you. must be an ego thing.

Seems as though he didn't enough balls to admit (even if it was just to himself) that YOU, in fact, was the one who ended it. It made a good story to tell though. Nicely done. :]

I think that the chick he got engaged to after 3 months had been there when you were dating him and she found out about you. She probably made him call you in front of her to satisfy her that he had ended it with you. Even though you had already kicked him to the curb, he probably played it off like you 2 were still at it just to make old girl jello!!! Screw his insecure butt!!! You can do better, you can also laugh at the fact that he is such a f***** sissy-boy!!!

that is absolutely ridiculous something almost identical happen to me/

hahah funny as. not in a ha ha kinda way though..

I have a tie on the worst ways: by his best friend (who was his new gf, the one he was leaving me for) and by IM. Those both really suck.

At least he didn't S.M.S you!!

Are men stupid on purpose or are they just plain stupid?

Ha ha, yeah that is kinda funny, but a little weird.

That's hilarious. Well he got you back for breaking up with him. That's one imaginative dude.<br />
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Sometimes revenge comes in unexpected ways.

try by TEXT MESSAGE. <br />
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that's called COWARD

I think it was one of two things. He was either saving face in front of friends or it was a ploy to get you back.<BR><BR>It is human nature to want what we can't have and there is, supposedly, a fool-proof method to get your ex back based on this fact. He was trying to make you feel like YOU had been dumped and YOU couldn't have him. You inevitably will start to give it some thought ... why would he want to dump me? ... whats wrong with me? ... is he seeing someone else? The theory is that these little thoughts and doubts turn into obsessional thoughts until you feel hurt and are convinced you want your ex back. I read it on the internet myself. I know it isn't quite the same as what happened between you and your ex but it sounds similar - the vagueness, the suddenly hanging up of the phone without actually having said anything. Its meant to cause a reaction within you. And bearing in mind you googled him recently means that a seed was planted somewhere in you mind. <BR><BR>Getting engaged 3 months later is a sign that he may also be on the rebound. Whatever, you have both moved on so its best that you continue to do so. <BR><BR>I have a similar story to yours only this "fool-proof" method was used and subsequently worked on me. I am now the injured party If it was a ploy to get you back be grateful you didn't fall for it.

Type your comment here...

looks like he beat ya!

Maybe he was just trying to save his face at that time...Anyway, forgive him. Surely you will be able to meet someone who deserves YOU.

I'd say kick him to the curb but, you already did don't waste your pretty on it (as they say)

Maby he was trying to save face, or is in total denial.<br />
But why did it upset you?<br />
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It's not like it's a dumping compitition... anybody care to clairify?

Ha ha This happened to my sister years ago....... we always thought it was funny.<br />
We think the guy was so stubborn that he was not listening........ Not in the reality of things,,, but was good for a good laugh.... the funny thing about my sisters story is that she was not dating the guy,,, he was our mechanic and had a super big crush on her,,, sending her little gifts... she told him to stop calling her and that she was not interested,, and a few days later he called to break up with

Oh and wanted his little gifts

hahaha im sorry but thats funny and sad at the same time. At least he doesn't bother you any more right? Anyways he sounds like a creeper too.haha

funny, ha ha? Nope. funny, stupid? Yeah.<br />
immature, moron, bizarre? I think so.<br />
You say "I was going to let him make the next move, since he was the injured party."<br />
Well, he did... and he said he didn't want to be just friends. Delusional? I don't think so. You left the door open, he just closed it. Why are you wasting time stressing on this guy? You knew he has problems, and thank the Lord "he" chose to walk away. You should consider yourself fortunate not to have him stalking you instead! I would have laughed it off, grateful for the easy way out...I'm on your side, move on, get a new guy, or two! lol

Gee...I just knew your punch line would be...that YOU had dialed a wrong number when YOU called to break up! Well...the guy clearly DID have issues...don't question what he did..logic cannot be applied. He was obviously "saving face" gracious and let him have the reality he created for himself...and just be glad you ESCAPED..that it IS over!

I have had a simimiar story. Mine is a little different but confusing and everyone said he was crazy, starving for attention and lame. Same for your situation. Me and the guy never hitted it off, and I am glad that I did not. Just be glad that is it over.

