Sexually Frustrated & Deprived... On The Verge Of Having An Affair

I have a good (not exactly great, but successful) relationship with my husband, but I am so lonely to have a lover. I have been married 15 years and sexually deprived for the past 10 years. My husband is a very loving and wonderful man who adores me to no end. We cuddle each  morning and night and he is very loving vocally as well... but that's the extent of our intimacy. He has some physical challenges that cannot be fixed... that and the fact that  2-4 years after getting married our sex life started fizzling out anyway.. Our lives have been strained by health issues (both of us), finances and life's tribulations. We have been through a lot of hard times together but remained steadfast and each others best friend. Oh and we were never able to have children - another stressor..

Here the situation:

I met someone several years older than me (also married a long time and from what I gather is missing romance in his life). It started off innocently and just friendly  but I found myself attracted to him and started flirting with him on several occasions over the past 3 months (off and on). I have had to be discreet due to the fact that we are both married and I have only encountered seeing him in his office, never totally alone. The last time I saw him I think it was pretty clear what I was interested in seeing him on a more personal level, etc, so I decided I would leave the rest up to him. If he  is interested (which I am certain he is) the next step will be for him to contact me outside of work... and that will likely be the *turning point*. He did said he would call me.

What to do?:

I have really tried to have a sexual relationship with my husband. I still flirt with him and he like it but it goes nowhere. V pills don't work (make him nauseous) and he doesn't even try to please me in other ways. Its gotten to the point that even if my husband could physically get "it" working again, I have lost the desire for him. I cry a lot because I am lonely to have a lover -- but not just anyone. I wouldn't put out an ad or anything. I just thought if I have an affair with this man I have been flirting with, that I would fill a void in his life, and he in mine. I just know that anything we start is taking a big risk. However, I don't want to remain celibate an longer!

I have never been unfaithful, nor has my husband. I never thought I would even consider this. I constantly fantasize seducing this man and having sex with him. In fact, giving myself pleasure and thinking about being with him its the only sexual satisfaction I have had in years! Now I want the real thing.

I just want to hear what comments or suggestions others may have, without being judgmental.

missfitandsexy missfitandsexy
46-50, F
4 Responses Feb 7, 2010

i do agree you do need an affair just be descrete and carefull take your time and be choosey, I have had an affair and it was out of town away from people who mite know us the lady and i both traveled a little way to be carefull we both were married and we drove about 25 miles each,it is wonderfull having her,try to set ground rules first that your not leaving spouse and dont wish to break up his family good luck uncledave

Well, I have given my best efforts to get this guys attention and I am sure he is interested, but not making a move. I mean I think I have definitely set up temptation but after several months of flirting and flaunting myself (but not outrageously so) he definitely know that I am interested but he hasn't made a move other than subtle physical gestures. I doubt he wants to take the risk. <br />
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Nothing like knowing the men in your life are attracted but still nothing. I know its not me. Dang.<br />
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@ buddawannabe I have already made up my mind that I will have an affair. I don't deserve 10 years of sexual neglect. He hasn't held up his end of the marriage agreement. In many cultures and some religions, that would cause for annulment

If your serious about moving forward and haven't received any inclination on his part, give a bit of a cleavage show or allow a bit of thigh to show and if he doesn't come forward, give me a yell.. I'd be on ya like "white on rice"! Bill

hi i also am in the same situation as you are ,i havent had sex with my wife in over 2 years nothing really wrong with us she just not interested i like romance but she dosent,i have tried several times but its useless like you i have to pleasure my self uncle dave