Lost...

I don't know if I'm in the right group. I'm somewhere in between wanting and not being able to.

I'd like to have a child and am ready. I've been ready for a while, but haven't found the right person... I've been seriously considering a cryobank, but now I become horribly angry and sad when I see other pregnant women, that I wonder if I'm starting to get depression... I'm having difficulties focusing and I'm trying to finish a Master's degree. And then I wonder if it's a good idea - and my clock is now ticking. It's a horrible place to be. Is there anyone else out there?

tigerlily1 tigerlily1
31-35, F
1 Response Jan 20, 2010

Thanks - I read your story, and I'm very sorry for your loss and I hope that you will find happiness one day. <br />
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I feel like I'm going completely out of my mind. I asked a doctor about why I feel this way - if there could be a physical aspect in addition to the psychological. But she said no. I live in France, though, and there seems to be a bit of a different approach and mentality towards women who decide to wait... Anyhoo. I would never wish any harm on anyone, but these feelings are literally eating at me. Recently, two girls younger than me who are in the same circle of friends are pregnant and I become physically ill when I see them. I can't be around them. Luckily, I was in Los Angeles when my Midwestern high school friends were all getting married and having babies whereas I was focusing on an artistic lifestyle and my close friends in LA were on a similar path to mine... I didn't have time to think about those things. Plus I wasn't having any luck in the boyfriend department. In high school in the Midwest, a guy I dated for a while and then broke up with because he was rather violent stalked me for a while, then in college, I was at a Jesuit university where there were more girls than guys, so not much went on there, either. Then after college, had another crazy bf.... Now I'm in France and just trying to put my life together here.<br />
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I feel lucky that I'm returning to the States for a while and will be travelling a bit and have a photography project, linked to my research, so I'm hoping that will help. But, I'm having a very hard time finishing the book research at home. I feel like I have to cut myself off from everyday life because I've never followed the "normal" road. It's so difficult to concentrate and I've fallen behind...