(for The Ladies) Why Don't We Start Off As Friends?! ;)

Hello ladies,

I know that there are a lot of woman who want that "special someone" in their lives.  That person who they can talk to, share their thoughts and dreams with.  Someone that will hold them and tell them "everything is going to be alright."
kiss them, love them, and make them feel like a woman again.  Sometimes they jump for the first guy that comes along because they are in such need for that intimacy. Well like many other guys I want someone as well, but in my experience rushing into it because you feel like he's/she's "the one" is how hearts are easily broken if it turns out your not meant to be together...but if your a single female who thinks we could have something, let start off by just getting to know each other and see where life takes us...who knows? It can be a fantastic relationship...or even an awesome friendship!!! hit me up and let me know what you think!!!
TheRenegade TheRenegade
31-35, M
4 Responses Jul 17, 2012

i want a boyfriend the age of 17 if ure intrested add me we could go out

Too young, I have no idea what you look like, and you should always try and get to know someone first. In a few years you will learn this too!

I agree with you to a certain extent, however in my personnal experience when I've had male friends I liked enough to go to that next step with, it eventually destroyed the friendship and I got my heart broken double. ba<x>sed on that, I would not mix friendship with love again, so for me personnally, by wanting to be friends with me, a guy would simply sabotage his chances of anything more. I think there are ways to get to know someone while keepin in mind the fact that the goal is a relationship and not a friendship, and for me that would be the best approach.

I'm sorry those things have happened to you...trust me I know the feeling...but can you say that simply diving into a relationship is better? You're absolutely right that it is not as cut and dry as I put it...but neither is just diving into a relationship...I would want nothing more than to just have a girl and us be perfect together and simply cut out the middleman!! lol but I know that although that is possible...I have a better chance of just getting to know the person!

I agree that diving into it is not good either and that's not what I meant. I'm all in favor of taking time to get to know someone. On paper, getting involved with a friend looks like a good idea, because it's someone you already know and appreciate, and it looks like it might improve the odds of it working out if the attraction is there. At least that's what I thought. But expectations seem to change, the dynamic is not the same, and because there was a friendship there before somehow there is never a clear definition of what each person expects after the relashionship evolves. I freely admit that I'm not the best at communication, but still, it takes two, and I can't take the blame for everything that went wrong in my experiences. I also missed the nice little things guys sometimes do when they meet a girl they like and want to "impress" her; when you've known someone for years and you know she likes you already, I guess you don't think about that as much, but that was always a little sad for me (specially since I felt I made an effort). So yes, take time to know the person before diving in, absolutely. But not as friends. There can be flirting and teasing and all that, special little things for the other person, to me that is not a just-friends behavior and the expectations would be clearer from the start. I don't know, these things are always complicated and I'm far from being an expert. But for me, I just don't want to lose any more friends because of this. It's too high a price to pay.

Well I definitely can't say that I disagree with you buddy...it is a high price to pay...but sometimes I wonder just how strong a "friendship" actually is if a simple question can completely destroy it? I feel that those I have had the best friendships with and also wanted to date were the girls that when I popped the BIG question simply said something along the lines of "I think you're a great guy, but I can only see us as friends"... obviously this was always disappointing to hear, but in the end I at least understood that our relationship/friendship could handle anything...even rejections! and I had even more respect for their character!!!
but it was not always like that for me...have you read my story "I Find It Ironic"? this girl practically said I wasn't even on her level! stomped on me after all the things I used to do for her... and I considered her a best friend...but the truth is that if someone can treat you so coldly I wouldn't had wanted to be with them anyway...I'm just lucky I found out then! She could had said yes and that would had been the kind of person that I'd have to deal with...but again...rejection is a part of some of our lives (some more than others) but I know the feeling of not at least knowing for sure: it eats you alive and is all you can think about sometimes!!! sometimes we forget about the sense of relief that we receive (and might not even notice it) from know whether there is more for you and your friend...there is a clarity of the mind that seems to happen...but because we become so focused on the rejection...this isn't always noticeable...but just because dating a friend is tough doesn't mean you can't date someone and become best friends right? in fact, I think this is when TRUE LOVE begins and no one else will do!!

