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Ugh

So here's a little background.  I was married to an active duty soldier who was absolutely too selfish to be a husband.  After being together almost 9 years, going through 3 deployments and married a little over 4, we decided that it just wasn't going to work.  Now, I was 25 at the time and we had planned to start trying for children over deployment and blah blah blah and then we divorced. 
In October 2011, I got remarried to another soldier (which was not intended) who is 5 years younger than me.  He actually turned 22 today and I will be 27 in August.  Being around a military base, EVERYONE is pregnant, not to mention I cringe every time I get on Facebook because someone else I graduated with or am friends with is pregnant.  When I was 18 I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome so I don't ovulate like I'm supposed to.  I'm dying for kids and when my health insurance kicked in, my husband wanted me to go back on birth control until we were ready.  He wants kids bad as well. 
When he was 19, his girlfriend gave birth a month early and his son never made it out of the NICU due to complications with his heart.  I found out last night, the couple we were witnesses for at the JP, are now pregnant.  My husband's best friend and his gf are expecting a baby as well.  And those 2 are just small examples of the huge amount of people I know having kids.  My husband keeps telling me, "Baby we have time, we have time".  But I don't think he understands that because of my PCOS its going to be harder for me to get pregnant AND I'm obviously a lot closer to 30 than he is.  I finally got revved up enough I told him the other day that I would say we had time too if I was only 22.  He is beyond mature for his age though, don't get me wrong.  He would make a remarkable father. 
This morning is the first morning where I've actually been emotionally effected by "The Bug".  I get depressed when I hear about all the people and it kills me to take my pill everyday, but its never been like this.  I just keep bursting into tears randomly.  I've read where people have said "Get a puppy" well we have a dog and 3 ferrets and they are more than treated like children because they are my children.  My husband gets so frustrated with me when I get upset over hearing a new pregnancy announced.  I don't know how to make him understand I really don't.  There's a couple times since we've been married that I've suspected being pregnant, but of course we go get the tests, take like 4 or 5 at a time, and they come up negative.  I just don't know what to do or how to get him to understand things from my point of view.  Its not like I can say, "You don't understand how bad I want to be a parent" because he's actually had to bury a child and wants to be a father really bad.  HELP!!!!  I'm tired of being upset all the time.  Somebody...Anybody...Advice....PLEASE!
MHOLMES0885 MHOLMES0885 26-30, F Feb 15, 2012

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