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The Only Thing I Ever Wanted to Be Is a Mommy.

I am happily married to the most wonderful and caring man in the world.  I have a son from a previous relationship and my Husband has a daughter from a previous marriage.  We've been together 7 years, married four years.  It sounds like I should be happy, right?  I'm not.  :(

The original plan was for us to ahve a child together.  I'm one of those people who was born to be a Mother.  Ever since I was two years old, all I ever wanted to be is a Mommy.  My Husband promised me we would try for a child togehter.  That was after we'd been dating for a year.  Fast forward three more years.  I turn 30, which terrifies me, since all the women in my family have had trouble conceiving after 30.  My Husband knows this, but still no mention of a baby.  He keeps talking about "in a couple of years", which turns to "maybe in five years".  Fast forward to last year.  I finally called him on it.  He has noo intention of ever having another child.  His ExWife pretty much forced him into having their daughter (he'd wanted her, but not for several more years), and by the time my stepdaughter was born, the relationship was deteriorated irreversably.  Now he has a child, who he'd die for, who he pretty much has to bend ofer and kiss her Mother's butt in order to ensure that he will be "allowed" to be his daughter's Dad.  On top of this, about four years ago, he had some serious unexpected court issues (nothing to do with his daughter or her Mother) and literally almost lost everything.  He tells me life is just too risky to chance bringing another child into the world.  He's apparently felt this way for at least three years now, but he never said a word, even when he knew how much it was killing me, and he made the decision himself, without even running it by me or letting me know that he'd made a decision about it- we will have no more children.  This hurts as bad, maybe even more, than the fact that I will never be a Mom again.  Leaving him is not an option- we are strongly bonded to eachother and to eachother's children and we've been through Hell together several times over.  Perhaps that's why the betrayal hurt so badly, because it's the only time it's ever happend from either of us.  I've had many "helpful" suggestions from friends and family- trick him into getting me pregnant, leave him, force him, cheat on him and don't tell him. etc.  I couldn't live with myself if I did any of those.  I honestly wish I could.  I have to face the fact that my son will be 14 soon, his daughter is now 8, and there will be no more children, I will never have another tiny baby, little child to call my own, and my time as an active "parent" is limited- the kids are growing up and won't need me anymore, not like a CHILD needs a parent.  This is something I think about every day, something that kills me every time another friend or family member has another baby, every time one of my children has another birthday or passes another stage and I have to pretend I'm happy for them (Yay!  It's your birthday!  Yay, you're a teenager now!) when I'm dying inside.  Anyone ever hear the some, "What Hurts the Most"?  That's my song, my story.

harleyhalfmoon harleyhalfmoon 31-35, F 7 Responses Feb 27, 2009

Your Response


I want to be a baby 100%, I wear diapers 24/7 I wished I was forced to be a baby I will drink infant formula and everything from a baby bottle. I will sleep in a crib, Ill do anything please I want to be a baby, e-mail me call me anything. I will do it I am serious, diaper me and I am your baby.. ga ga gue gue ba ba love infantfred

replace your pills with aspirin,,,

I'm in a similar situation my boyfriend at first would have sex wih me without using anything and he wasn't at all worried if I got pregnant lately it's a different story. He's forced me into being on the pill. And he's so worried and scared about me getting pregnant he checks up on me to make sure I take it he refuses to use condoms and won't do anything without them. What the hel do I do :/

I'm in a similar situation my boyfriend at first would have sex wih me without using anything and he wasn't at all worried if I got pregnant lately it's a different story. He's forced me into being on the pill. And he's so worried and scared about me getting pregnant he checks up on me to make sure I take it he refuses to use condoms and won't do anything without them. What the hel do I do :/

Here's an idea, leave the LOSER. That's right, he's a loser. You just can't see that right now because you're "so in love" with a man who doesn't give a damn what would make you happy.<br />
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The guy has been lieing to you and leading you on with lies and false pretenses. Life is too short to put up with crap like that.<br />
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get some self confidence and move on.

Harley,<br />
<br />
I feel for you. You're actually, in a way, lucky. Luckier than me. You will always know what it feels like to be a mother. I, on the other hand, probably will not.<br />
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Women in my family also have trouble conceiving in their 30's. My mother had a couple of miscarriages before she had me. She was 30 at the time and I'm 34 now. I want to have a baby, just one. I feel like that chance is slowing dying away.<br />
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I've been married to a man who doesn't share the same dreams as me for 10 years. I've only come about this realization recently. My husand is adamantly opposed to having a child. At first, I thought he was open to the idea, until he told me 10 years ago that he didn't want ANY kids with me. We got dogs instead. I thought that would break the ice. Apparently not. I thought he would grow up (he's 39) but I guess not.<br />
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I don't know what my husband's problem is. He's in the military at the end of his career, nervous not only about his job prospects post-retirement but doesn't want the "financial burden" of a baby. At one time, I even wanted more children and then I compromised with just one.<br />
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For 10 years, he's strung me along, while my career crashed and burned as we moved around the country for different military assignments. Try being strung along for that amount of time. I actually gave him an ultimatum: he has a month to reconcile himself to my getting off the pill and trying for a baby. Though, there's a part of me that is starting to wonder if I want such a man for the father of my child who feels like my asking and pleading with him to consider "trying" is like putting a gun to his head. <br />
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I would get your feelings out into the open. You'll resent your husband more and more each day if you don't. I know that I've tried to push down my feelings and pretend that I'm not hurt by my husband's choices that have affected me for the past 10 years. I feel trapped. Maybe this is yet another reason I'm beginning to wonder if I married the right person. You learn a lot about yourself, marriage, and your spouse in 10 years and sometimes it's not pretty.<br />
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Cherish every moment you have with your son. Also, this situation may have opened your eyes to the person you've married. Love blinds us to the faults of those we love to the point that we ignore signals or even worse, get blindsided with revelations like that of your husband.

I feel sad for you and I hope things have improved and you have a baby now

Well, Harley, <br />
It seems that there is no easy answer for you. Don't let this fester, though. You say that you have a close relationship with him? <br />
Then tell him straight up that you feel betrayed. You say that you have been through a lot together, then perhaps you have one more test of loyalty between you. He is your husband and you should be able to tell him anything, including your feelings. Even if it includes a sense of betrayal on his part. He may not realize how set you were on having a child. Tell him in no uncertain terms. <br />
Come what may, if you don't your relationship could suffer by not saying anything.