I went and read the story you mentioned - I'm sorry you had to deal with such a person. My situation is a bit different, the friendships have evolved into actual relashionships and each lasted at least a year (three different guys, I'm not a fast learner) and in each case I had known the person and had been very good friends for over 5 years - over 10 years for one of them - and I was never the one who made the first move. For some reason they wanted me to change after things evolved and I'm just an independant person - I still need an evening by myself once in a while, and I'm in no hurry to move in with anyone. But they knew that before, I'm the same person I was so if they didn't like it, why make a move in the first place? Also, I feel that if we were such good friends, how come we can't talk about it? The last guy just got mad because I wasn't affectionnate enough and won't have anything to do with me anymore. Nothing got discussed and it's killing me. This is still fresh for me, barely a month out of it, and it's still so hard. I have so many unanswered questions, and I miss him so badly. I miss my friend and the good times we had together. I'm just trying to make sense of all of it. And sorry if I'm not really clear or coherent sometimes, english is my second language and these things are hard for me to put into words, let alone translate.

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That's a good point, but some people do fall in love fast. Those people fall out of love just as fast it seems!

thanks sweetheart!!! there are some lucky ppl out there...but for the rest of us we should definitely take it slower if that is what we want!!

thats true,yet im one of those who falls fast and gets hurt.I have come to think that maybe i want to be loved too badly?My best friend in town is a lady,we spend a lot of time together.Shes every thing i could want.but!shes such a good friend that we
decided a long time ago not to risk our friendship by taking the next step.

Hey babydaveytx...thanks for the comment...

Yea that is a tough one...risking a friendship to try and take it to the next level is very risky stuff...but in my personal opinion...isn't that what love is? it is nothing but a leap of faith when we enter into a relationship. sure, we might take that risk based on the feelings we have that the person could lead to something special...but unless you can predict the future, we are doing nothing but taking a risk with that person...if we would only get into a relationship if we are 100% sure and positive that it will work completely and last forever...then none of us will ever be in a relationship my friend... I think unless your friend doesn't feel the same way about you that you feel about her, there is always going to be that tension and wonder for the rest of your life...but at least you guys at least talked about it...most ppl don't even get that opportunity!!! I can't tell you how many times I have wanted to date a friend of mine but was turned down...but in the end most of them (except for one) are still real good friends of mine and I know they are happy to know we are still friends and value my friendship...there has only been one instance we're a good friend of mine ended up saying no in a very mean way!!! I mean it was bad!! lol...but it sounds like your relationship is too strong to let something like this destroy your relationship...correct me if i'm wrong, but it sounds like SHE decided more than you did to stay friends...would you go through with it if you could?

I feel the same way... been in relationships that were to fast and lasted just as fast lol... We really do need to take things slow and really get to know the person find out if there is a connection.... cause honestly cant stand loosing relationships that fast...

exactly right Risky23...I honestly blame TV and magazines for this one sometimes...rarely is there a show or movie about a couple that took the time to learn if they could last...it's usually the "love at first site" thing...and although I believe this does exist for some very very lucky people...we should not expect it...but I feel like it's the only story a woman wants...and honestly even I want sometimes...and all it takes is a simple reminder of why your in the relationship in the first place...we have to be honest with ourselves and with our partners...if your in it for....we'll call it "the fun" then let that other person know!! it could really be heart breaking to feel betrayed and used in such a way...and if they are into that...well then you have nothing to lose...but if they are not into what you are then it is time to move on...What I think is really important is to not date anyone simply because "they are nice or sweet" or because they are simply attractive...in my opinion those are "surface" qualities...very superficial.... make sure you guys have a connection much deeper than that!!! finding someone that's nice or that is good looking in my opinion isn't that hard really...and this is why it would be so easy to lose interests if this is how you choose your partner...I think this was one of the reasons why my relationships were so quick!!! lol they were sweethearts whose self esteem was damaged some how...and I knew they were worth more...and as soon as their confidence went back up...I was no longer needed!!! lol...but you hit it right on the money brother...we do have to try and develop that connection...thanks for the comment!!!

its the movies, you have an hour and a half to show a love story so girls see how fast it happens and expect it to be the same.... Alot of things that are wrong in life is the media's fault... they do it for money we follow and mess up our lives.. go figure..

thanks for the response glad some one out there knows the real deal...

Right there with ya...but we must also remember that there are exceptions to every rule...and just like you, me and other guys know this...that should definitely mean that there are woman that know this as well!!! they may be hard to find, but they are definitely out there!!! keep your head up brother!!

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