My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant, and it's just not happening. I thought for sure that it would be easy, but no such luck. Everyday it seemed like everyone around me was getting pregnant, just not me. While already being concerned about not getting pregnant, I was beginning to worry that my sister-in-law would get pregnant before me. We knew that she wanted a second child, but she kept saying that it was not the right time. Well...she's pregnant. My heart sank when I heard this. I couldn't even sleep that night. I felt trapped in my own skin. I just wanted to run. Run away. I didn't, and I don't want to face that, her. It's so selfish of me, but I can't help it. The harder I try to sort out why I feel the way I do, the more confused and tangled my feelings get. I think what bothers me so much is essentially the reverse of that old saying "why do bad things happen to good people?" in this case it's, "why do good things happen to bad people". My sister-in-law and her husband are truly selfish, self-centered people. They are black on the inside. Their life is spent drawing attention to themselves and demeaning others. So it just kills me that they are blessed with life, and I am not. People keep telling me that "it will happen" and "just relax", but I don't think anyone quite understands.