Boyfriend Has A Different Mindset

I wanted something that would remind people of me when i am not around. A beautifull baby. Girl or boy. It doesnt matter. Ever since i had that thought in my mind, i have been dreaming about becoming a mom. I do work so i can support. Im 21 years old. I was looking forward to changing diapers, waking up in the middle of the night to feed my baby, tell stories and just being a great mom. Up until this day, i still feel the same. For him/ her to foolow me while i lead the right path, to watch over me when i am old and grey. My life will be complete if i bring another sould into this world. I cant wait to be called mommy or mom. It would be the best thing in the world. I think about it every single day of my life. No matter what i do or where i am. That is just how i feel. For my lonely days, i want to have company, someone to speak to, someone to hold and someone to kiss. I want to be there for u in every way. I wouldnt want my time to be over right now. Not just yet. Not until my dream becomes a reality.

Sometimes i feel like crying because my boyfriend does not want a child as yet. We have spoke about it but always ends up being his way. He has a different mind. Very different than mine. Maybe i am obsessed, but i know what i feel is real. I love the baby which i dont even have yet. But i guess for now you are only in my thoughts and dreams until you decide to come along. I would give you the world. I would die if the decision had to be made for you. I would do anything just to meet you. I need you to complete me. Without you, i cant move forward, not without you following me. I have so much plans for us, thats why i need you here. Here where you belong, with mommy my love. I will wait for you as long as eternity lasts. And even though your image just surrounds in my thoughts, remember that mommy loves you to death. I hope we meet soon.

Im so emotional while writing this. Anyone in the same situation can leave a comment. I need help from any willing person.

Thanx for reading
tracili tracili
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 30, 2010

Your story really hit the nail on the head as to what I'm feeling. There are so many reasons I can't have one right now but I have this overwhelming ache of emptiness in the place where the baby isn't...

Hello, do you have any update?

I'm in the exact same situation atm, My boyfriend wont have one with me and i feel like i'm dying inside i have thort about suiside so many times because of this, i feel trapped and alone i feel like i have nothing to live for no one to hold in my arms and love for the rest of there life, it's killing me.. He doesn't really how it's making me feel.. <br />
i feel trapped, suffocating, it's amazing i'm still alive

Hi, It's been years... do you have any update?

I guess you right, even though i am 21, watching teen mom and 16 and pregnant, it has helped me a lot but im not going to give up trying. Thanx for the comment. And i hope You and J all of the best.

While it is undeniably amazing and fulfilling, it is nothing like you think it will be. It is the most intensely demanding thing you could ever do, and once you have the baby that's for the rest of your life. When I think about the stuff that's going on in the world, all the dangers and things to be afraid of, all the bad feelings you have growing up that you have to go through, it kind of makes me feel selfish for having a child because it isn't a nice world. And they don't always follow you, by any means. They are born to rebel and test boundaries. It is not easy, not one part of it, by any means. I definitely don't at all regret having my child. I absolutely love being a mommy. But it will happen for you when it should. And you definitely shouldn't have a baby with someone who doesn't feel ready yet. That's another huge part of having a child, is having a child with the right person. The only reason my son's father could be considered the 'right' person is because of how amazing my son is. But he has never been there, never supported him, never helped me out for a second and J will be 5 in October. My boyfriend is his Daddy and if I could have the same child just change the father, I would. haha. Anyway, that's just my two cents.