You Can Have A Boyfriend

Wow 1,058 people say they want a boyfriend, have never been kissed, been made to feel like something is wrong with them, or have had little boys instead of a real relationship. Well I'm going to do my best to help you see what is really going on today. I speak as a guy who used to teach what I am about to tell you.

There is a large and growing community of guys who are learning how to "get" women. Don't believe me, just type "PUA" into google and see the returns you get.

A lot of what is being taught is being abused by boys to actually manipulate you women. There are a few of us who are trying to turn the tide. To show guys how to actually build a meaningful relationship. No fluff, nothing fake.

So, speaking from a point where I taught guys how to meet women. Here are what many, many, many of my "students" had to say about talking to girls. "What if she doesn't like me?", "You mean just go up and talk to her? Dude, are you nuts?", "What do I say?", "Look at her, she'll never go for a guy like me.", "Man she's with her friends.", "That guy must be her boyfriend.", and the list goes on and on.

We guys are so petrified of talking to you girls that we actually think up reasons not to talk to you. We need help! Okay I don't, I'm already married to a wonderful woman. But a lot of guys do.

Ever go to a party, a dance, or a club and see that guy standing up along the wall all by himself? Or that group of guys that keep walking around in a circle? Those guys want to talk to a girl but are scared of being what is now called Blown Out.

They expect their hearts and confidence to be ripped out, stomped on, set on fire, and handed back to them as a lump of coal.

So a long time ago a group of guys got together and decided to actually figure out a way of talking to girls without getting blown out.

It worked.

We would walk up and ask a question. An old one but good one (very popular on the web) "Who lies more, guys or girls?" This would spark a conversation. Then we would be able to talk and get to know each other.

Then it got bad.

Guys went for getting girls (need I say more?)

So here is the deal. Many guys still have not heard of this thing called pick up. It does exist on every level. All the way down to junior high. So when I stumbled across a girl who said she got her first kiss and the slime ball said "it won't work out between us" and he left. I knew for a fact he has been on the web reading. That is not how it is supposed to be used. That is a single school of thought and it is wrong.

Girls if you want a real boyfriend. Something that is going to last, you need to three things first and foremost.

1. Know the kind of guy that you want. List those traits. Don't make them superficial like has the same taste in music, likes the same movies, etc. Make them deep. He has a plan for his life. He is passionate about something other than playing in a band. He holds others accountable for their actions. See what I'm saying?

Just because a guy is popular or good looking doesn't mean he is a nice person inside. You don't want someone who is putting others down to feel better about themselves. If a guy makes you feel bad about who you are, you are not going to change him because that is how he is able to feel better about himself.

2. You need to feel good about yourself. There are many guys out there begging to have a girl in their life. There are guys who are so socially handicapped (they are not losers) that they are paying hundreds and thousands of dollars to learn how to speak to women.

Much of this, like I said, is for one goal and it's not right. But these guys don't know any better. It works on women who have a low self-esteem. So if you don't feel good about yourself, you are their target. If you have a high self-esteem and like who you are their playbook will not work on you. You will not make a mistake that you may later regret.

3. Be open. Most of what I see with a lot of women (and men) is that they are not open. People are listening to their iPods, texting, or all curled up and not smiling.

Guys want to talk but will find a reason not to. So if you are listening to your iPod or involved in a text conversation the chances of a guy talking to you go way down. If you are sitting with your hands crossed and hunched over with no smile on your face. You look like your pissed at the world. Guys will think "she is going to humiliate me if I talk to her."

You need to open yourself up so guys will actually feel a little less threatened. Sit straight up with your shoulders relaxed and back a little bit. Then smile.

This by itself will increase your chances of a guy actually talking to you.

If you see a guy you want to actually talk to, look him in the eye and smile at him. Now we guys don't take hints very well. Ask any married woman. We guys are terrible at taking hints.

So you may need to break your eye contact, tilt your head, and look at him again. He should get the hint.
But, some are real scared or dense. Doesn't mean they are a loser by a long shot. Trust me, they just don't know how to act around a girl. They are really messed up about thinking they will mess up and tick you off. With this case you will need to actually walk over and talk to him.

Don't be surprised if once in a while the guy is actually a loser. He is the exception. Most are just scared though.

Now for those of you who have met a guy and he mysteriously disappeared after seeing you once or twice. Meaning those girls who have never been kissed but have known a few guys for a short period of time. It's like this.

Guys are in their heads. "How long until I should kiss her?", "How do I kiss her?", "What if she thinks I'm a bad kisser.", "I want to but I don't know if she wants to?", "What if she thinks I only want her for...?", and the list goes on.

This is what's going through a guys head. Sometimes just touching you is a huge deal to a guy. He doesn't want to mess things up with you, but ends up messing it up anyway. Mainly because you can't tell what he wants.

So here is what you can do to take the pressure off. Tell him straight up, you like him and want to consider him a boyfriend.

If it comes to the kiss, when you want to kiss him look him in the eye, smile, and touch his cheek. Now, for a guy who isn't that good with women he already knows the deal. But he isn't sure and doesn't want to mess things up. He will more than likely pull back and say "what." Playing like he doesn't know what is up.

