So, You Want a Boyfriend

I can see at least two really, really, really cool girls in this thread  (sorry, don't know the rest of you well enough to say it and know it for certain ;)), who very much deserve to get whatever they want! So, with this in mind, I have decided to start yet another advice post on a subject I know nothing about.

I'm hopeful that the Newly Bonded Women of the EP can storm in and fill their younger proteges with actual useful knowledge, experience and wisdom.

Any thoughts, Wise Women of the EP? How can the fine, upstanding young women of the EP get a boyfriend?

If there is no advice forthcoming, I'm darn well going to post my own thoughts, and they're not pretty, nor in any way informed :P You have been warned!
TheTardyDodo TheTardyDodo
31-35, M
18 Responses Jul 19, 2007

I think there is a problem with the name of this group. "I want a boyfriend" not "I met this guy and I want him to be my boyfriend"<br />
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The "I want a boyfriend" statement worries me. I never felt like this ever, like i wanted this faceless appendage just to have one.<br />
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Work on being happy, and if you meet someone you'd like to know more about and see more, be bold and let him know. Don't sit around waiting for him to ask you out. <br />
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If after you've seen a little (or a lot) of each other he winds up being your boyfriend, fabbo! Well done the both of you for finding each other.<br />
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There is no bigger turn off (for me) than people whining about how they want a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" both genders do this. Whining is the unsexiest thing you can do.<br />
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If you are working on yourself and enjoying your life and constantly growing and learning, people will be falling over themselves to be near your passion and energy and joy of life.<br />
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If you mope because you don't have some "boyfriend" who isn't even a real person, you will never find him.<br />
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There, that's my wisdom.

PS<br />
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Following a specific list of wants and desires or setting a certain 'standard' is only limiting yourself. You never know who you'll fall in love with. The person you inevitably spend your life with may not have any of the qualities on your 'list' except that he makes you genuinely happy.

There is no way to 'find a boyfriend' without resorting to desperate measures... which in turn lands you a desperate man. That's never good.<br />
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Being open and honest with yourself, exuberating confidence, and walking around -knowing- you're available and interested will always attract men. They sense and see those types of things.<br />
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I read that once and it's worked like a charm ever since. No, I don't have a boyfriend, but I date alot and should I meet someone I feel is compatible with me and enjoy being around, I'll do what I can to ****** him up. :-) Usually, men let me down after a month or three... but single life is awesome! It's like creating a husband checklist.

Drew, that's pretty close to the mark in my book. It's all about understanding who you are, what you need, and then being willing to stick your neck out a few dozen times (or even more) in order to meet the one who is right for you. But it all starts internally...my first two marriages (and countless other non-marital but otherwise romantic relationships) were unmitigated disasters because either I hadn't really identified what I wanted from a partner, or because I was willing to settle for much less than what I actually wanted. And, on other occasions, when I did know what I wanted, and didn't settle for less than that, I still got burned for reasons to complicated and ambiguous (or simply unknown) to explain here. So what? You accept that relationships sometimes (often?) fail and, after giving yourself an appropriate amount of time to heal (grieving for 3 years over a failed summer fling is NOT appropriate), you move on. And don't feed me this "I'm not attractive/No one could ever love me" cr*p. That is what is known as a self-fulfilling prophecy. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I truly believe that there is somone for everyone - and, no, that person doesn't live in Siberia, they probably are right under your nose, only you're too busy being insecure and telling everyone who will listen how desperate you are to have a boyfriend, to notice just how taken they are with you. Jackson Browne said it perfectly in his song "Somebody's Baby"...we all have our self-doubts and insecurites, but it's when we take a chance and move beyond them that life really starts to become a wonderful thing.

I think a lot of women, especially attractive women, seem to be conditioned into going for that 'guy who is a bit wild' " oh how i would love to tame him" i believe that is a load of arse. I can see how it might be exciting. Highs and Lows. HOWEVER, Guys like that are like that for a reason: they are self centred dicks. Women are more emotional beings than us men, at least on the outside. ElLagartos comments above?! I do not agree. They are the comments of someone who has not had the best of luck with men in the past. I dont mean to be rude, sincerely. If you are a young woman, then you might think "screw settling down, i';m going to have to fun" NOthing wrong with that but i dont really understand the fun that you are seeking. What do you want in 10 years? I'd hazard a guess at some kids and a husband. Work backwards from that. I have to say i;m quite unlucky in love. THe women i have had relationships are all very nice and sweet, and pretty, But they have made me realise that i need someone who is very similar to me. A little bit of an eccentric really. This is what i think i want. I'm starting to think that internet dating might be the answer for me, and it just might be for you girlies also. At least it would give you some dating practice if nothing else.<br />
What no-one has said so far is that once you feel good within yourself (physically fit, socially active), people will notice the change. All men are not dicks. If you think like this then you've been hanging round with the wrong type of guy.

