Get Great Guy-2

I covered a lot of basic understanding in the last post "Get a great guy". This is more of the action steps that you will need to do so that he doesn't take off. This is still just appealing to his animal instinct. Which you will have to do on occasion even after 60 years of being married to him.

It may sound crazy but this comes back to you even greater when you need him. You do this and he will take care of your needs as well. This is what people mean when they say "relationships/marriage takes work."

Here is where we men are in todays world. Women don't need us like they did in the 50's and 60's. Women today are CEO's, Senators, managers, and business owners. The days of relying on a man to have a good life are over. Today women can earn as much, if not more, than men do. So that leaves us in the a place where we don't know what to do.

We are told "please listen to me", "Respect me as a woman", and "I desire romance". Then the next day or that night at the club we get "Shut up and get away", "I'm just as good as you are", "You have to be kidding, flowers." It leaves us confused as to what you want.

So we men feel this. We either get a woman who doesn't need us OR we get an immature woman who is overly needy. Ugh.

Even though all of you have been saying it all along. So to get what you need here is what we need. Except we don't talk about it because it deals with emotions and not logic.

Some of this is going to seem out of your realm and against your nature. I can practically guarantee you that if you do this, this guy is going feel totally lost without you. Let's begin.

When your guy is out with all his friends be on his arm. If you are around other guys, pay more attention to him than the other guys. This doesn't mean ignore or not talk to them. Just be closer to your guy or look at your guy more than the others. This will let him know you admire him more.
What it does for him is raise his ego and raises him in rank amongst the other guys. It may make no sense to you as to how this works as it's a guy thing. When a guy has a woman who isn't afraid to touch him in public and show her affection for him it raises his status.
Ever wonder why the guys in school go after the most popular girls? Your social ranking also raises his status. It doesn't matter whether its in school but also in professions. If you are a high powered attorney, an actress, a Senator, or doctor, it raises his status amongst other guys. This part only aids him if your status somehow aids his status, career, or resources. If not, it's no big deal.
Every time his friends comment on how lucky he is, his status goes up. Also, his commitment to you.

DON'T be a mother figure. Ever see the movie with Kate Hudson, Matthew McConaughey "How to lose a guy in 10 days." Kate visits Matthews place and redoes the bathroom with pink curtains and nick-knacks. He freaks out. His territory is being taken over. Guys need a place that they claim on their own as their own.
Did you see the scene in "Transformers" where Sam (Shia) freaked when Mikaela (Megan) started to look in a box. Sam said "Not in there. That's my personal space, don't go into my personal space." Mikaela replies confused "But you said search everything."

This is that territory thing again. NO woman, yet alone ANY guy may enter this territory. He might make an exception at some point in time if you highly respect his exact rule on territory. He wants to expand and grow his territory through his ambitions. If you invade that he will feel as if you are trying to turn him into a trained house cat instead of letting him be a lion.

Show him you will not invade, change, or overwhelm his territory. So don't visit him at work, invite yourself to go out with his friends, or invade his hobbies. A single invitation is not a permanent one. If you have similar interests you have a permanent invitation. Such as both of you like mountain biking. You can expand his territory by combining your group and his. It's not a true expansion but he sees it as his influence just grew thanks to you. Again his ego got a boost and he just grew closer to you.

Now, since both of you have a clear sense of boundaries he will be less likely to wonder off checking out other women. He may look (he's a guy) but he won't go crossing any lines.
Hey, how do you think I know so much about women and my wife has such trust in me? Clear boundaries.

When you support his desire for expansion he draws closer to you. Getting that balance of expansion and intimacy is what you want. He will follow.

The first two areas build to this one. He will see that a friendship and commitment to you will increase his internal drive for power. It's important that you don't go overboard on sexual attraction. Guys can get extremely jealous if other guys are not getting that you desire him more than them. Stay on your guys arm.
If he is still jealous, kick him to the curb. You just saved yourself a lot of grief.

Actively show him that you choose him over the other guys. Also show him it's okay that you can take care of things such as pick up the tab once in a while. That you can confidently speak your mind. This can be seen by him that having you around can be a good thing. This again raises his rank and makes him feel powerful inside.

Don't go overboard. Your confidence must match his. If he can't go up and talk to strangers and you can. It will have the reverse affect on him. He will feel less of man. So don't do this while he is around you. Meanwhile, if he can speak to strangers and you can't, he gets frustrated. Like you are holding him back.
Here is your way out of this.

Believe in your guy. Let him know you think he can accomplish whatever his dreams are. Remember "Astronaut Farmer" where he was building the space rocket? Everyone thought he was crazy and would die, except his wife and kids. When he nearly killed himself his wife still helped him rebuild the ship. Believe in your guy. Your belief in your man at expanding his territory, rank, and internal power just draws us closer to you.

Now this goes against all knowledge that women are CEOs, successful business owners, and leaders in every facet of modern life. This is because men need to feel like men. We don't get this boost from other men. We can only get it from women.

Next time I will get out of the Animal phase and start dealing with more mature items.
Great hunting for that great guy.
Knighted Knighted
36-40, M
2 Responses Aug 7, 2010

I'm not a doctor of any kind. I work as a life coach and specialize in relationships. I do have a guide for men that I use when coaching. Everything posted under my name comes from reading, studying people and actual life experience.

Holy cow, this guide is perfect. Knighted, are you a psychologist or something of the sort?<br />
Honestly if any girl was like this to me, it's unlikely I'd ever want the relationship to end.<br />
Do you have a guide like this for us men to make women feel okay around us too?