Desperatly Want to Appear Not Desperate

I'm totally ashamed about it too. All my life I've had friends who complain all the time about how awful their lives are because they are single. I've never felt quite that way, because I have very close friends who are fun when they're not whiny, and usually that's enough. But lately I've been feeling those weird little pangs in my stomach saying "Why are you alone? Why are you alone? You're ugly aren't you. Stop feeding me doritos!"

Unfortunately my low self esteem keeps me from making even the slightest first move, so I just sort of mope around, and then get angry and myself for moping over not having a boyfriend, then moping more for getting angry at myself. It's a terrible cycle.  Oh well.
wanderkid wanderkid
18-21, F
24 Responses Jul 17, 2007

I feel the same... I'm 21 and still have never had a boyfriend :( I've liked some guys and some guys have liked me, but it's never mutual... It's so annoying!! Am I doing something wrong?

I feel the same... I'm 21 and still have never had a boyfriend :( I've liked some guys and some guys have liked me, but it's never mutual... It's so annoying!! Am I doing something wrong?

I feel the same... I'm 21 and still have never had a boyfriend :( I've liked some guys and some guys have liked me, but it's never mutual... It's so annoying!! Am I doing something wrong?

After reading all these comments I feel better...I want to date someone but it's hard to find someone to get along with. I met several guys but I'm waiting for someone to make the move and if I like him and get along with then that will be a yes. I hope all the girls will find someone...I guess we need to find a hard core HOBBY! LOL!!!

ok...here is my stupid and sad story...met a guy...totally HOT guy...a few years younger then myself. We went out for a drink, talked and he kissed me good night...OMG! The worlds best kisser. My knees literally gave way...he laughed at me and kissed me again...Totally into him. As soon as he left he text me saying he thought it was my kissing that was awesome and couldnt wait to see me or kiss me again...we text for two days. He asked if i wanted to come over. This was at 4 pm. I agreed. I waited for hours and didnt hear from him again...I was pissed. I paid a babysitter $30.00 and didnt even leave my house. I text him and asked if he was ok? No word. I waited an hour and asked if he still wanted to get together? No word. I called and told him that if he couldnt get together all he had to do was pick up the phone. It wasnt nice to just blow someone off...I also an hour after calling him text him saying "I know you had a bad day and Im sorry for that but still does not justify blowing someone off". He text me at 10 that night and said I just got home .not blowing you off.OMG. I text him and apologized and explained that my dad was in the hospital and that a friend had gotten in a car accident (both true by the way) and was sorry for taking it out on him. I even tried to call him. He wont return my text messages or my phone calls. I came across desperate and that is not something that men like. Warning ladies...I lost the best looking and the sweetest man, loving affectionate dad slip right through my fingers..I kick myself..and I still cry over him....

No girl, he is JERK! forget him!

i wish i can feel love. no matter how hard i try, i cried a lot<br />
can somebody help me find me somebody to love?

i'm tired of my heart hurting damn it. nothing that i do is working. :@ when am i gonna get a boyfriend? i wanted it for 5 years. it's not fair.

i'm almost 18 years old and i don't have a boyfriend yet. i try and i try. nothing is working. i wish there was someone that can help me. i got depressed because of that.

Take it easy,,,you ARE YOUNG! I'm 36...feel sorry for me LOL!!!

oh come on.<br />
none of you can relate to how she feels<br />
hell, even she can't relate to how she says she feels.<br />
<br />
because let's face it: what you want is a CUTE boyfriend.<br />
preferably a cute, rich boyfriend.

No, not really....someone that we can get along with.

Damn, so many victims of the cycle, but yeah me too. But on the other hand I have friends complaining about the relationships they're in but my dumb *** still wants that special girl in my life. keep the faith, one day we will all be happy

awww get out there and enjoy your life :) <br />
love has a habit of snapping you on the *** when your not looking. <br />
guys notice girls that are having too much fun to give them any notice!..and when that happens you will undoubtably have three come along at once <br />
(not that thats a bad thing) sods law!

I have the 'terrible cycle' too. I find it hard to get close to the people you meet. Or to get close to the people you are interested in. It just seems like the people I am interested in are not interested in me. =(

That 'terrible cycle' you described is me all over. I obsess over making a move, then I chicken out and just mope around for ages, basically... and I mean AGES. I've liked the same guy FOREVER now and done very little about it. I'm working on myself (on ze self esteem and all that) but it's hard. It's easier said than done to just say to someone 'oh, get over your esteem issues!' because there's no way anyone can just snap their fingers in your face and make you feel full of confidence. I hope you'll continue to do as I am though and work on yourself. Just being positive about everyday life is the key. Good luck.