This guy was immature for sure, but so were you. It sounds to me like you sprung this breakup on him. Despite what many of the shallow individuals on this page may tell you, the mature thing to do would've been to discuss the problems you had before reaching the decision to break up. i.e. these things need to be fixed or else the relationship just can't last. or things just don't feel the same any more, I think we need to try something new. then if that process doesn't work out, you break up, and it's no surprise to anyone. The idea to break up doesn't just hit YOU spontaneously, and it's not fair to him to lay it on HIM like that.<br />
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But as I said, this guy is obviously much less mature than you are. I just had to voice my opinion to balance out this flood of 100% biased crap.

Interesting story... very clear to me what he was doing. He was deeply rejected and hurt over the breakup, so much so that he felt he couldn't be friends so this was his way of taking control over the breakup so he wouldn't be the one to feel dumped. Some men are very proud and don't handle rejection well and will go to any lengths to protect their own pride.

Interesting story... very clear to me what he was doing. He was deeply rejected and hurt over the breakup, so much so that he felt he couldn't be friends so this was his way of taking control over the breakup so he wouldn't be the one to feel dumped. Some men are very proud and don't handle rejection well and will go to any lengths to protect their own pride.

i believe, after reading your story that maybe he had some other women there (maybe the one from work) and he might have been seeing her for awhile along with you... when you called he wanted to act (although childish) like he was getting rid of you in front of her, to make her feel like he chose her over you ... just a thought from another male

Well if I've been with someone for a year I would have courage to tell him in face that we break up. <br />
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Maybe it was his way to say how inconsiderate your method of breaking up was. You feel bad when someone breaks up with you but you feel really **** when someone does it through telephone...

this is the most stupid story i've ever heard! Of course he knew you dumped him, and i don't really understand why are you surprised of what he did, it was of course iditotic from him to do that, but it is obvious why he did it, he was just feeling sympathy for himself. I don't think he's a bad guy, he's just a bit insecure probably and someone who cannot stand loosing. anyway, don't think about that too much, it's a pretty stupid and senseless situation, he just wanted to reward himself, no one in his sane mind would forget a brake up 2 weeks after, especially when it is important. If you're confused, he just wanted to get you confused. What I see about girls in this country is that they get their minds very manipulated, and whenever there's someone ready to appreciate them for who they really are, they think it's not worth it, because they are not treating them bad as they expect it. so my advice is that if someone is trying to mess with ur mind, blow him, and try to see how things go when people is actually acting in a coherent way.

Men cannot take rejection. It's just not in their makeup. They fall deaf to it. It is so typical of an insecure man to do this. Don't worry, you are not the damaged one here. He just gave you confirmation why you are no longer with him. He sure got what he wanted, a reaction from you. A lasting one since you are still thinking about him. So now that you have established that, it's over and don't even give him any more of your precious energy. Good luck.

LoveSpice:read your first 4 lines. Hopefully you can figure out the blunders... <br />
This story is not *that* atypical, yet sad: there was no "suppressed" memory. He certainly did remember. Once in denial, however, he may not have remembered (that was the point). In a strange way it is hard to blame someone for this if they cannot bear to be rejected. Many times people have other candidates in place because they want insurance against rejection. You likely beat him to the punch. If he even suspected the relationship may end, it is not unusual to develop another relationship in anticipation of this. I have friends who operate this way; they line up other women to mitigate the risk of being alone. <br />
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I also have female friends who behave the same way.<br />
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In the end this is still very sad.

What in the world were yo expecting him to do? You must not be very bright, why in the world would a guy want to go from what the two of you had to being just a friend. Come on get real. I have a girl friend who is trying to pull that and it is not flying. After almost a year she is trying to say she just wants to be friends. You women are messed up.

wow- that's ridiculous. Honestly, though, it just tells you that you initial decision was sound and this guy is def not right. I feel bad for the woman he got engaged to.

Sounds like you dodged a bullet there! Very lucky! Let him think he broke up with you. What a twit! LOL! Sounds like George Costanza from a Seinfeld episode!!!

wow i think he doesn't have a heart or any emotion but there's nothing we can be sad for . but i think my story is more sadness than yours but i don't know how i can submit it when i know i will write it and you will judge if it's sad or not and welcome my new friend bye

I would actually wonder why you were so emotionally stunned by someone you didn't care about. Why break your phone over old news. Someone's bullshitting.

