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I Want A Baby!

I am 20 going on 21 years old and all I can think about is how bad i want a baby. I am in a loving relationship with my boyfriend of two years. I have been living with him for about one year now. I recently got a new job that is paying me alot more than my other job.  I know how much it will cost me to have a baby,  I know its alot of money, but I have been saving for some time now and also my boyfriend has good insurance from his job. He also has a good paying job. I just want to get married first, but my boyfriend thinks that we should have a baby first to see if we will last together and then down the line if we are still together, we will get married. But at this point all I know is that I want a family with him because I love him alot. At the same time I have many mixed emotions about all of this because he recently got promoted and is now a store manager and I just keep seeing less and less of him. Also, when he does come home, hes very tired and just sleeps alot, which is understandable because he works long hours. Also, if we do decide that we want a baby, we sould have to move to a bigger apartment because we only have a one bedroom so we would need a two bedroom, but we would have some time to get that. At the end of the day, I know in my heart that I want a baby with this man because I truely believe that I am ready and that he is my soulmate. Can someone give me some advice?

ycabrera2208 ycabrera2208 18-21, F 3 Responses Nov 18, 2009

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You may love this man, and believe he is your soulmate...but trust me when I say...you don't want to have a baby and then see if it works out later to get married. Getting married after you have a baby adds to a whole new world of obstacles. Marriage is not just something you do and it's not easy. Anyone that tells you differently is lying. I am married, I love my husband dearly, and we have two children. I wouldn't trade how things happened with our family....but we had kids before we settled everything. It gets frustrating, but we depend on each other, and we are each other's best friends, lovers, co-parents, and safe place. <br />
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(***BTW, I was a single mother before I married my husband...so I can see this from all sorts of angles***) It's hard enough being a parent to begin with. It has it's rewards, but make sure you are doing what is right for everyone involved...not just because you want a baby.<br />
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Just to give you a look-see......around 2001 the cost of raising a baby from the time he/she is born until the age of 18 is $135,000. (This would be equiv. to maybe a house that you might want to have in order to give a baby a home instead of an apartment--if you want). This is not including all the summer camps, extra stuff, Christmas, holidays, vacations, college tuition, tutors for school if needed, school field trips, etc, etc., etc.. This only covers food, shelter, and the basics of clothing. It does NOT cover baby gap. And if two people are working, you need to consider the cost of day care....if you have to do that. Which is about $400 a month or more. Depending on where you live and the cost of living. Add to that, that if you are a two person income, it is wise to have enough in savings to support yourselves for a year in case anything were to happen (i.e. layoffs, medical emergencies, car troubles)....two would be better. <br />
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I'm not saying this to shoot down your dream. Just be prepared for all it takes. Money problems on top of a marriage with a kid already in the picture can add ALOT of stress. You want to do everything in your power to make sure you have what will make you happy not just for the time being....but 20,30,40,50 years on down the line. If your boyfriend is willing to do that, then you and he have all the time in the world to save, prepare, and start a family. There is no rush. Enjoy each other, love each other, and give each other the best start to a life together.

And so it will be.........but you need an education first....so you can me a good independent mom at least get your associates degree.

Hello :) I am 22 and have two kids. I was exactly like you. I was with my bf for two years and wanted to have kids really bad because I thought it would make it perfect. Now we have been together for 6 years and have two kids together. The love that you have for your kids is unexplainable its so unconditional and beautiful :) But let me tell the downside... Right now, the time you are able to spend with your man isnt going to be there hardly at all. when he comes from work not only is he going to be tired but you also might be stressed out if like the baby is sick and you having to deal with the constant crying, he isnt going to want to deal with it after work most likely. Being a mom means never getting break. On call 24/7 and Most guys say when the woman is pregnant or even after you have the baby that they will help out and do things like my boyfriend said but I then had to deal with him pretending to be asleep at night when the baby cried so I would have to get up every time. He told me once that he missed the way I used to baby him and take care of him, made me kinda sad but I just dont have the time for that anymore.. cleaning the house everyday sucks lol. You said that he wanted to have a kid first then get married to see if your still together but I dont think a kid should be used to test your relationship. You should be completely 100% sure that he is the man you want to be with before having a baby because your baby deserves a happy home ya know? A lot of times I have wished that I could have the same kids just wait a couple of years. I would recommend babysitting a small baby with your boyfriend and not just a couple hours because that wont give you the full effect. Kids cost sooo much money, I mean you can get help with some stuff but not all. You should probably go to college first if you havent because having a kid and doing homework is really hard. I hope this helps you.