I wanted to have four children. My husband knew this even before we got married. I came from a family with only two siblings so I want more kids. But he doesn't want to have more. We ended up with two adorable kids. I'll be more than happy to have another two but I cannot anymore. Technically, I had four pregnancies. I had a miscarriage on my first when I was only on my third week and on my fourth pregnancy, the baby died in my tummy when she was six months, three months prior to delivery. I was devastated because I know she died because she felt not wanted. I was guilty and I can never forgive my husband for her death. I named her Adabelle meaning a beautiful fairy.
4BlackForest 4BlackForest
36-40, F
2 Responses Nov 8, 2010

I loved her very much but my pregnancy with her was not filled with happiness like the previous was filled with anger, frustration and sadness. She died unhappy and up to this moment, I feel so much sadness whenever I remember her.

Guys tell u to get an abortion and if u chose to keep the baby they have to look at them everyday and think they were the child they wanted to kill

yeah I know the feeling. her demise is for the better I guess.

That is so sad and I know in some ways how you feel as I have suffered similar loses. You should not feel guilty as I'm sure you loved her very much. ((hug)).