Dear Journeyfulloflaughter, wait a week or two and send him the following e-mail:<br />
Dear name, I know you wanted to get back together with me, but after seeing how you cried and carried on the other day, I knew that you were not man enough to be with a real woman like myself. Also, I can no longer string you along with way I have been. I feel a little twinge of guilt, having used you to relieve my bouts with boredom. I have in fact, entered the Miss Nude World Contest. I know that when I come out, there will be a real man present who will take one look at me up on that stage, and will know exactly how to handle and worship a real woman like me. I hope you can find a lesser girl so that you can have an equal. Allow me to give you this advice. If you do meet someone, you should hide all of your many weaknesses. That way maybe she will grow fond of you before she see's the true you. This way, she may feel some pity for you and stay a little longer with you. Also you should buy one of those "How To Make Love To A Woman" Make sure you read the chapter on: How to last long enough to please a woman. One last bit of advice, I am sure you have seen those late night commercials on penis enlargement pills. You should seriously check those pills out! Because there were times when we were together, that I could not be sure if we were making love or not! If I were you, I would take this advice to heart because I do not think you would stand a chance even with a lesser girl who is you equal...........<br />
Good luck Journeyfulloflaughter

You must have felt something more than apathy for him. I missed the part of the violent phone episode. Although this may be mere frustration (at delusion), it does indeed sound like there is more to this story.

well yes he did act weirdly, bt then he must have been gt hurt. Any breakup is painful and diff ppl have diff ways to handle it.<br />
Bt pls!!! girls shud stop this act of friendship post breakup.<br />
It hurts more than it heals.<br />
move on

Why are you upset? You wanted to break up with him. If he called you back later and did that you should be relief that he was able to deal with it. I thought it should of made you happier.

All you have to do is.........nothing. You know and he knows that you ended it. Good job! You were out of his league and he knew it. Remind yourself of that when someone new comes your way!

insecure as all control freaks are.

insecure as all control freaks are.

I really loved feelings .......

I don't know why you were upset about his reaction. You broke up with him remember??? A relationship is a friendship. So you can't say sorry I don't want you um but you know we can be friends. I think he was considering this option for a long time. Obviously he didn't want to be friends. That is what he needed to do to get some closure and get his life back together. He needed to feel that he was still in control and that he was making the choice. If he had to keep thinking it was you. The person he loved so much who rejected him. He would probably kill himself

that really sucks my worst brakup was with this jerk who txted me i was so mad

Wow wow wow, what an ego, he was probably going downhill after the real breakup.<br />
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I know this is sexist but MOST men have such big egos.

Opps I made a typo I meant sexist....

that is quite interesting. very weird.

Clearly he was very hurt and felt he deserved closure for himself so he could move on. It is very difficult to pick up the pieces of ones life when the person they love dumps them. You may not understand but it feels completely unjust unfair and undeserved to the dumped. I should know. At least he got closure, I never did, and I am a mess still. We all deserve closure. A phone break up after a year might be tough for some to handle. Would be for me. That would hurt as much as being rejected. His ego is not necessarily male or necessarily large because he is male, his ego is wounded pure and simple. Your ego is wounded now too, though I suspect not as much as his, so you write this blog. People who write about how immature he is and how big his ego is fail to realize that by decrying his ego they support yours, and their own. Be happy that he moved on, its what you wanted, most of all don't worry about it. Trust yourself and believe in yourself and all that and you can never go too wrong.

That is so odd!<br />
I have had my fair share of weird break ups but this is a new one. was...hilarious! Wtf?! Lol...Sorry but it was just quite amusing ...hahahh

well, being dumped is not so bad.. sometimes its giving your partner the opportunity to break it up, because you're afraid of hurting her/him. meaning... you can endure the pain of she/he breaking up with you rather than the pain of hurting her/him. <br />
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just like what i did... hehe

he's either so emotionally stunted that he needs to change reality to make it match what he can accept mentally, or he was trying to save face in front of someone who was there.<br />

he's either so emotionally stunted that he needs to change reality to make it match what he can accept mentally, or he was trying to save face in front of someone who was there.<br />

thats crazy . i was suprised . really suprised i dont know what to say .

wow...i like the way he did it...also i feel happy to know that he doesn't think of you any more and is getting along with life leaving you brooding over him :)<br />
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well sometimes women need to know how it feels to be dumped...<br />
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if you did think you could not get along with him you shouldn't have taken this relation so that you did you are bound to pay for the consequences<br />
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anyways...good luck for your future relationships...

