Having A Hard Time Waiting!

Well, I am 23, going to be 24 this year, and I want a baby. I just started a course that will be done by 2011 so I can get a job in the health care field. I am desperately wanting to be pregnant, have a baby, and start my life! I have to say though, I feel like a moron for all of this! You might be wondering while the negative feelings towards myself? Well, in terms of baby making, I have wanted to do this since I was a teenager. I of course was not going to try anything then, that would not have been an easy or thoughtful route to take for me, my partner, or any unborn child. I had a strong desperate need when I was 19 years old and that need has pretty much stayed strong. I have been in a very good relationship for the last few years and now am feeling this desire very strongly,more so than ever before. This is where I feel like a moron. I brought up my wants for the future/now with my fiance (getting married next year), and basically had a week long nervous break down when he said he wasn't ready yet. What basically happened is we had a rather long discussion one night, where I was spilling my guts out, there were some unclear words exchanged, which lead to a very huge misunderstanding on both our parts. I was basically under the impression that he was ready indirectly try, so I went out and bought some prenatal vitamins. This is when, what I would call my nervous breakdown, began. He essentially freaked out because he didn't understand why I went out and bought vitamins the day after we had a conversation about having kids. I then lost it because I totally misinterpreted what he said.  I pretty much started crying a river for one week straight. It took the rest of the month for me to calm down enough to apologize for scaring him (he thought pre-natal vitamins=getting pregnant faster, he's not quite medically literate i that department!). Here I am, 7 months later, and I find myself tearing up about this routinely. Every time I get my period, I get upset. The week before my period I get upset. When another friend gets pregnant I get upset. Hell, I get upset when I see complete strangers who are pregnant. I feel like I have the worst kind of envy, I feel like I'm obsessed with pregnancy. I found out that my sister in-law was pregnant in February and just broke down into nothingness. I find myself geting upset and even angry with my fiance for not wanting things now. The part I feel the worst about is that I know he wants to have children in the future, in a year or two even, but for some reason, it doesn't feel like that's enough. I have been trying very hard to work out these feeling on my own, just really dig deep to find the root of this situation. I don't want to feel like this, it's not like I'm in a controlling relationship. Overall, my fiance and I get along wonderfully but since my confession, things have been very tense. I feel like he's always on edge and I know that's partly because I feel on edge all the time. I just wish I could turn off this switch inside my head that makes me feel so desperate! I'm worried that my emotions will get the best of me and a perfectly good relationship will go down the tubes all because of my extremely strong urge to have a baby. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to talk about it with my fiance anymore because it will just make me more upset. I will get more upset because neither of us will give into the other. I feel resentment towards him for not wanting a family now, and I resent myself for feeling this way. I feel like a big, giant, stupid, moron. I feel like a crazy lunatic. I feel like an emotional ball of contradictions. I feel like a phony. I just feel too much, and it really, and truly, tears me up inside. Anyone else feel this completely lost, broken, and confused, or am I the only generally sane person going crazy over maternal needs?
deleted deleted
6 Responses Jul 12, 2010

I feel the same.. I envy everyone that is pregnant to the point where I even avoid my friends that are pregnant. it sucks.

Just remember one thing, being aparent never comes with the right instructions for that one special baby ;O) Good luck

Its quiote a story you wrote, you know the time is going to come where you both are settled in and perhaps he will feel that he is ready to be a dad and you being a mother. I thinks its great that he is ashowing some responsibuility and knowing he is not ready to be a father yet. Its not your fault that you have that peternal instincts and it happens to most who are at the bearing years. Its natures way of saying that you are ready to conceive. Give it some time and don't allow ths consume the happiness that you do have, when the time is right you will have your baby

WOW! I know how you feel. Reading your story was like you were reading my thoughts...

mix feelings

You have found the right forum. Your frustration has been noted by 21 people in the last 4 hours. <br />
<br />
Vent all you want.<br />
Ding Dao