AGAIN Please

 

I have only had sex w/ my X for over four years now. I wouldn’t even call it sex as it is mostly so he will be a nicer, more cooperative person. It actually isn’t me though as I’ve taught myself to not be there, not in mind anyways. I take my thoughts elsewhere so as not to care. Why play this game… survival! If I give a little I get back a little… a trade so to speak. It sucks though as I have had no desire to be with anyone else. All of my fun past memories are all bottled up inside wanting to get out. I’m an extremely sensual person and need to express these feelings. Because of this I believe the first person that I’m with will be like my first all over again. Someone new, something different, a chance to enjoy sex again and let all of my desires, fantasies and needs out at once. I want it to be perfect… I want that memory… I want to look back and remember each detail and smile. Every time I smell a black cherry candle I’ll remember… or when I wear those panties that you so loved, I’ll remember… the name of the hotel, the dish we ordered from room service, your cologne, all of these and more. I want every detail embedded in the files of my mind and as I come across these items in everyday life, that memory will surface and I’ll smile, remembering, my first time…

mysplitpersonality mysplitpersonality
36-40, F
1 Response Aug 1, 2007

...you know where to find me baby.... what's the hold up :P