That's amazing. I think it was purely a psychological act; if he believed that he himself initiated and instigated the breakup, he would be the one in control.<br />
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He needs to learn how to get over a break up.

Now that's what i'd like to call 'A TRANSFER OF EMOTION ****!'

Sounds like a typical scenario to me and quite normal. Someone does the dumping, and someone is the dumpee. How we cope in either position is what we do to move on. But to answer the question, "What's the worst way to break up with someone?" - I'd have to say to just move on without telling the other one has to be the worst. <br />
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We can't expect a certain outcome on how people will react in any given situation. <br />
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But there is big difference between reacting, and responding, and that is something we do have control over in ourselves and how we deal with one anohter.

Very funny! Laugh it off.

Typical male ego if you ask me... he just wanted to be known as the dumper not the dumpee. What a tosser.

my best frends gf cheated on him w a girlfrend they both new in the end he breaks up with her and she wants him back n says hes the best bf shes had

It does seem so weird and funny as well.. Deep down he felt that he was dumped by you and that's why he came up with the phone call to make him feel better..such a stupid act..

You should just be happy he's over you. Now you have not guilt. Otherwise you are being petty.

this was easy, i had the same thing happen to me and i'm a guy, but instead of throwing the phone across the room, i just said ok so now we are in agreement, i does not matter how it goes down, just let it go, that might be something you can work on which will allow you to be free-er, so you can met a man with less issues-next time do not put up with it so long, that way you will not get the crap back, you led him on to long, cause he gave you presents you baasically lied to him but must importantly you lied to yourself, he bought you with gifts, and solded your self untill you could not live with it any more, ofcourse he was hurt, next time listen to your heart and do not sell out like a prostitute, and you might find men with more awareness instead of little trinklets you get what you put out- it is about you.

& I thought I was the only one to attract the "morons" hahaha

I think that i agree with the fact at the end of this story where she thought that he was trying to make him self feel good by thinking that if he could get back at her for breaking up with him that it would make himself feel better and try to make her angry but what i reckon she should have said to him was that your a twisted mindless f...wit and i'm glad i broke up with u u vindictive loser and then hang up on him. and also the reason why he was trying to ring her all day is because he was so desperate to do that to her and didn't want to miss the opportunity to get back her for breaking up with him "he is just a pathetic loser who can't handle a break up.

but this is easy. he was all set up to go with the new girl, but somehow he was afraid you might have changed your mind and wanted to make sure it was clear on both sides it was official. he was being sweet, and kept it simple because he was pretty much clear, but for some reason not 100%, certain you wanted the same thing. perhaps there had been an e-mail crossed in the ether, he gt some old v-m from you, maybe he just dreamed it, but he wanted to make it clear it was cut and dried. it was all about him not you. and he was being silly, but gallant.

As many other comments say, and being a guy who has done this same exact thing in the past, it is an ego thing. As guys, we don't like to be stood up/beaten by nature, and a girl breaking up with us equates out to such. So, you end up trying to suppress the anger/frustration/sadness over time and when it fails, as it usually does, we do the same exact thing your boyfriend did to attempt to validate that we were not the one to blame. It has actually worked at times, at least for me, but it is, understandably, a jerk move.

I guess the jist5 is that you were angry becuase it was you, not him who initiated the break up. I understand that we do see things in different ways, but I would have thought since the end result is the same, I would just say "Well, I said that we needed to break up and we broke up and cried...did you take you're Namenda this morning?" LOL

wow what a baby he needs to grow up. sound like what goes on in high school. im glad for you cause you can do a lot better without him

Typical Western story<br />
Dating is devastating to individuals and communities<br />
The more you date the less eager to marriage you will be.<br />
If dating is good then God will recommend it<br />
Good luck

I tend to agree with cheerupemochic. I know for a fact guys absolutely hate the line 'We can still be friends'. It is one of the worst things you can say to a man that has feelings for you. It is also a girls way of not letting a guy down nicely, but leaving doors open just in case they want to blow back into the mans life at anytime they would like. If you want to break up - completely - then break up. Don't leave a guy hanging with a thread of hope even through 'friendship'. It is one of the most manipulative things a woman can do.<br />
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Good for him. You deserved it. You hurt him. And then hurt him some more by desiring 'lets just be friends'. Gag. Puke. He isn't screwed up. He is just truly breaking up with you. Which is what you asked for... ;) It is called self confidence and knowing that you (he) deserves better than someone that will just play games.