Why are chicks these days desperate for a boyfriend anyway? Not being sad to all you lonely females out their that are desperate, but don't you got anything better to do. Like my good friend here reckons, you should live your life to the fullest before searching for Mr.Right.

thanks, birdman! i do what i can and share what has proven successful for me. that's not to say it will work for every one else but ... anyway. wanderkid, you will need to socialize more during your work at home period. this means you will need to go to the movies, museums, grocery shop more often, go places that interest you more often. if there are men at your places of interest and they are single and enjoying their time wherever it might be, you already have at the very least one thing in common and if they don't approach you it's an easy opening line. at a museum you could ask, "what do you think of this piece?" or "which one is your favorite?" at the movies you could ask, "which one did you see?" and follow it up with, "i've been wanting to see that one. what'd you think of it?"or if it's prior to the movie standing in line ask, "what are you here to see?" at the grocery store notice what he's put in his trolley/buggy. pick up the same product in another brand and ask (while holding up a product) "have you ever tried this brand before?" followed up by, "what did you think of it?" or "which do you prefer and may i ask why you prefer it?" ... when you start a conversation with a man it does not have to be a pick up line. just be sincerely interested in something of no consequence to start with. you don't have to walk up to them either. usually in any social situation you can 'find yourself close enough to bump into them *accidently*' (wink wink) i realize you're shy, however, most men find that a rather attractive and charming quality. GO FOR IT! you have absolutely NOTHING to lose but time as you sit idle. but i must admit and advise you, each time i 'wanted' a boyfriend i couldn't find a 'decent' one to save my life as opposed to when i wasn't in search of the long term men seemed to fall in multitudes right into my lap. the right thing generally happens when we least expect it and when we least 'think' we want it or need it...

I'm wondering where you find the men to begin with! I'm going to be out of school for a year, which is where I would usually start, working out of my home, and I've just got no idea where to meet anyone. I'm also pretty shy and unlikely to approach strangers on a train (I was just watching that movie...) or in a museum or something.

Great stuff, Constant! Practical and insightful, as ever! :D

first: analyze where you are 'looking' and the 'type' of guy you are attracted to as well as the quality of people within the circle you find yourself socializing in. if you're going to bars, hanging around people who enjoy their libations a bit too much perhaps and/or are 'free-spirited' ... although they might be fun, they certainly are not going to help you attract the type you want - the stick around/longterm type. if you are attracted to men who have the 'bad boy' look you are asking for trouble. chemistry is not something you can consciously alter - at least i've not been able to. however, what i did was open my mind to men who had a different look than what my initial impulse would be toward. as i got to know them more they became more attractive to me, the chemistry began to radiate stronger, and they stayed around much longer than i was accustomed to. in order to complete and enhance the physical attraction 100 fold you have to give them a helping hand. when they ask what kind of haircut to get at the barber tomorrow, flirtatiously suggest 'that' hair-do which you find irresistible. when they bring you along to the eye doc, try on fr<x>ames with them inviting their feedback. they will then ask for your opinion. etc. etc. etc. the opportunity is always there. the bottom line is that you have to assess what YOU are doing to attract the kind of guy you're attracting. the energy you put out into the world is what you will receive in return. like attracts like - so if you desire a certain quality in someone which you don't possess you need to make conscious effort toward being better at that particular element. it worked for me! i wish y'all good luck with this. as far as maintaining a relationship ... see ElLagarto's advice and always remember that honesty and communication are KEY!

Sometimes the best advice is still no advice, I guess! Any comments are good comments in my book :)

Just putting my 2c woth in ... So in other words... In order to get or keep a boyfriend we should not mention the word Boyfriend or Relationship.<br />
And quit trying to be the moss to their rolling stone. (Spell check please :) )

Sezziy: See above. El

Getting a boyfriend is easy; getting one worth having is another story. Men are looking for women who treat them as though they are better than they actually are. For God's sake make sure you're in charge, but allow him the illusion that he is. Testosterone poisoning tends to cloud the judgment of men, making it hard for them to think. You're better off doing the thinking for them, but again, allow them to take credit for one of your ideas now and then. Do not dress overly-provocatively, men like to fantasize about trollops, courtesans, and women of ill repute, but they sure as heck don't want to spend any quality time with them. Get a leash - men are dogs - but don't keep it too tight. The perception of freedom is important to men - let your guy watch a football game now and then, or even go fishing. Do not run down your guy in the presence of female friends - scientific research has not yet discovered anything more fragile than the male ego. If you can demonstrate just a few of these attributes - you will never have to worry about finding a boyfriend - they will find you.

Don't be stingy emerald ;) Showing the EP gals just one or two of those pearls of wisdom from around your elegant neck could surely save them at least a little bit of pain? :D

The "Wise Women" know when to keep shut, and NOT give advice!=} That being said, give us the male aspect of the situation, Fine Feathered Friend! ;)

Um love to help , but not that wise. <br />
I say .. <br />
Go forth with your male wisdom ...

Maybe if no wise women are forthcoming on this subject, we can cobble together some male wisdom on the matter!