Is It Me?

So I am a mixed (half black, 1/4 white, and 1/4 american indian) and I am kinda overweight I am not going to lie but Im not an ugly bigger person I have a really pretty face and everything. I am 19 years old and I haven't had a boyfriend before.
To be fair let me give you a short history. I went to public school until I was in 9th grade. I honestly hadn't had any guys interested in me at that point. I was a bit of a tom boy (i got my clothes dirty and didnt sit like a lady and hated the idea of wearing make up, I still wore girl clothes though, just to be clear) and then I joined cheerleading. I cheered for another school in 4th grade, thats another story. Then I cheered for my elementary school in 5th grade. It was then that I became interested in boys. I liked this one guy the whole year but never told him. In middle school I liked a couple of guys not too many though. I did hang out with people who werent the best students or active in school but still managed to get boyfriends. I on the other had one guy interested in me in 6th grade but I honestly did not like him. I was asked in 8th grade to date but it was a joke, apparently the kid a lost a beat. (that one hurt) Then I was in a public high school in 9th grade and liked this one guy a lot. I mean A LOT. He was the first guy I actually told and I actually thought I had a chance. We were just alike, we were really good friends, and we spent a lot of time together. I told him I liked him during the summer and he said that he could be whatever he wanted me to be. WHICH by the way I STILL dont know what the heck that means. (so if you are reading this and know please tell me) Anyway then it was off to a small private school. I liked like 2 guys the whole time I was there but didn't do anything about it. I told one of them once, but it was after I had liked him and it was more in a passive way. Then I went to college and I liked another guy my freshman year but he just wanted to have sex and I am a Chritian and I love God and I did not want to do that.(oh and after the first semester at the universtiy I transferred to a community college and have been there since)

Now here I am almost my second semster as a sophomore and I only seem to get hit on by old black guys. I honestly don't like black guys, because of the bad experiences I have had with them. I am not saying I am not open to it, but I feel like you know what I mean. I like almost all nationalities other than Arabic and Black. I have had terrible issues with all guys I meet from those naionalities. Again not saying that I am judging the entire race, its just not preffereable. The kind of guy I honestly like are white guys.

I was just wondering if maybe it was me and that is why guys just don't like me or maybe it is just because the opportunity honestly hasnt popped up yet. Everyone around me has had at least one boyfriend and here I am like a loser without one =(

Please give me your opinions. Is it because I am fat? Black? Is it my personality. I am a very sweet and caring person, I can get annoying sometimes though and I do talk too much sometimes.

Let me know if you have questions =)
tiarra396 tiarra396
18-21, F
5 Responses Dec 7, 2012

Thank you so much. It has been awhile since I wrote this and I honestly kind of forgot about it. I have come to realize this in my time as a 19 year old. I see these "loves" where boys are leaving the so called love of their life without so much as a thought about them and I don't want that. I know it will come in my due time, but you put it very eloquently and very concise and even gave me new things to remember and think about. Thank you for responding and reminding me of God's plan for my life!

hey tiarra!!!.. getting a boyfriend or getting so-called true love is not like earning 1st in a exam or winning a competition or earning in a buisness and beating all components.. its ACTUALLY A NATURAL ACT WHERE IT HAPPENS... i mean to say that love is of so called nature that it doesnt get invited nor can it be pretended nor can it be forced!!!! it comes when it has to come... and when it comes.. it comes with a lightning., a magic in the heart and whole body and a thrilling experience... above all.. its GOD GIFTED.. im sorry to tell U that most of people today dont experience love.. the love they call is attraction wheither sexually or of opposite sexes ..whatever it may be.. which can be forgotten after few years or by some other persons entry.. but after experiencing true love u wont be able to forget that person by ur life time.. and by no means u would like to hurt him or her..
Now when u really experience this God's gift., please dont ask him or her to be urs .. as if that person also feels the same about u then he will automatically come as he will feel the same truama or the same voltage as u fell and thats call 2-sided love. By forcing him or falsely attracting him and gaining his attraction or by creating negative means by acting sexually or dressing sexually or artificially creating enviornments to attract him.. this artificial love doesnt last. He may be attracted to u for some time or moment or years after that its like duplicate colour which evaporates in sun or by a small accident or by passing few years. But the love which lasts is REAL LOVE, which cant be created which cant be forced or which cant be made..

Yeh I love to dance so I am doing Zumba. The people info to church are people from my private school but if I don't put myself out there then I won't jae a chance. Thank you for your comment!

Yeh I love to dance so I am doing Zumba. The people info to church are people from my private school but if I don't put myself out there then I won't jae a chance. Thank you for your comment!

I have also done a dating website before but I hated it because it was just old creepy people on there. I just want to meet a nice Christian guy that is around my age like 19-25 (i kind of like older men, but not super old like 30 year olds)