And mkjordan - you are absolutely correct regarding how it is that westerners view dating and marriage. It is disgusting. I am tired of my own people. They no longer have ethics, morals are a sense of good character. They have become so self involved, as to lose sight of anything that has real and true meaning for an entire life time. For eternity! This story we have commented on, is exacting proof. She can't see far enough past her own nose in the air, to see how damaging her actions are to others. Typical...

Typical American woman that is. Thank God I am not one of them...

I like this story, it sounds like something I would do. Give you a taste of your own medicine and then move on! Quid pro Quo! It could have been worse; he could have had you for dinner! lol

he juss wasn`t worth yur time..

Give me a break, foreverbirdie. Typical American woman? What the heck else are we supposed to do? Be doormats like other cultures? I'm a typical American woman and I believe in marriage. But with the so many narcissist males out there preying on good-hearted women, we have to go through a few weird ones before we get to the good ones. AND, a lot of men use the same line "lets just be friends." By the way, I'd be an American woman any day over any culture who considers women second class citizens (e. g., most other cultures). So get over yourself.. <br />
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The guy in the story sounds so like my ex. It took breaking up with him 4 times before he got the clue I did not want to be with him. The first three I was nice about it, the last time, I pretty much laid it out in a very matter of fact, mean way. Laundry list of his treatment toward me. He thinks he's mister wonderful. He is a narcissist/cheater/liar but would blame me for all of it. I'm no longer his supply for ego boosting. Sometimes a woman just has to be mean to make her point.

Ha'Thats Funnyy Becausee He Just Made HIM SELF Look Really Really Stupid' Ahaa ;)

hahahaha it was really funny. LOL<br />
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but that's life. There could be someone better waiting along the road. :)

i also think that he had others on his end the he was trying to prove somethimg to i think he was with friends and he was saying things that made it seem like he was unhappy in the relationship and they gave him the advise to get out or he just wanted to make himself feel better about the whole thing!!

LMAO ,,, in my view from what i read it was never really intended to be more that a simple Boyfriend girlfriend "lets sweat hands for a while" kinda deal so when i have been dumped my beast answer and preferred anwer is always "o.k." , turn around and walk.<br />
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It gives women plenty to chatter weeks andmonths after and that is the fun part lol.<br />
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Now ... "who is sore? " LMAO

Forget that guy choose a good guy and live happily

We've just heard your side of the story. Sure his reaction was that of a insecure guy with 'accepting reality' issues. But we have no idea why he reacted in that we because we don't have his side of the story. Anyway the end result matters. Those who dump first are not the winners and those who are dumped aren't Victims. Its just a process. Those who accept first are winners and those who can't accept, will remain victims of their own misery, till they do. Good luck to him and to you. Jane Goodale realises it in the book Animal Husbandry (Movie 'Someone like you') it never helps to dwell on it, to discuss it or even to toss it out of the window;) Forgiving helps.

ITS A MALE EGO TRIP .... Don't even sweat it... He had to act dillusional in order to feel in control... what a dork

Ahahaha! Wow, SOOOO unsatisfying.... That's infuriating...but also funny. Men's egos are so unbelievable fragile, and they are in such denial about it. Sometimes you just gotta let 'em have it I guess.....

Grief from a loss can make people act in crazy ways from the pain. The injury is not always just ego, it could be perceived as the loss of the love of your life, (worse, that the person does not share the idea that they are the love of your life). People don't even act like themselves. I see nothing surprising at what he did. One possibility is that he was in denial that it could possibly be over, and that that was beyond his control. Then he realized that he wanted it to be over. Since that is in his control and is a small comfort in a terrible time, that is the perception he chose. People don't act rational during breakups. Its dealing with the death of something.