I Can't

I had really amazing time the few days. I was hit on by both a guy and a woman and then told how great I looked by a kid. I was on cloud nine and when I got home I was horny and so I started to play. I grabbed my breast and needed them making myself feel so good. I continued and started imagining a guy doing all the work. Eventually I moved down and started to stroke my very male **** and imagined it was that guy penetrating me in a vagina I do not yet have. He cooed sweet nothings at me as we made love and soon he told me he loved me. My heart lept and I returned the vow, he then asked me if I would have his child. I do not know why my mind slipped that in but I could not continue. I turned in my bed and started crying. "I cant have children for anyone ever!" I shouted at my pillow making my cats run away in start.
Rose35 Rose35
36-40, T
2 Responses Jan 12, 2013

I am so sorry for you sweetie.
That is the burden of reality!
You will probably have more emotional outbursts, and frustrating moments as the HRT continues to do its job for you.
Wish I could give you a hug!

Awww. honey it will be okay. Even if for some reason medical tech doesn't catch up with our desires in this lifetime once it is over we will go back to being female entities on the Other Side. We can throw a party together in honor of being the women that we are again and know that hopefully we won't have to go through it again. Eternity is a long time to be a woman compared with the few years that we have to be men in this life.

This is true, but often hard to accept.

I can agree with you there. I found a lot of peace with that kind of thing through spirituality. Sylvia Browne wrote a great set of books called the Journey of the Soul series. I can't even begin to tell you how much those books changed the way I viewed everything. It has made life so much easier to deal with.

I know my mom has some of her books I will see if I can barrow them.