Embrace It.

I miss those warm hugs in the morning before school, those "hello beautiful" text messages. I miss you always laughing at my jokes, and telling my I'm beautiful, and the prettiest girl at school. I even miss those "I love you texts", which scared me off in the first place. Fear crept into my mind, when you decided limits didn't exist and going too fast was what was going to happen. I felt guilt in the pit of my stomach, I felt stupid for trusting you- whose intentions weren't a relationship. I remember sneaking into the staircase, you kissing me, before dashing into your class. I felt dazzled, yet horrible for betraying my parents- they would never approve of you. They don't even approve of dating at age thirteen. Most of all, felt betrayal to myself for breaking my own standards, my own rules. For wasting my first kiss on a fool in a staircase. I feel betrayal towards my own self for even craving that affection again. All I want is somebody to think about my frequently, sending me cute texts and giving me warm, cologne scented hugs. All I long for is somebody special. But I feel like I am over my head in my own loneliness. And although everyday I crave affection and love from a man, a standard I will not break is this: I will not sink. I refuse to sink. This will not take over my life.
willnotsink willnotsink
13-15
Jan 12, 2013