I Want A Child Of My Own

I am 30 going on 31 and married. I have two stepsons, one of whom I have been raising full time since he was 6 (he's now 12).

I want a baby of my own so badly I can barely stand it. My husband was completely anti-baby when we met, having already had two kids and a vasectomy. We both knew from the beginning that the baby issue had the potential to be a deal breaker for our relationship, but we forged ahead because, honestly, we love each other like crazy and neither of us had ever met such a perfect match (sounds hokey, but it's true).

My husband proposed to me and said that he was willing to get his vasectomy reversed so we could try for a child together. It's been almost four long years since then and we were finally able to afford to have the surgery 4 months ago, after saving for it for years.

And now, suddenly, we can start trying... but he's hesitant to and everytime I talk about it, he shuts down and gets pissy with me. It's so frustrating!!! I mean if he really didn't want a baby after all, why did we spend $5k on the surgery? Why did he even go through the whole painful surgery and painful recovery?

Now he wants to wait until it's a good time of year: he doesn't want a Christmas baby, he doesn't want a baby near his other children's birthdays, he doesn't want me to be pregnant this Christmas because it might ruin the vacation we are planning.... it's always something! I feel like I have waited forever to get to this point. I feel like we both went through a lot of emotional turmoil and financial scrimping to get to this point. I am a good mother to my stepsons, I am a good loving wife, I want nothing more to have a child with the man I want to grow old with, and it is so incredibly hurtful to think that he doesn't want one with me.

Is anyone else in the same place? I know people might say to leave him, but honestly we have been together for years, I love him and the kids so much it hurts, we've built this life together and I can't even imagine what life without them would be like, but I can't imagine not having a child of my own. I have known since my 20's that was the one thing I wanted out of life more than anything else.

I'm at the point where I'm thinking of poking holes in the condoms we use or something to force the issue in an oops kinda way, but then I feel such a wave of guilt and disgust with myself for taking away his choice.
I want him to want it, and I thought he did, but now I'm wondering if he's going to just turn around and say flat-out no. Maybe I'm overrreacting, god I hope I am, but all my spidey-senses are tingling and saying that something is wrong, and I'm not going to get what I so desire.
Bigbadollie Bigbadollie
26-30, F
1 Response Jan 12, 2013

You need to sit down and talk hunny lay it on the table it's not fair he's making you feel that way your going to split anyway if you don't sort it out so may as well lay it on the table now before you become even more distant with each other good luck xxx