The Never Ending Cycle

This can be taken literally as I am now on cycle day 56 of my cycle at (finally) 8 days post ovulation.  Another way at looking at the never ending cycle is that we have been trying for two years, and nothing.  No positive pregnancy tests, no baby.  I should not say nothing.  I should say they did find that I had stage two endo that was removed.  They also found that I suffer side effects to fertility pills including the gaining weight rapidly effect.  It is fun!  Also, about once a month I get to look like a heroine addict with the track marks and needle holes in my arms from needles searching for blood on cd 3, cd7, cd11. etc...  So, I am bitter.  I am just plain mad that my husband has to make love to a cup while I wait with my legs up in stirrips with mediciations causing hormonal issues in me waiting for the doctor to imseminate me.  I am not going to lie, I desperately want to be pregnant, but I am now at the point that where I USED to say, "I want to have a baby" now I say "I want to be a mother"  I feel like I have matured and evolved as a woman when I think this but secretly I am still ticked off at the girl that it happens for the first time....
riverab1 riverab1
26-30, F
4 Responses Aug 20, 2007

All I can say is I empathize with you. I have been trying for 2 years....and nothing. people don't understand why I'm tired or throwing up from meds. And everyone close seems to be getting preg. I know nothing anyone says can really help. I'm sorry life can be so unjust. I'm praying for you.

It's so hard. It isn't fair that people who don't even want or mean to conceive do, and those who have prepared for so long don't. I used to want to go into fertility research for that very reason--that career path didn't happen, so instead, I volunteered to donate eggs.

Yeah its very very stressful. Verry verry unfair. I don't know why its so much harder on some of us that would give anything to be a mom and a good mom at that. I will just keep trusting and praying in God and hoping for the best. just know you are not alone in this struggle and your husband is great for sticking there with you. Maybe in some weird way this has happened to bring the two of you even closer. Just keep trying don't give up

I wish you all the best from my heart! I am still at the beginning, but I can imagine how you feel. We have been trying for about a year. I will have a blood test and my husband goes to the doctor in September. I don't know what will happen and what is waiting for us. I think that life is so unjust. Why is it that someone gets what she wants without asking? Others have to feel pain and have to suffer.