If you like him just tell him "kiss me." If your not sure about the guy, stick him on the shelf and keep looking. I guarantee "mr. what" is going to sit at home and cuss himself out for not kissing you. I can also guarantee the next time he sees you he will be even more nervous. That's if he doesn't avoid you all together.

Now if any of this makes any sense to you and you have any questions you can PM me. I will get back to you as soon as I can. I don't have all the answers but may be able to steer you in the right direction.

The main thing is, there is nothing wrong with you. There may be something that you are doing that isn't making you approachable, but that can be changed. There isn't anything that is wrong with you so long as you like who you are. Even then you can like who you are.

I don't want anyone to get played and hurt by these games some of these guys are looking to play. Much like the girl who got a first kiss and then was left thinking something is wrong with her. You deserve the best as you define it.

I hope this helps some of you. Your man is out there I hope you discover him when your ready for him.

My very best to all of you.
Knighted Knighted
36-40, M
10 Responses Jul 29, 2010

Find love, love life, and look good doing it—simple changes that can change your life. <br />
Considering online dating? Or not getting optimum results? <br />
Whether it’s a profile or picture review, help drafting communication, or suggestions on which site to join get experienced advice targeted directly to you and your needs. And once the dates start rolling in LGL can help you keep them coming. <br />
FREE CONSULT! Tell LGL who you are and what your looking for and get individually tailored experienced advice in return. What have you got to lose? Email lookingoodlove@gmail.com

There is someone out there for everyone. The thing is that we must be willing to take the risk of getting to know that person. Also, letting that person get to know us. It's being genuine with that person. If they are not genuine then they are not it. I meet people every day in the most bizarre places. They are great people for the most part. I take it slow before I really open up. No reason to share every detail all at once, but I remain honest. A truely genuine person would respect that. Even with separate projects. You and he may no interest in those projects. My wife has no interest in some of what I do and I have little in some of hers. Yet, we have an appreciation for each others projects which brings us closer together.

I've just not gotten to understand the balance between love, family, career, to be united and at the same time have separated lives, I sometimes avoid to get emotionally involved with somebody 'cause we just have too different projects, but should I worry about that already, 'cause it could be a worthing relationship, just with separated lives yet, do I take it too seriously or complicate too much?

I've just not gotten to understand the balance between love, family, career, to be united and at the same time have separated lives, I sometimes avoid to get emotionally involved with somebody 'cause we just have too different projects, but should I worry about that already, 'cause it could be a worthing relationship, just with separated lives yet, do I take it too seriously or complicate too much?

Thanks for such things you say, I've gotten used to be alone anyway, I'm a nate loner, then I can hear the symphony of my own mind, of my heart and spirit, and interprete them, I have the chance to be in touch with myself and not being fooled by my own instincts, not desperate to be with someone, maybe I wouldn't know how to handle it yet, the day will come, I guess... But I wonder about the theory of the existence of "the one" for each of us, when are you prepared for him(her), and all the way there how do we choose the relationships we have, 'cause I'd have no problem with waiting, but most people get desperated or feel bad at being alone, then is when people make mistakes and end up in unhealthy relationships, you gave a key on this, self steem and love for oneself, confidence, but I still wonder, about this transitory relationships, where you learn, grow up, change, when people thinks it might have found the one and just is another guy...

Thanks for such things you say, I've gotten used to be alone anyway, I'm a nate loner, then I can hear the symphony of my own mind, of my heart and spirit, and interprete them, I have the chance to be in touch with myself and not being fooled by my own instincts, not desperate to be with someone, maybe I wouldn't know how to handle it yet, the day will come, I guess... But I wonder about the theory of the existence of "the one" for each of us, when are you prepared for him(her), and all the way there how do we choose the relationships we have, 'cause I'd have no problem with waiting, but most people get desperated or feel bad at being alone, then is when people make mistakes and end up in unhealthy relationships, you gave a key on this, self steem and love for oneself, confidence, but I still wonder, about this transitory relationships, where you learn, grow up, change, when people thinks it might have found the one and just is another guy...

Valkyriejoy, in my personal opinion I would say that you would be a great person to know. You have high standards. That would mean you at least have a clue as to what you want. That guy will come along someday. You just have to be patient and recognize him. Hint, he's the nice Secure one that won't give up on you.

and congratulations for having found the ideal person to you... Hope you both achieve great things together, learning, wisdom, joy, happiness...

and there's when existentialism gets too complex too handle... too much thinking...

It's hard to find something you can really call love, 'cause it involves way too many aspects, sometimes one can trust on intuition, but I consider it's too hard to choose 1 specific person among the huge amount of people we know through a lifetime; for me it's even harder 'cause I hate to make mistakes, so I don't like to get involve in a relationship which I believe from the very beginning it's gonna fail, 'cause you get afraid of pain, suffering, even normality and something average, or when your expectations are way too high, when you get too idealistic. I'm 20 years old, and I complicate things so much, my ego is also big, and sometimes I'm not sure if somebody deserves me, and others I get depressed and just don't know if I have something special to offer at all...