Hi ladies, I'm a guy and I can tell all you lonely people that (I/we as men) have the exact same problems and feelings at times, How do I engage a women (possibly someone I JUST met) in intelligent conversation that would eventually lead to the possibility of a date? The danger is in coming off like an over-eager perv, or desperate loser. Being 35 and with a desire to have children, I feel the press of time, yet I do not want my potential partner to see this.<br />
I would love for a women to ask me out, eliminates the desperate perv factor, or the potential (boring) "mercy date" if she's too kind to turn me down.<br />
<br />
So Ladies, please feel comfortable with being a little more forward, if he's a genuinely "nice guy" he's not going to see you as a **** in any way, and will take your approach as more of a "friendly welcome" or "green light" a safe opportunity to get to know you.<br />
<br />
*cheers*<br />
<br />
-Adam

Hi Adam, I hope you found someone! Hahaha...I'm about the same age and it's hard to find someone to date and get married, but I'd rather be by myself than dating the wrong person, life is better happy alone than miserable with the wrong person.

So, all single people are single because they are ugly? That logic is simply ridiculous---your life doesn't have to be horrible just because a significant other is absent; Take the opportunity to get to know yourself better and have fun living a single life. Definitely, improve your self esteem, nobody deserves someone who thinks lowly of themselves, in order to enter into a healthy relationship one must be happy with themselves first.

"Manage A Boyfriend" ...<br />
<br />
There's something kind of unpleasant about the word "manage" in this context.

Woah..<br />
<br />
I can totally relate to how you feel!<br />
I have never felt the need for a boyfriend..i mean, of course i've felt that it would be nice to have one..only i was perfectly ok with being single, especially since i have a bunch of good guy friends. <br />
but now, i suddenly feel quite lonely!<br />
maybe it's because i haven't seen my dad in a while..and i'm subconciously missing a strong male presence in my life? hmm.<br />
anyways, i like one of my best guy friends right now, and i have a feeling he likes me too..so..perhaps i'll try to get rid of this loneliness, and persue him. :)<br />
<br />
and..confidence is key! build some up, and u'll have no problem going after guys!! (i know that's easier said than done..but..u can do it!) lol

Just a small town girl... livin' in a lonely wooorld...<br />
<br />
...point is, Don't stop believing <br />
<br />
Man, I hate that in this world there are men and women that are just separated from each other and we live in misery when we could be having the time of our lives. Well, here's hoping that we all overcome our shyness, insecurity, and whatever else is impeding our happiness.

First thing you need to do is work on the self esteem issues. Stop worrying about what is wrong with you. Cause there is nothing wrong other than the fact you keep worrying about whats wrong with you. Life is short take chances. What is the worst that can happen if you try to make the first move? So you like a guy and make a move he is gonna go with it or run the other way cause you weirded him out. If that latter happens then OH well. You have to accept that people come and people go its part of life. Yea I know it sucks but its life. Best advice ever "take risks, live without regret" Hope this helps.

i can relate.ive known plenty of men and had plenty fo sex in the past but none of them was a real boyfriend,not by my definition of the word.i dont quite understand why its been so difficult for me to obtain this either.i know people who are no smarter,no more attractive,no more anything than me yet they never seem to have the trouble that ive had in finding and maintaining a relationship.thats just not fair!

haha very funny...i think my stomach says..helen if you stopped feeding me french fries i could show you the abs underneath the fat. lol. yah i totally feel like letting him come to me..i looked all my higschool life..then college...whats next? 40 yearold life..lots of girls go through the cycle..

i hate the 'stop feeding me' voice<br />
its got a point<br />
but i cant<br />
so i wish it would shut up. i feel for you on that<br />
and on the i'm lonely but dont think i should feel so bad about it part..ahh life sucks

One of these days, someone is going to write a genuine, useful and intelligent guide to how Manage A Boyfriend. I'd write one for you, but I dunno anything about it :P I have found a really good resource on how to manage women, if you ever want to find out about how men go about it.

Although I am beginning to doubt in this "coming along" business. Will a man actually just breeze by? I feel like I should be out looking, but then I feel silly. And I wouldn't even begin to know where to look.