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Too Together?

I've been trying online dating and haven't been very successful. I've met a few guys--maybe 2 or 3--that I was kind of interested in, but never get second dates with them. I worry that maybe I come off badly in dates. I'm very introverted and a little shy, so often in social encounters I feel like I go into "professional mode" and become business-like. People often describe me as serious, intense, independent, and self-possessed. Could that be scaring guys off? Maybe I don't come across as "feminine" enough?

Should I learn to show more vulnerability? I'm not asking if I should change who I am, but I think perhaps I need to somehow seem more human to the men I'm meeting.

In truth, I'd really like to find a man who would be my best friend and then work from there. But it's just confusing. I don't know how to do that on a dating website, and I don't meet many men in my everyday life, so a chance encounter seems unlikely.
StrongLight StrongLight 26-30, F 4 Responses Jul 9, 2012

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Many people describe their issues, you seem to have done it fairly well. <br />
In honesty dating sites are not worth it unless you are using a exclusive paid service that costs a fair amount. Most people on dating sites are looking for Hookups ( I can say this because I conducted a experimental run once ). It is fairly true that meeting people on the prowl is difficult, most men in bars an clubs want one thing your body for the night.<br />
I would suggest trying activities or joining some sort of group e.g yoga, cooking/dance class, book club. <br />
Something that interests you, from<br />
What I have learnt that is the best way.<br />
The warning should always be not to have to high exceptations to remain focused and going about your day, don't shy from interactions, love always strikes when you least believe it.<br />
One must continue on no matter what, look on the bright side. If you would wish to talk more or gain any opinion I have to offer feel free to message me.

Thanks, I really enjoyed your reply.

It was my pleasure to share my take on it. Now that you say it was enjoyable, may I ask what your thoughts are on my the flaws words I presented.

I felt they show a lot of wisdom. I think you're right that it's important to go about life, find other things, and let love find me. I've been trying to find some kind of club or gathering, but nothing has turned up yet. However, I'll keep looking!

I am certain you will find something, but I must ask out of pure curiousity would you describe what you imagine love to be; what would the perfect man exhibit.
A common problem that prevails in our society is the inflated desires and ideals; born from exposure to unrealistic concepts of love in literature, film and media. In my opinion love has always been about acceptance , appreciation , compromise and hardwork. Love never happens it develops slowly over time and that bond is what one must always strive for. We may say we are selfish and we donot need anyone but truth of the matter is we are nothing without the other half.

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This might seem like an odd response, but try having a drink before going out on a date, or maybe order wine with dinner, alcohol tends to break the ice rather quickly. You need to be aware that men are intimidated by women that might appear to be more successful than them.<br />
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One last thing, I suggest you go out more in social settings, try going to a bar, gym, or a pool some time, this will significantly increase your chances to meet people.

Hi, as a man I have the same issues. In fact I've just posted my story on this forum deliberately to hear a female perspective. But, I can tell you this, I believe the biggest mistake I ever made was to learn how to become independent. Love is dependency, the gateway to dependency is vulnerability. Independence may sound like a virtue but its just a buzz word. If you need something it becomes disposable. Well that's my humble opinion

god bless you

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